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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to say 'no' to this?

64 replies

Darmody · 18/09/2016 16:54

DP is a huge fan of a certain long-running and popular music festival, and has attended this about 20 times since the late 80s. I have attended 4 times since DP and I got together - the first time I liked, the other times I hated for various reasons. The last time we went DP said that we would have to go as this would likely be the last one before we started a family - I didn't want to go but eventually caved.

Now DP is talking about going next year, on the basis that we haven't been for years, and the DCs would love it (probably true). I'm just not a 'festival-going' type person, and think that traipsing around this place for days with school age children would be a nightmare. If I do go to a festival I want to spend the weekend drinking and relaxing - if I can't do that, I'd rather just not go.

We also live outside the UK so it'll be an enormous expense just getting there, never mind tickets and everything else, but DP is really pushing on this. I have half a mind to say, if you want to take the DCs, take them and best of luck, but I also know if I don't agree I'll feel rubbish about spoiling things.

AIBU to stand firm on this?

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 18/09/2016 17:43

I heard they were looking to move but Longleat fell through for 2018 so maybe that's why

Lj8893 · 18/09/2016 17:47

Michael Eavis has said the moving and Longleat bits were just rumours and there is no thoughts of moving currently.

GoodLuckTime · 18/09/2016 17:48

I agree with PP. he goes, takes the kids and you stay at home (or with friends / at a spa/ living it up in London, whatever floats your boat if you are happy
help with the travel/ it will be part of a bigger family trip back to the uk).

Or is it, perhaps, they he wants you to come to do the childcare, eg sit In The tent with them of an evening, get up with them in the morning, while he sees the bands he like / sleeps off his hangover because 'you don't like festivals'?

In which case, no way Jose.
He goes alone if you're feeling generous, or with the kids without you.

I don't like festivals either. I do like camping. DH does not.
So when the kids are older, I'll take them without him, probably with my brother and Neices and nephews, since SIL doesn't like camping either. Everyone happy.

I agree festivals are a lot of time and effort and money. He'll enjoy it (good for him) you won't. So he goes, you don't.

Easy

EweAreHere · 18/09/2016 17:48

I'd ask him why (a) he's going back on his commitment that the last time was the last time, and (b) why he's pushing you into going to something he knows you find to be a miserable experience, and it will be more so with children that YOU will probably end up watching if you go.

I'd say no. If he really wants to go, let him take them and have a quiet weekend with friends of your own.

FrogFairy · 18/09/2016 17:51

Good Luck has hit the nail on the head. You would be the default child wrangler/carer.

Whereismumhiding2 · 18/09/2016 17:53

OP, I don't enjoy music festivals too so completely understand your reluctance.

But if I read this right, you haven't gone for 7-8 years since before DC1 was born. It so might be worth finding a family friendly festival and just trying it once, as DH is sooo keen on it. Could you put a smile on, throw yourself into it, try to make it work best for kids ? (they can stay up late, 9-9:40pm as one offs) - you could see yourself if they enjoy it. It sounds an amazing adventure for kids.

If it doesn't work out, at least you've tried and can then negotiate a truce on it til DC are teenagers when Dad can take them with a group of family friends. If it does work well, its a Fab memory for DC ... Will make them cool at school!

Also, you find that thing you've always wanted to do as a family and I bet DH will throw himself into it too..

Ragwort · 18/09/2016 17:54

Absolutely no need for you to go - you've tried so you haven't been entirely negative. (I wouldn't go to a Festival in a million years ).

Why can't he go and just take the children with him .............. or go alone with a friend?

My DH and DS have a very expensive sport they love, I don't want to do it, I stay home and they have a great time. Yes, in an ideal world I would prefer a city break type holiday but I can do that on my own or with a friend. I see no reason for everyone to do the same thing.

Leeds2 · 18/09/2016 17:57

Have you asked DH if he is happy to take the children by himself? Suspect he may be lining you up to look after the children when it gets late.

lemonzest123 · 18/09/2016 17:57

Wilderness is also really child friendly OP. As such all the facilities are super clean and there's quiet camping zones and load of stuff for the little ones to do. Not loads of dick heads off their heads either.

CheeseandGherkins · 18/09/2016 17:57

As he thinks your dc would love it, let him take them alone. I imagine he wants you to go so he gets to do everything he usually would while you do the child care. Sorry if that's off the mark. I wouldn't do it and would stay home while he takes them. If he's genuine then he will be more than happy to go with his children.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/09/2016 17:59

My idea of a nightmare, a music festival with small children. OP, I'm with you! Especially since it's highly likely that your DH will get so 'into' the music (and the alcohol) that you'll probably be left (sober) to mind the children 90% of the time, even if he's standing right next to you! (I speak from experience, but it was camping-to-do/watch-a-sport, not music). It so totally sucked. I was roped into it two years ('honest honey, this year won't be like last year') more the fool me.

Don't try to 'compromise' with him agreeing to mind the kids 50/50 if you go because he'll promise and then won't. Tell him to take the kids on his own this year to 'see how it goes and if all's well you'll go the following year' and see how fast he changes his mind about going.

00100001 · 18/09/2016 17:59

Definitely let him take the kids and you stay behind.

That will be the very last time he goes for sure!

Draylon · 18/09/2016 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

supermoon100 · 18/09/2016 18:36

Let him go on his own with the kids? That's a bit harsh isn't it? I wouldn't want to do that. I'd rather have a supportive partner by my side

gleam · 18/09/2016 18:44

Perhaps you like festivals, though, supermoon?

expatinscotland · 18/09/2016 18:49

The OP hates festivals, super. What's 'harsh' about a parent taking their kids to an event they enjoy and sharing it with them on his own?

00100001 · 18/09/2016 18:51

Suprmoon but OP hates being there... why shouldn she be the "supportive one" and not the dad??

LaContessaDiPlump · 18/09/2016 18:53

Are you the Glastonbury widow, op? I'm sure I've read posts like this before. If so, you have a DH problem, not a festival problem.

GrumpyMummy123 · 18/09/2016 19:00

Regardless of if it's Glastonbury or camping or a cruise or climbing a mountain - if it's a holiday you wouldn't enjoy and would find stressful then put your foot down.

If he really wants to go say he can go without you. Putting pressure on you to agree to a trip you don't want to go on isn't fair. Would he really enjoy it if you did you go and was stressed and unhappy the whole time?!

Ragwort · 18/09/2016 19:37

Let him go on his own with the kids? That's a bit harsh isn't it?

Why is it 'harsh' for a father to take his own children away for a weekend - would anyone say that about a mother taking her children away.

Izzabellasasperella · 18/09/2016 19:44

Does anyone remember the poster who's dp loved Glastonbury and wanted to honeymoon there or postpone the wedding to go or something? She had deeper problems with him than just a festival though.

EweAreHere · 18/09/2016 19:47

Not harsh at all to suggest he takes them if he really wants to go and share the experience with them.

What a ridiculous thing to say.

LaContessaDiPlump · 18/09/2016 19:48

Izzabella that's who I thought of!

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 18/09/2016 20:07

It would be a great experience for your DCs (and DH) but only if you can enjoy it too, otherwise it'll be miserable for everyone. BUT Don't we all do things that are a bit of a compromise for our DH/DCs at some point? I'm going to see Dreamgirls (with Amber Riley) with my DDs, I have no idea how I'm going to make it through, but I'm sure I will be able to look back on it with fondness because they are going to freaking love it. I'm also going to see David Gilmour (again....) with DH in a couple of weeks.......urgh. DH can't wait but I can. So I've booked us in to a lovely hotel for the night to soften the blow. If it will cost a fortune anyway, could you maybe somehow afford to do it but book a fab VW camper van to go in and take a lot of vino? You might enjoy it then!

Original poster

Darmody · 18/09/2016 20:28

Izzabella

That's not unlike my story - our wedding was timed specifically so we could go to Glastonbury after it. That was supposed to be the swansong!

OP posts:

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