School want DS2 to see a paediatrician, AIBU to think this is unfair?

[Inferno48]

DS1 is Autistic so I've been through the paediatrician appointments etc with him and he has 1 on 1 support at school.

DS2 (Just turned 3) started in the school nursery on Friday, he goes a total of 3 hours a day and it was his second day today. He has never attended a pre-school or similar setting before starting at the nursery.

When I picked him up today the SENCO who I know very well as DS1 is at the same school asked me what I thought about them referring DS2 to see a paediatrician. I asked why as he is completely different to his brother; has good communication, is extremely confident and plays alongside other children. There reasons were that he gets extremely upset if they pull him away from something he wants to play with and they have noticed his play is repetitive at nursery so they think that he needs 1 on 1 support.

He's been there a total of 6 hours and it's come as quite a shock to me so I may be thinking unreasonably but AIBU to think that considering he has never attended a similar setting before and has been there a total of 6 hours this judgement has come too quickly?

[OneInEight]

Accept the referral. it will be ages before any appointment comes through and if, when it does, issues are no longer there then you can simply cancel.

[hazeyjane]

I don't know if it is the same in other settings, but I am a 1-1 in a preschool and in our setting it would be impossible for me to be used in any other way than as a support for my 1-1 child (unless they are ill on a particular day) - I support the child and write their learning journal, and fill in a communication book of everything we have done that day. On top of this I meet professionals and work alongside them with the parents, and the setting has to provide evidence that I am fulfilling my duties as a 1-1 in order to secure funding.

I hope that if your son needs some extra support that it will be good support and be beneficial to him.

[Minisoksmakehardwork]

*impacts at home, fine at school

[GlitteryFluff]

I'm fighting for help for my DS.
If anyone was offering help I'd be jumping on it.
If everything's ok -great, if not the the help has started.

[Minisoksmakehardwork]

I would accept the referral and hope it comes to nothing. We have massive concerns about ds1 and his behaviour impacts us hugely at home but he is fine at home. Our family worker, after meeting dts and I in our home a couple of times turned and asked 'has anyone mentioned dd2 to you at all?". Now as far as we are concerned, dd2 can be a handful but fairly typical for her age, if at the lower end of the development bracket. However, given that we are fighting to get our concerns about ds1 taken seriously, if someone jumps in with wanting to look at dd2, we are going to let them. If nothing else they can say no, she's fine. But worst case scenario, someone other than us is driving her needs forward and they might get taken more seriously.

[Babymamamama]

Do it. If only to eliminate the query.

[cestlavielife]

as was said above the ADOS is a great assessment tool. if you can access it for your ds2 take it with open arms it will be very clear one way or the other

[cestlavielife]

take the referral. no harm done if paed says nothing identified but if yes then you caught early and can get intervention earlier.
compered to your oldest, he may seem non-ASD but compared to other kids, maybe nursery are on the ball.
getting and accepting a referral does not make him have an ASd diagnosis if he doesnt need one! paed will assess - take the referral gladly. start recording any behaviours and keep notes.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Its a rather rude shock I imagine, but agree accept it, as whatever happens its good they are providing help.
good luck

[insan1tyscartching]

Mine had diagnoses before nursery/pre school so never had anyone raise concerns but me but what I do know is that we put in place strategies and techniques to support ds3 and this made dd2's autism pretty unnoticeable at home. It wasn't until I saw her in nursery that I realised that it wasn't as unnoticeable as I believed.
The nursery, I think, are trying to be supportive and surely it's better that ds2 is checked now and gets support if needed sooner rather than later? It will take a while to get the appointment through, the nursery might have other concerns to add or they might say they were over cautious and any difficulties were down to being new and suggest you cancel anyway.

[Branleuse]

its better to take the referral if theyve noticed something quickly, even more so if there is family history

[PookyHook]

I would accept the referral.

I was in a very similar situation. Ds1 has ASD and has difficulty making friends, making small talk, imaginary play and also has obsessions.

Ds2 is the complete opposite. He's very gregarious, has loads of friends, birthday party invitations every weekend, excellent imaginary play, makes small talk with everyone etc. I thought there was absolutely no way he had ASD.
But his preschool teacher had concerns so he was assessed. He was put in an early intervention scheme. I refused to allow them to do an ados for ages because I was convinced that there was no way he had ASD. Eventually, after about a year in primary school the teacher urged me to go ahead with the ados. I was present when it was being carried out and I couldn't believe it when I watched it, it was clear during it that he did have difficulties and he did end up being diagnosed.

I can't believe I couldn't see it. But his teachers and the early intervention team could. I feel really guilty now for resisting the ados.

There may be nothing to worry about but there's no harm in getting him checked out. I was told that once one child has autism in the family it is a good idea to get all siblings screened.

[imip]

I feel it's too early also. However, I suspect dd4 has ASD. Dd2 has an ASD dx. They present in completely different ways, despite both being to the untrained observer, very social.

It wasn't until about 6 or so months ago I thought dd4 could have ASD. She's now 4.5.

[TellAStory]

They may be jumping the gun but I would go along with it for now and see where it leads - in most cases parents are fighting with the school to get support and referrals.
My friend has 3 children all diagnosed with autism and they are all very different, one in mainstream, one in a unit attached to a mainstream school and one in special school.

[user789653241]

My ds was flagged up at nursery from the start because he was different from other children. We listened to whatever they suggested and attended everything offered. In the end, he wasn't diagnosed with anything, but I was grateful for their concern. By the time ds started school I was ready if there was something not right with ds, since I had so much time on my hand to prepare.
So, IME, seeing pead early was very helpful.

[Inferno48]

I have accepted the referral, I'm just upset that they have assumed this so quickly, I keep flicking my thoughts from do they need numbers to they've pre-judged him for some reason.

I knew DS1 needed help, it was pre school that spoke to me about him when he was 2 so that wasn't as much of a shock as this has been because I can honestly say that I've had no concerns whatsoever about DS2. He does throw tantrums when he doesn't get his own way, these have improved dramatically over the last few months but I tend to think what 3 year old hasn't thrown a tantrum?

Thank you for your support, it really has come as a shock and it's nice to hear others views.

[Vikkijayne2507]

I grew up with severely autistic sister, worked as a social worker and support worker with children and adults with asd and other difficulties. I understand why you're a bit upset and put out but often another pair or eyes can really see things differently. Let them refer, it won't do any harm. I do agree it's a very short amount of time but I've also made judgements fairly quickly and have always been correct in terms of something not quite right additional needs found. I've got a 2 year old and I'm questioning him a lot atm no one has queried yet but I have suspicions, get on a list no harm nor foul if comes to nought

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

I think it is OTT this soon. Just having to go through this with my son but only because of problems flagged up around Easter.

[WhiteDraig]

It does seem a little soon as though they are perhaps pre-judging the child.

However to stop such assumptions in the future surely best thing would be an expert say no that not present in this child.

It's also possible that he still has autism but the presentation impacts on you less than the eldest's so to you he seems fine but to outsiders he's clearly not NT.


Either way I would have thought a detailed talk with the nursery to get to bottom of why they think this and accepting the referral to get a definitive answer would be the best thing to do.

[CaptainSnort]

I understand how you feel because with both my children it was someone else who initially raised concerns. And both times I felt a mixture of upset and angry. It took me a while (about 6 months) to accept their concerns as valid both times.

What I've realised is that children sometimes behave very differently in a nursery/school environment than they do at home. Parents like to think the best of their children (naturally!) and you kind of get used to their little quirks, and accommodate them without even realising. And it isn't until someone else points it out that you realise there may be something going on.

You can always accept the referral and, assuming there will be a bit of a waiting list, keep an eye on him and how he settles in at nursery. You can always turn it down at a later date if you feel don't need it.

[AlfrescoBalconyWanker]

Given the waiting list, and difficulty getting a referral, why not let them start the process. When/if it comes to a halt, you've lost nothing.

[pictish]

It can't do any harm can it?

[ChicRock]

What harm will accepting the referral do?

[Doggity]

It's far too soon for them to be suggesting this. YANBU not at all. Let him settle in and then see where the land lies.