AIBU Family grrrrrrr

[graysquirrel]

So DH's uncle and auntie in law are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary next week. We had an invite to a 'doo' to celebrate which we received a few weeks back. We're not able to make it as we have another thing booked with friends (joint get together to celebrate a few 40ths) all of us have LOs so it's a low key but very much looked forward to meet up.
Anyway DH to his admission completely forgot to reply to Auntue/Uncle's invite, but in our lack of response the family have taken that we will be attending and paid for 4 meals upfront for us.

We are at a loss of what you do. Feel really bad that this has happened but a quick text/call to check would have confirmed that we wouldn't be going. DH father (brother of uncle) is giving us huge emotional blackmail that we should go as they've paid alot of money out for us etc. It may seem trivial but this is part of a long list of issues where we get walked over by his family and give in for an easy life.

I have suggested we ring the venue and check if numbers can be adjusted and/or pay them 'back' for our meals even, so we can walk away guilt free. But still I'm angry they have assumed we would be going or want to force us to change our plans, whatever we're seen as the bad people in this and being made to feel like it atm by DH father.

AIBU and does anyone have any advice to fix this?!

DH has bipolar so actively avoids any confrontation to avoid any excess stress which doesn't help.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Your message puts a different slant on things. In this situation I don't know what I would do.

[RortyCrankle]

YABU. I don't understand why, knowing your DH was unwell, YOU didn't RSVP. A golden wedding anniversary is a once in a lifetime event and trumps birthday celebrations especially when it's not even on the date. I also don't think it was U of his family to assume that you would be attending.

[TaterTots]

They shouldn't have assumed you were coming, but given that you didn't reply you can't really take the high ground here. Just apologise, explain you can't come and offer to pay for the meal if it can't be cancelled. You not going is going to cause a row anyway - don't make it worse.

[FleurThomas]

YABU for 1) not RSVPing and 2) putting friends over a close family member's golden anniversary.

[whirlwinds]

In my family you would be considered as yabvu, family comes first especially on big days like that. Friends come second.

[graysquirrel]

Thank you. X

[ParForTheCourses]

I think the back story is very important here. If they show little interest in you but expect you to jump to it and you often have issues with them then I'd call the venue.

It's all good people saying put family first but what if your family are pretty shit and friends are your true close people? I'd go for my family any day but they are supportive and loving and though we may have issues we are close.

This does not sound the case for op. In fact though the not rsvying is rude if I knew my child was very ill with depression I wouldn't assume I would know because I'd be calling him or her and trying to support. Did your pil do that op?

[NightCzar]

I think the back story is important and they shouldn't have assumed. Also that the OP should have replied, given that a 40th could be rescheduled and organised.

However, you are where you are. Are your friends more understanding than your family? They may be willing to reschedule if you explain.