about being fed food from Iceland?

[ethelb]

First a bit of background, my brother and his wife are very wealthy and pretty bling. Think £100K car, a boat and four (!) summer holidays abroad this year. This money is from them inheriting her family business.

I am very close to them and adore their children. We live 40 minutes apart, see each other fairly frequently and we often look after their dog and children when they go away for the weekend. This happens a couple of times a year. We also host them and the rest of the family for family gatherings on a fairly regular basis.

We went to go and visit them for dinner a few weeks ago, and I was quite surprised by their behavior. My sister-in-law went out to Iceland when we arrived to get some food. She came back with some horrible frozen little fish pies, which my husband couldn't eat anyway as he is allergic. They pulled a chicken breast from the freezer and gave him that instead. We were served it with a bag of salad and some wine.

AIBU to feel this was a bit odd, and slightly dismissive behavior? I get the impression they would not have done this to their rich friends.

This isn't the first time they have hosted us, but increasingly they just want to go out to very expensive restaurants. I had wanted to avoid an expensive meal this time. AIBU to want nicer food?

[Owllady]

I agree Sheila
Not sure why it's SIL fault either

[Owllady]

I think you are being picky and over sensitive :(
Do you like seeing your brother or not? It's certainly not compulsory to see them every other week if you aren't happy with that arrangement

[ShelaghTurner]

I clearly have a very different relationship with my brother than most people here. I'd have raised my eyebrows and said "glad to see you pushed the boat out" and we'd all have had a laugh. I don't understand how you can not talk about things with your sibling. Yes of course some people don't get on or aren't close but not everyone surely? I can't be the only person on mn with a good relationship with my brother.

[FurryDogMother]

It just sounds to me as though they have poor taste in food - ie, they go to 'expensive' restaurants because they think expensive = good, and they have no bloomin' idea abut the quality of ingredients, nor how to cook good food, nor indeed what good food actually is. To them, Iceland provides exactly the same as any other supermarket, because they're not foodies. Most people aren't foodies either and that's fine - but when non-foodies attempt to feed foodies, it can be disappointing. Equally, foodies spending ages cooking delicious stuff for non-foodies can get pissed off by the perceived lack of appreciation of their efforts. It's just a mismatch of expectations - neither side is right, or wrong, just different. I doubt they meant it as an insult, food just means less to them than it does to the OP.

I used to buy loads of stuff from Iceland, when catering for parties etc - but it really wasn't very good, and now I can buy better food within my budget, I do. But then, I'm not only a foodie, but a food snob. Not proud of that, but it's just who I am!

[CatNip2]

Just because they are stashed doesn't mean they ordinarily shop at the organic farmers market. I cook, we have a very good income, I shop absolutely bloody everywhere. It includes Farm shop 3 X three different ones, all the major supermarkets, Aldi, Lidl, Bury market, Leeds market and shock horror, Iceland.

You can make fantastic food or shit from any, but personally I accept everyone for whatever they put up, for one meal who actually cares. Give them a break.

[ethelb]

The point about them not making an effort touches a nerve.

My SIL's parents are rich and generous with money but not their time or efforts, which is why we look after the children quite a lot. The grandparents won't. But they do send them off on v expensive holidays annually. ...

I wonder if this is just learned behaviour for SIL. Make no effort and just pay people off with holidays... It's a shame as she is otherwise a nice person.

[jetSTAR]

YY to this...

If they host at a restaurant, they should pay.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

Piscivorus
I'm amazed that anyone would expect food commensurate with the hosts income to be honest. I would be more likely to "up my game" on catering if it was people I wanted or needed to impress (e.g. a boss) but would happily share a takeaway or something casual with family because we are all comfortable with each other

I also "up my game" - but it doesn't depend on whether I want to impress anyone - it's because I appreciate my friends and family and other guests and want them to enjoy the evening.

If OP's SIL and family normally eat very cheap food, then (as they have plenty of money) I think they should pay a bit extra when they have guests (it's different if someone is skint).

I certainly wouldn't invite someone to my home and then feed them cheaper inappropriate food if it wasn't what I would normally eat myself. I think that's an insult!

I'm happy to share a takeaway - and I'm sure OP is. I think it's just very upsetting when people who allegedly care for you can't even remember our allergies. And it's very upsetting when they don't consider you enough to provide tasty and enjoyable food, whether its a Hyacinth Bucket "Candlelit Supper" or a takeaway pizza.

[gunsandbanjos]

Can I just clarify, apologies if I've missed it...

You host, cook, spend time making nice food etc. when they come to you?

When they 'host' you go to a restaurant, do you pay or do they pay?

If you pay for yourself then they never pay anything towards your time together, only for themselves.
And they put in zero effort too.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Here's the rules:
If you cook, and pay for all food/drink, when they come to yours, then when you go to theirs, then they pay for whatever it is they choose to do.
If neither of you are aware of this basic fairness rule, then I'm not sure what you can do.

[SuperFlyHigh]

It's not good manners. They could've ordered in a takeaway and explained they didn't want to cook or cold cuts and quiche etc from supermarket (prompted by new born mum thread here).

My parents friends who can cook but very wealthy invite them and me for lavish meals but also meals out and happily pick up the bill (not that we expect it).

[GingerbreadCake]

Also a chicken breast from Iceland is not the same as a chicken breast from waitrose. Nine times out of ten a chicken breast from Iceland will come from a battery farmed chicken pumped full of water and steroids. If you buy from waitrose you can choose free range organic corn fed meat with incomparable animal welfare standards.

[GingerbreadCake]

I don't think YABU OP. It sounds like they made zero effort. If you invite someone for dinner and are hosting then you show hospitality, not bottom of the barrel rubbish that the guests are allergic to.

How much effort do you go to when you host them?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I wouldn't heed a dog half through food from Iceland.

I actually tried a few of the recommendations off another thread and I ended up throwing it away. Utter shit.

If I couldn't afford to or I had forgotten or something had gotten in the way of me being able to make decent meal for guests I would cancel the evening, apologise and the people who matter should understand.

But there is an element of guests Needing to be polite and grateful even if that means a KFC on the way home

[Piscivorus]

I'm amazed that anyone would expect food commensurate with the hosts income to be honest. I would be more likely to "up my game" on catering if it was people I wanted or needed to impress (e.g. a boss) but would happily share a takeaway or something casual with family because we are all comfortable with each other

[Koan]

Do they reciprocate any of the favours you mentitioned in your OP? If not and you host them at family get togethers as well as the other stuff you do then no, YANBU. If it's like that then they're happy enough to see you as long as it costs no effort.

[HerFaceIsAMapOfTheWorld]

this seems like a dig to me

[TaterTots]

Khaleesi - My cousin hosted a party on Boxing Day and only remembered about an hour before that I'm vegetarian. I have been for 30 years so you'd think he'd remember, but when you've got a lot going on it doesn't always occur to you. I could have taken offence, or I could have been pleased to be invited to a party. (BTW, his sister threw a veggie curry together last minute to save his blushes!)

[expatinscotland]

I just spunked £43 in Iceland today. Got LOADS! We're poor, though. These people sound a bit tight.

[khaleesi71]

I don't think YABU and close friends and family don't shouldn't forget about allergies very easily. It does seem like a passive aggressive way of getting some across some unresolved angst over a imagined slight of some sort. A bit sad really

[AGenie]

It depends if she was nice to you or huffy and offhand about it.

[george1020]

We shop at Iceland (they deliver to us actually) as well as waitrose, marks and sainsburys, we also have hampers from fortumn at holidays throughout the year (Normally 4 times)
And Iceland have always been good quality food. Obviously if you buy the really budget style food they do then it won't compare, but if you buy their normal or better style food then you really cannot tell much of a difference.

I think anyone saying they have horrible or cheap nasty food really have no idea what they are talking about and have clearly never even compared them to the more expensive food shops.

You are being ridiculous and prissy about where they get their shopping from but yanbu to be miffed they didn't think about allergies or making more of an effort.

[glueandstick]

I could kill for some Iceland canapés right now. Massive craving.

[khaleesi71]

I don't think YABU and close friends and family don't forget about allergies very easily. It does seem like a passive aggressive way of getting some across some unresolved angst over a imagined slight of some sort. A bit sad really

[Paddingtonthebear]

LOL at Iceland food being just as good as everywhere else. They do a 75 piece chicken party platter for a fiver. How can that be good quality chicken?