To think you don't let your child dump a playdate for a 'better offer'?

[MerryMarigold]

So, arranged in Monday for dd's friend to come over after school today. She wanted to come on Mon but we were busy so I said how about Thur, friend's mum said great and dd would be over the following tue to theirs. Today before school dd comes up to my teary eyed abd dsis her friend is not coming anymore as she's going to another friend's house (in their little group of friends). I know friend 2's mum and she always arranges with the parent, so I'm assuming friend 1's mum asked child where she'd prefer to go instead of saying, you're already going to Merry's house. Just don't think it's on really. Dd will feel it. WWYD now, if anything?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

My dd is exactly the same about inviting this one particular girl, who didn't invite her again. The mother I believe said some shitty things about my dd to hers when my dd was in Yr 1 aged 5 (child refused overnight to play with my dd for 6 months). I'm glad your dd got to do something nice with you. These are good life lessons you know and our children will grow up stronger knowing their own mind. The most important for me is ensuring dd knows she has friends, who value her highly even if the popular girl and her mother does not.

[Autumnandlovingit]

I would badger the parent with my softest voice and biggest smile and say every day up until your daughters birthday - you are still confirmed yes? To be fair I did confirm a playdate for today for Friday as the date was made last Friday but only because my boy's heart breaks everytime a playdate cancels and I'm running out of pretzel money :)

[ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual]

How disgracefully rude. How can parents treat other children this way?

Does your dd still want to go next week? Is she still invited or do you need to confirm?!

[MerryMarigold]

Thanks. Took dd to a cafe whilst ds was at a club after school. She was pretty phlegmatic. Said she knows friend likes other friend more and that's fine (feeling is mutual!). However, I did say that it shouldn't work that way and if she (my dd) accepts an invitation somewhere, that comes first, even if something 'nicer' comes up and I would not let her do this! Don't want her getting ideas. Mummydragon, it sounds like a very similar situation. Luckily there are some lovely other children (and parents) around, but dd wants to invite this one to her birthday (only having 5 kids).

[Aeroflotgirl]

What a poor excuse from the mother, I would ask dd if she wants to still go to play date at 'friends' house, if not, cancel. How shitty of the mother, that will be the last playdate

[Mummyoflittledragon]

How horrible and hurtful. Your poor dd. Sometimes there can be confusion but this was totally clear. She really is teaching her child some poor behaviour. I hope your dd finds another playdate friend. Been through this one and a lot more with 2 parents of dds. Out of a group of 4 friends, they all have play dates together apart from my dd, who only has play dates with one of them. Dd not invited to one of the girls parties again this year. Adult led - you're not my friend so I'll discourage friendships with my child attitude. And a lot more besides. Get your dd some other play date friends. I found inviting the quieter less popular children with parents who are not in the clique and who dd likes beneficial for expanding her list of play date friends. I've made friends a couple of the mummies this way and the other mum is really nice.

[KathArtic]

Is your DD still going to hers next Tuesday?? I would text 'just to confirm'

[Magicpaintbrush]

Okay, now you know for sure this mum is flakey so I wouldn't make any arrangements with her in future. How rude of her! Sorry your DD has been disappointed

[Bestthingever]

Stay well clear of that mum and her dd in future then.

[SeventyNineBottlesOfWine]

The same happened to my DD only two weeks ago! Same age too!
I invited DD's friend over for dinner and she came over and had a lovely time (or at least it seemed that way!)
When DD's friend's Mum came to pick her up she invited my DD to their house and specified an evening and even asked my DD if she wanted to go.
Then cancelled just 2 days before.
My DD was really upset, and I had to explain to her that some people are just like that. Flakey and rude!

[RiverTam]

Errrr, no, in the absence of you cancelling or checking to confirm yourself, you don't allow another arrangement to be made.

Like mother like daughter, looks like your DD could have dodged a bullet there.

[Floggingmolly]

You have to "confirm"?? No, you don't. It's a fecking kid's play date; not the Buckingham Palace garden party. She's a rude cow.

[MerryMarigold]

My 7yo is pretty clued up. She is nearly 8 and very mature. If it were my 10yo, I would probably have checked . But anyway, she didn't have any wires crossed.

[MerryMarigold]

OK, so the mum said because we 'hadn't confirmed', she is going to the other friend's. At least no 'forgetting' lie, but didn't realise it needed confirming since Monday afternoon, or she could've asked if we were still on. Basically her dd prefers the other friend (I know that). Ho hum. You live and learn. I'm sure it won't be the last time, but I doubt dd will forget where true friendship lies!

[Gettingitwrongputtingitright]

I don't understand why you posted before checking with the other mother? 7 year olds talk crap.

My dd (age 11) was invited to a birthday outing then univited when her 'friend' decided to take someone else. Yes I had spoke to the parents. I think it says an awful lot about the parents tbh.

[pinkblink]

Hopefully the friend just has her days confused

[user1474627704]

Bit paranoid to assume you know what they are going to say, before they say it?

[MerryMarigold]

Ok, going to check with mum now. She was on school run but she didn't say anything to me. I was too flustered to check with her. I know she will say she forgot - which is perhaps true and perhaps not. I am pretty sure she will say it though. I will also check how it was said to dd ie. did friend 1 say, "I am going to friend 2's house tonight' so dd just worked it out or did friend 1 say, "I can't come to yours because I'm going to friend 2's." If the latter, it clearly isn't a 'forgetting' issue.

[LagunaBubbles]

Definetly check with Mum and see what she says.

[CartwheelGirl]

I wouldn't assume anything until I've talked to the friend's mum.

[Saltedcaramel2016]

I don't think you can really know the situation until you have spoken to the mother. Just text or call saying something along the lines of

is xxxx still ok to come over after school tonight as there seems to be some confusion?

If she comes back saying plans have changed make sure she knows you are annoyed and that your daughter was upset.

[lottieandmia]

YANBU - I'd be fuming. What a bad example this mother has set for her child. I would never let my children do that - once you've made a commitment you stick to it unless there is an emergency. You don't hurt someone's feelings by showing them they aren't as important to you.

If I were you I would speak to this child's mum and tell her how upset your dd is that she got dumped at the last minute.

[chattygranny]

Burning Bridges we crossed and agree. I must say this peaked in the teens when people would not commit until half way through Saturday evening in case of a better offer, drove me mad! "Where am I taking you?" "Don't know yet!" Grrrr