To be horrified at this comment?

[MaybeJustOneDance]

I'm not sure if I should be concerned or whether it's just children being children .

My niece is 6. I often watch her after school whilst my sister is working.

Today I offered her a small pack of chocolate buttons (the treat size ones).

DN stood there examining them so I asked if they were OK and she replied:

"I'm not sure whether to have them now or wait for my "cheat day" "

I was a little bit taken aback but just brushed it off .

Later she was going through my make up bag (I let her look) and she says "I don't like looking in the mirror . My face is fat and ugly".

I'm pretty crushed by this - she's 6!

I told her she was lovely , she's far from fat and even if she was , she is smart and that's what will get her through life .

I'm not sure if I handled it well but I did mention it to her mum (my sister) and she is gutted about it .

I know she hasn't picked this up from home as my sister never says anything like this .

A couple of the girls DN plays with in school seem to be much more mature than DN and I know they watch things and are "exposed" to things such as the news (obviously mostly bad these days!) and you tube etc - whereas DN is not .

AIBU to feel shocked and upset by this ?

She's 6!!!

[RhodaBorrocks]

My DS went through this, he's autistic and doesn't eat much, so he's skinny, and he was telling us he was fat because of the schools 'healthy eating' classes telling him the few foods he DID eat, were bad for him

Oh my God, mine too! It came to a head when I caught him looking up weight loss tips and how to work out tips on YouTube. Thankfully at his last paediatrician appointment his consultant weighed and measured him and said he was underweight and told him he needs more carbs and healthy fats. He listened to her as she's an authority figure and he has an official report which says almost this.

The girls in his class were throwing 'fat' around as an insult so he now says he has a doctors report that says he's not fat. One little madam came and asked me if that was true and I looked her right in the face and said yes it was and it's very dangerous to call people fat when they aren't. She's one of the main instigators (I found out from another Mum from a different class who was a TA in DS's class), yet I know her Mum is a bit of a feminist and would hate to know her daughter says that kind of thing. Unfortunately I don't know this mum well enough to say anything and I'd just as likely get a mouthful for accusing one of her perfect children if I tried to say anything.

This all started when DS was 6 or 7. Kids absorb this sort of thing from a really young age, it's frightening.

[Tartsamazeballs]

Mummy2 has a sunny disposition and Maple got jealous

[TheMagicFarawaySleep]

Maple - that was mean.

[VioletBam]

Maple she was NOT boasting! She was sharing her experience.

[MapleandPear]

Could you have got any more boasts in there, Mummy2?

[MapleandPear]

I think it's probably just repeating something a classmate has said who heard it from their relative. I shouldn't worry too much if she has positive role models at home.

[DailyMailPenisPieces]

I don't know, but you both sound lovely. How about doing a project or scrap book with her about inspirational women? You could include the Paralympic and and women in time who have achieved big things. Take the focus off looks and talk about what madecthem succeed.

[botanically]

So sad :( you might find the website A Mighty Girl helpful, they have articles about how to deal with this kind of thing and lists of children's books you can read with DN to discuss these issues.

[A11TheSmallTh1ngs]

Her friends. She is 6, she can barely read so it's not "the media". It's coming from a person she knows. Time to find out who. Likely a friend. You have to find the source or you won't combat it.

[LadyMoth]

OMG a small child getting no dairy or carbs could be pretty seriously damaging to her health and growth. I'd be reporting that to the school.

[mummyto2monkeys]

This happened to my daughter in her first year of primary school, a girl in her class told her she was fat and that her face was fat(dd has a beautiful heart shaped face). This girl was not allowed dairy or carbs as her Mother didn't want her or her sister to get fat. My daughter is not fat, she is tall and already (age almost 7) showing signs of having the hourglass figure she has inherited from me. I am 5" 10, so she like me, is bigger than her peers but this is purely genetics (she is not going to be tiny and petite) as she is in perfect proportion, weight to height. We have reassured dd, we spoke about beauty being inside and out. We talked about how people can be jealous of their peers, in this case my daughter had a healthy home made lunch, that this girl would not have been allowed. I spoke about how this girl was likely jealous that she could eat something she wasn't allowed, so she lashed out calling her fat (which is obviously what her Mother would tell her would happen to her if she ate carbs). We also discussed that other people can take pleasure from putting others down. My daughter is a sweet natured girl with a sunny disposition and as a result she is popular with lots of friends, therefore a target for jealousy.

We have spent lots of time complimenting our daughter, not just on how she looks, but on her talents, her intelligence, her kind behaviour, how clever she is and how friendly she is. We have also ditched barbie and bought dd Lottie dolls which send a much healthier example in our opinion. Although dd would rather be climbing/ cycling/ outdoors lol.

[TheMagicFarawaySleep]

Ooh, also my DD goes dancing (not ballet) and it is brilliant because the little ones look up to the older girls who are all different shapes and sizes. Their body confidence is amazing because it is about what their bodies can do, not what they look like.

[TheMagicFarawaySleep]

There's a brilliant book called 'Cinderella's Bum' by Nicholas ??? It talks about how we're all different shapes and sizes and all are ok. DD6 thinks it's hilarious! Maybe that might help?

[AvaCrowder]

I think sport is the best way forward too. Something that her mum would do too.

As she's so young I'd suggest football, hockey, cricket, gymnastics, tennis, karate, badminton or running. Ice hockey, skiing. There are so many opportunities. A sport, particularly a team sport will enhance her self esteem and get her pals that care about their hobby rather than their appearance.

[FlorisApple]

I don't know, as I haven't quite reached that stage with my DD yet, but a friend who has an older daughter said that she has encouraged her playing sport, especially football and basketball (rather than dancing) as the body images are healthier and also the skills they learn are confidence-building. I have noticed that my 5 yo DD has really gained confidence in her swimming lessons (even though she moans about them each week, she comes out proud of herself for achieving something she finds difficult.) I think encouraging a focus on skills and practice, rather than innate qualities (like beauty, being "good" etc.) might be the way to go.

[YorkshireLass2012]

*team based! Not tram. Predictive text fail...

[YorkshireLass2012]

Echoing ThriftyMama. How about getting your DN involved in some sort of sport activity and preferably a tram based one so that she can make new friends? A school friend of mine joined the athletics team, made some great friends and built up a healthy amount of self-confidence and self esteem.

[VioletBam]

Your sister needs to speak to her teacher. I had to do this when my 4 year old began talking about diets and being fat. It was girls in her class.

[Coffee3]

In general we try to use the term 'healthy' when talking about food, and we save treats for weekends (adults and children). So for example if it's a takeaway we'll ask if it's healthy and then agree to have one at the weekend for a treat. So not making any food group taboo, but acknowledges that some foods are healthier than others and trying to establish good habits (hoping this won't turn into binge eating at weekends !)
A pp who suggested talking about positive personality traits sounds like a good idea too; I quite like the Roald Dahl quote about thinking lovely thoughts and looking lovely.

[MillionToOneChances]

My DD started talking like this around that age. I just gently reminded her about 'everything in moderation' and told her she was mistaken when she said she was fat (she has always been very slender!). She's now a slender but curvy 14 year old with a very healthy attitude to food and a lovely confidence in her figure.

[ThriftyMama]

It could be one of her friends picked this up from a dieting relative/adult friend of the family and is just imitating, which your DN is also doing.

The best confidence is that which comes from inside of you, encourage her to take part in activities she enjoys and gets a sense of achievement from. I would also explain that in life it is important to be as pretty on the inside as you are on the outside, that sadly people only focus on the outside (so if she ever does get horrid comments about her "looks" she will understand the issue is that person isn't so pretty on the inside and nothing to do with her).

[MaybeJustOneDance]

Sister has been texting me saying she's so upset and feels like she has failed DN .

(Sister knows I'm posting for advice)

[RandomMess]

Think I'd do some research for ideas tbh.

I would ask her what she thinks makes a good friend? Hopefully that is a way in to talk about it doesn't matter about how someone looks but their attributes. So more focus on what is in important rather than trying to tell her that looks/weight aren't?

[MaddyHatter]

it could be a phase, i would also talk to the school about it, chances are this has been picked up at school... a chat with the teacher, and if you have them, the pastoral staff, might be worth a try.

My DS went through this, he's autistic and doesn't eat much, so he's skinny, and he was telling us he was fat because of the schools 'healthy eating' classes telling him the few foods he DID eat, were bad for him