AIBU Xmas Presents! 😫

[LouBlue1507]

Hi all! I don't think I'm BU but thought I'd get some opinions anyway!

DP and I have a beautiful DD (11 weeks) and she's the first grandchild on both sides. We live in a small flat with not a lot of room!

We've asked people this year to not buy DD anything that will take up a lot of space as we don't have any space for it..

I think I've upset DM who said she wanted to get DD a walker but I've had to say no thank you as we've already got something similar to a walker for her for Xmas already....

... My DM is now insisting on only giving DD cash as she's 'not allowed to get her a present' which is not the case! I've just said nothing that takes up a lot of space!

I know everyone is very excited for DDs first Xmas and wants to spoil her but our flat is not a tardis, she has so much family that we're going to snowed under with gifts (very lovely for DD) so AI really BU to just politely ask for nothing huge?

Thanks x

[SE13Mummy]

I think you have to accept that some people would prefer to give an actual, physical gift rather than money and that they may need some ideas if what they'd intended to buy has already been purchased. When DD1 was a baby and we lived in a flat, we asked family to avoid toys that made noises as we didn't want to annoy our downstairs neighbours. Because DD1's birthday is just before Christmas, we encouraged people to hold off buying anything for Christmas and to give her something in the summer instead e.g. a sand table. What has really helped is using //www.whattogive.com as it's meant we can pop ideas on it all year round and family can see the sorts of things the DDs are into (they're not local so don't always get to see them playing with their own toys).

[Libitina]

How about a charm bracelet? It could be added to at xmas and birthdays by your DM and given to her when she is older (or an adult)?

[ragz134]

YANBU, I put down similar rules for my eldest's first Xmas/birthdays. But I was a lot worse, my list of vetos was quite long lol. Everyone respected my wishes and always asked beforehand what to get my kids or whether such and such would be okay. I got teased, but they stuck to it. I may be an ungrateful cow, but it's my house, my kids and I'd rather be given things they need and will use rather than whatever makes the buyer happy.

[Heatherjayne1972]

Cash is an excellent gift
Open an account and every time money is given it can be saved for holiday fun activities /Everyday activities or long term goals like university a car a home orthodontic braces or whatever you need later on
You're little one would be happy with a cardboard box and some wrapping paper !!

[happypoobum]

YANBU. I once bought someones child a HUGE present in a passive aggressive fit of supressed hostility.

And YY to staying home for Christmas. Start as you mean to go on. Just tell everyone that now you have DC you will be spending Christmas Day just as a nuclear family from now on, but would love to welcome/visit them over the holidays.

I hated being carted around rellies over Christmas as a kid, I just wanted to stay at home with my siblings and play with my toys and watch shit tv.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

Not unreasonable at all. Personally, I think that at this age, unless there's anything they actually need, cash in a savings account is entirely sensible. So many little ones are bombarded with toys and if you don't have much space they can really take over.

Couldn't your MiL buy some item of clothing dd could do with by then, or soon after? Next size sleepsuit, sleeping bag, padded all in one for wintry days out of doors? Or knit her a nice cardi or hat, if she's into knitting?

Having said that, one small and not at all expensive toy that went down v well with my Gdd at around one, and with visiting babies the same sort of age, was a wooden pop up thing from what used to be the Early Learning Centre - four little peg 'people' in bright colours that pop out when pressed down. They all loved it and enjoyed trying to put them back. I think it's by Galt. Funnily enough one of my dds had almost exactly the same toy as a present when she was one, over 30 years ago!
Evidently a popular classic now.

[hummingbird100]

Another good one is an annual pass somewhere like a local museum or similar, if there's any near you? Lots near me have play areas, and even if she just snoozes in the buggy it's somewhere for you to push her round and grab a

[SheldonCRules]

Why not say not gifts if you don't have the room? Or is it you what gifts but only what suits. I can see why your mum is upset, her first grandchild and she can't choose the gift she wanted.

[longdiling]

Could you ask everyone to get her a special bauble/decoration for the tree? They would be easy to store and lovely to get out every year as she grows up

[Pineapplemilkshake]

Could your DM not still but the walker, but keep it at her place for your DC to use when visiting? My DP had a walker at their house for my DS, as it would have been a bit dangerous for my own house at the time - we lived in a townhouse with living room upstairs and stairs too wide for stair gates. Actually, DS has duplicates of many toys in my parents house, as they look after him while I'm at work. Obviously there would f be much point if they lived far away though.

[QueenLizIII]

The OPs flat is so tiny, where is she going to store lots of clothes in bigger sizes?

[KungFuPandaWorksOut]

This happened to my DSis, her eldest childs birthday is 5 days after Christmas. So the first year everybody went crazy at christmas and birthday. (Herself included)
On the run up to the second christmas, she informed everybody for Christmas they can get presents but for birthday money/vouchers or deposit into the childs savings account. The paternal GM pulled her face and made snarky comments until my sister told her that last year her house resembled a childs toy shop for months afterwards, and if she insists on getting loads they can quite happily be stored at her house. GM didn't take up on the offer

You are not in the wrong, you're planning ahead nothing wrong with that. You're not saying no gifts at all, just putting restrictions on size and bulkiness of the gifts

[helterskelter99]

I asked for books or clothes in bigger sizes in that situation

[S1lentAllTheseYears]

I love the money box idea. You can get some really lovely ones and they don't take up much room on a windowsill or shelf.

I'm going to keep that one in mind if I am fortunate enough to get some grandchildren in a few years I'm not a great present buyer and being inundated with stuff is still fresh in my mind so I will probably start savings accounts for them and then give them some coins for the money box. Once they are a bit older and have an opinion, it's a bit different but, even then, I will be mindful of the amount of space things take up in small houses and how depressing it can be to not have anywhere in your home that isn't a sea of plastic!

One for the future, with DS1(when he was two) we started him off with a wooden railyway set and then invited rellies to add to it at Birthdays and Christmas. The extra little trains and things don't take up a vast amount of space and cost a few quid (especially the Thomas ones!) and could just be added to the box in his room but they knew they were getting him something nice and that would get played with.

[EweAreHere]

Your DM is being ridiculous. Ignore her passive aggressive response to your perfectly sensible and reasonable request and stand firm.

I'm always amazed at how childish grown ups can act.

[newmumwithquestions]

Another vote for experience type things - why not ask for them to pay for some classes:
Baby sensory
Baby swimming
Baby music (we do monkey music, not sure what age it starts - think it may be from very young, there are alternatives as well)
Then take photos or even better get them along to a class so they can see where their money went.

[PrincessHairyMclary]

For DDs first Christmas she was (12 weeks) we brought things she'd need in the upcoming year, stair gates, high chair (the high chair stacked but was also a separate table and chair which she's only just grown out of as a very tall 7year old).

If they wanted to get a small gift you can get nice baubles with the year on from Disney shop.

[QueenLizIII]

With the rocking horse my DN still loves it and it would do a second child too.

It can then be sold on ebay, given to charity.

[chocolateworshipper]

Lots of great ideas here already. A couple of other suggestions; if you are religious you could invite DM to buy DD's first bible, or she could buy a charm bracelet and over the years buy charms to put on it (she could even write little notes to explain why she chose each one)

[Heirhelp]

Can you give them a list of things that they can buy eg clothes in the next size, high chair, my DD is obsessed with the sensory balls from elc, a couple of musical instruments, all things that you would be buying anyway.

[Alwayschanging1]

Xmas used to drive me nuts; PILs, DM and DF always bought as if the DC were getting nothing from anyone else. Mountains of gifts.
In the end I put my foot down and said one gift each. The rows that request caused were endless...
But eventually they did calm down and stop being so silly about it.
I also remember my DF looking at our back garden (which was stuffed full of cars, bikes, climbing frames, sand pits, slides, swings ...) and he made a comment about how spolit our DC were. I went round the garden pointing out who had bought what (none of it was from us). He got the message.
YANBU - but be prepared for a fight as family often refuse to understand something as simple as this.

[LizzieMacQueen]

I would suggest books, they don't take up much space and each person can write a personal message to your DD on the flycover.

[lljkk]

Cash & a cute outfit (or 6)

[LouBlue1507]

Thanks ladies! I like the idea that they can get anything if they keep it at their house! I also like the idea of an account or premium bonds!

I'm dreading it tbh because everyone will want to see her 'but on their own turf'! I think we're going to stay home for Xmas this year as a family of three and visit family Boxing Day or the days before Xmas!

[averythinline]

the activity idea is great wish we'd done that...you could use for baby swimming/singing whatever during the year ....

like the premium bonds or a nice money box with the money instead....

if she wants to buy something how about a sheepskin for snuggling on or a fancier version of something your going to get like a nice pram blanket/ fleece..sling/ travel high chair we had something like this....

www.johnlewis.com/mountain-buggy-pod-portable-highchair-flint/p579505?sku=232169340&gclid=COmu7K7T3M8CFVSNGQodAn4Jdg&gclsrc=ds

or manhattan toy black n white books or skwish ...small and useful when out and about
www.manhattantoy.com/products/skwish-classic?variant=26138345927

or sophie and or equivalent....
www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/sophie-la-girafe-teether-b6972.html?gclid=CLPmuNPS3M8CFYgy0wodwYIBdg

a little toy that can a 'present' and some cash could be a good compromise....