AIBU to ask you to help me be polite + assertive without making kids feel bad

[ImissGrannyW]

Sorry, this is long...

Two things are happening tomorrow. First is a much loved relative (who DD adores and who I adore and who does loads for DD) is having a garage sale. Someone random (no idea who) has told much loved relative that people who come to these things are light-fingered (or something). Much loved relative (MLR) is panicking, and has asked DD to help by being there and selling stuff (the kind of thing DD LOVES to do - she'll have a great day). But MLR has just gone a bit bonkers (who knows what she's been told), but she's asked me to be there, DH to be there, our dog to be there and has asked DD to rope in her friends to come and help too (what is MLR expecting?????).

DD has a new-ish friendship group (friends with them for about 6 months - a year). She's almost 15, and she's now not really with her primary school friends, but has a new set. I know the kids but have only met one of the parents. I don't know where most of them even live. (I understand from other parents this is pretty typical of this age and stage, but it's so different from primary, where we all lived close by, chatted on the playground, etc).

DD has arranged for 3 of her newish friends to come to this bloody garage sale and help. They're apparently up for it. (they're nice girls). And they will have a fun time, I think, despite MLR's fears.
So I've said I'll pick up the 3 friends and bring them to MLRs and we'll all muck in and deal with the thieves and pillagers who are (apparently) MLRs potential customers. I've asked MLR to put on pizza or something for the girls as a 'thank you' which she is going to do.
Garage sale ends at 3

The second thing happening tomorrow is that all these girls are going to a party. Which I will take them to.

Party ends at 10:30.

I am expecting to pick DD up from party at 10:30. I don't really want to pick up all her friends and drop them home (for 2 reasons - a. I'm not a taxi service and b. DD has an event on Sunday morning which means she has to be up at 7. I want her in bed as early as poss so she can get some sleep. I don't want to add an extra chunk of time where I run these other children home, which robs DD of 1/2 - 1 hour of sleep before she has to perform on Sunday).
I think if it was the primary school friends, if I was doing all the running around earlier in the day, one of the other parents would do the dropping home from the party.
But I don't know these other parents. And the only one I have met, doesn't drive (hence, I've met her because I've dropped her daughter home numerous times)

I don't want to leave these girls stranded. I wouldn't. I would/will take them home. but whilst I'm happy to pick them up (they're doing a favour for DD/MLR) and take them to the party (least I can do after them helping at the garage sale, and it will be fun for them all getting ready together, and they'll all be together anyway) I'm anticipating I'll be taxi service at the end of the night too, and I don't think I should be.

I should say, DH doesn't drive, so any driving in our family is down to me. Maybe I'm anticipating wrongly, but I don't feel it should be on me to get 3 girls (2 of who I barely know. I know the other one - with the mum who doesn't drive - better) home.

I'm happy to pick up DD from the party and bring her home. But I'm already resenting (maybe it's all in my head) bringing home the other children too.

So as not to drip-feed, I do a LOT of driving, both DD + her (old and new) friends, because I only have one child and I do appreciate it's harder when there are multiple children to get everyone where they need to be and back again.

But if I'm right and I get to the party at 10:30 tomorrow night, how do I communicate to the parents that I think this is taking the piss and they should be sharing the driving with me? I won't ever leave teenage girls stranded, so if I DO turn up and these kids are expecting lifts, I will take them home. And I don't want THEM to feel bad. But what should I say to them to express that I don't think their parents are being fair without upsetting them and humiliating DD.

Thank you if you've got this far!

[SeaCabbage]

Why do people think this woman should not only take everyone to this party but pick them all up as well? Weird.

OP just get your daughter to text her friends to say her mum can take them all but can't pick them all up. Or tell them verbally at the garage sale. In a relaxed way! It isn't a big deal surely? Quite reasonable.

[MrsLupo]

I would just suck it up tbh. If it makes you feel better, concentrate on the fact that you're doing it for your DD - helping these new friendships get off to a good start, putting goodwill in the bank for the evening she needs a lift home from someone else's parent, etc. When you drop the kids off, make sure you get a phone number so you can rope other parents in on future occasions. You have years of this ahead of you btw.

[dowhatnow]

But she might not be putting goodwill in the bank, she might just be displaying a big sign saying "I'm a mug happy to run around doing all the pick up and drop off" it gets wearing even when the kids all live a few streets away from each other, so she does need to make a stand.

I tend to do a bit more than my fair share as my kids know I'm happy to give them lifts, but I've had to remind them occasionally that I'm not the only parent involved and they need to get lifts off others too, rather than offer my services all the time.

[BertrandRussell]

As I said, Mumsnet is wierd about giving lifts..............

[dowhatnow]

or weird, even