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AIBU?

To only buy birthday gifts for people who buy me birthday gifts?

28 replies

Bibs2014 · 20/09/2016 18:11

Or is that petty?
What do you do?

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Arfarfanarf · 22/09/2016 09:51

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Bibs2014 · 21/09/2016 19:48

I seem to be so different to them and end up in slanging matches with them because I don't agree with them. It's exhausting and easier to give in but I seethe about it afterwards.

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DontMindMe1 · 21/09/2016 19:35

so put a stop to it! you don't HAVE to enable their rudeness.

Just say no and mean it. i'd rather have a massive slanging match with my siblings about something like this than let them bully me.

e.g, My older sis would make an obvious point of not visiting my home when she was in the area. All the usual excuses of 'we'll see if we have time' and 'kids are tired now'. Everyone knew she was making excuses plus they all behaved the same way.

when i decided enough was enough, i would visit them only as and when it suited me. when the inevitable refrain of 'you don't visit' (as often as they'd like, i told them straight - "you don't visit me and you have cars. i'm not spending my time and money travelling to you all the time. you take the piss. so unless you want to treat me with the same respect and consideration YOU expect from me - just shut up about it"

after saying it often enough they get it. do they still thinks it's petty for me to do this - sure. do i give a fuck - no!

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Bibs2014 · 21/09/2016 17:30

It's always been that way cause DBs are 10 years younger than us so they are babied and allowed to get away with it.

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DontMindMe1 · 21/09/2016 17:16

what is db and sil and the rest of your familes excuse for these two never returning the favour? how is their behaviour not considered bad and petty?

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DontMindMe1 · 21/09/2016 17:14

It will make me look bad and petty to the rest of my family
so what?
it's not like they've got your best interests at heart - does the 'family' say or do anything to db and sil to make them 'play nice' like they expect you to? No.

You need to stop seeking validation from them - they've made it plainly clear that they have more consideration for db and sil, that they will suck up to them. you are there to simply keep up the facade of 'happy families'.

what would happen if you bluntly told them that you will NOT be contributing to or buying gifts for them?

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Lonoxo · 21/09/2016 16:49

arf didn't want to read and run. Some great advice there. Hope it helps the OP.

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Arfarfanarf · 21/09/2016 12:07

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Arfarfanarf · 21/09/2016 12:03

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Bibs2014 · 21/09/2016 09:04

I know you're not having a go at me, Arf. It is actually helping making me ask myself these questions.

It will make me look bad and petty to the rest of my family.

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Arfarfanarf · 20/09/2016 23:18

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Arfarfanarf · 20/09/2016 23:12

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Bibs2014 · 20/09/2016 22:40

Arf they aren't reasonable!

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Bibs2014 · 20/09/2016 22:33

Arf I do agree with you but then I'm made to look petty.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 20/09/2016 22:29

No YANBU at all. I've finally seen the light with my DB and SIL and will only do cards now, which will still be more than they bother with!

It came to a head when after a massive load of effort and expense invested in their wedding and wedding gift we didn't even get a fucking card for ours a little while later. But I realised they've always been bad at that stuff and putting myself out (as I'll continue to do with the rest of the family who reciprocate thoughtfully) was only pissing me off.

Can't do anything to change them but I can change what I do.

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Arfarfanarf · 20/09/2016 22:28

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Bibs2014 · 20/09/2016 22:21

Then the other two say they will go halves and I look like the bad one.

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Arfarfanarf · 20/09/2016 22:19

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Bibs2014 · 20/09/2016 22:17

I always get told by my older sisters to buy or contribute to presents for my brothers and my sister in law but I don't get anything from any of them when it's my birthday.

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KC225 · 20/09/2016 21:25

Zippy hahaha your last sentence

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ZippyNeedsFeeding · 20/09/2016 20:40

If I did this, I'd only ever have to buy for my own kids, and nobody else. i don't really mind about that, with one exception.
My mother told me that once I was 40, I was too old for her to give me presents of any kind. This rule does not apply to my sisters, her very creepy friends, or anyone else it would seem. However, since she seems to feel strongly about it, I will honour her wish and give her the square root of fuck all for her 70th birthday this year. My dad will get a nice bottle of Isle of Harris gin, to help drown out the noise and cover the smell of burning martyr.

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HeCantBeSerious · 20/09/2016 20:29

We bought presents for nieces and nephews (DS's side) for years while they ignored ours. Not even a thank you when gifts were handed over and no embarrassment at having nothing for DC. So we've stopped too. Might be petty but I couldn't give a crap anymore. I'm not rewarding such utter rudeness.