About stupid newborn advice!

[primarynoodle]

Dd is now 9 weeks (pfb). Didn't have a clue what I was doing when she was born having never reply been around babies so listened to midwife/hv advice religiously.

Am ebf but would like to give the occasional bottle of expressed milk so dp can feed and I can go swimming, or even just have a shower without listening to her cry! but because we stuck to the strictly no bottles or dummies til 8weeks rule she won't take either now! My poor nips are getting a battering!

After a week of no sleep and prising my eyes open because she wouldn't sleep in the Moses basket I told hv we were getting a co sleeper crib - this was met with stern words and a huge po face and I was told to persevere with the basket.. In the end dp bought one anyway and she slept a solid 5 hours in it on night one!

Same with flipping sleeping layers advice, grow bag advice is a vest + sleepSuit + grobag at the current temperature. She'd bloody melt if I put her in all of that!

Why oh why did nobody say to me "this is the guidance, use some common sense and apply it where necessary" rather than "this is he guidance" then look all cats bum at you if you suggest doing anything slightly different... Would have saved me hours of angst and guilt.. Do they not understand we precious first born mothers are neurotic

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

With most advice, I've developed a good line in non-committal replies like, "Do you think so?" or "I'll have a think about that" or "That's interesting" then I just ignore. Health Visitors are optional though.

[primarynoodle]

Fair point that she may have been a bottle refuser anyway but it's not that early bottles WILL cause nipple confusion it's that they MIGHT cause it. Which the health visitor later admitted and which was not how it was said to me at the time.

And I'm aware it's guidance but don't know many other mums and haven't been around babies so it took a while for common sense to kick in and me to not read the guidance as absolute rules

[Mouikey]

We have a 7 week old, our first. The advice from professionals has been amazingly contradictory. We co-sleep (officially in either a sleepyhead or Cocoonababy, unofficially in bed if she is unhappy in it), in fact we co-slept in hospital (oh the looks!!) , we ebf and this week have introduced a dummy to settle her on a long drive (we were told the rule was 6 weeks!). We had to give formula on day 1 and 2 as she was in SCBU which isn't the best place to learn to BF. She got boobie juice on day 2 and we've been good ever since although she also has a severe tongue tie which needs sorting (we were told this wasn't the case as she was latching and feeding) 😔

The HV this week said she would need a general anesthetic for the procedure - I had to explain that it wasn't the case until they were 6 months or had teeth.

It makes me angry that the advice is so far apart at times, as a FTM and anxious, I want to do my best and sometimes I have no idea. We have now decided to listen to advice but filter it out for what suits baby.

[WhooooAmI24601]

MIL had loads of useless advice when DS2 arrived, though, and often began sentences with "When mine were young..." Often it involved not picking him up, not carrying him in a sling, not going in when he cried at night, all the stuff which made my life bearable was forbidden. Fortunately I never listened to a word she said, but so many people have advice to offer.

Best advice anyone ever gave me was "you do what you need to do to survive".

[WhooooAmI24601]

In defence of HV's not all are useless; mine after DS2 was spectacular. DH went back to work and I'd had quite extensive stitches. She came to visit a few days in and found me weeping on the sofa from sheer exhaustion through trying to get DS2 to latch on whilst also trying to entertain and feed and clothe DS1.

She dressed DS1 calmly, sat him at the kitchen table with a jigsaw and a cup of juice, made me a cup of tea and spent a good hour teaching me how to latch DS2 on so that my nipples didn't feel they'd been shut in a car door. I sent her flowers the following week to thank her for her unbelievable kindness. We're now very good friends and I can't sing her praises enough. Some really are great.

[MLGs]

Mine liked cold milk too

[glueandstick]

The 'perfect' temp for milk.... That annoyed me. Seemed to imply I was a terrible mother because I gave my baby a bottle straight from the fridge. She'll only drink milk that's ice cold.... Everything else gets rejected.

[MLGs]

I thought "the same number of layers you are wearing plus one" was for out and about, not sleeping?

It would not work in my family for sleeping. Both dcs are naturally warm sleepers who get hot and kick off all covers, whereas I am cold and want 13.5 togs on all but the hottest night (13.5 togs plus woollen blanket in winter). That wouldn't suit my kids at all and would probably be dangerous!

[Avonandice]

I had a midwife who told me , with the first, that id have trouble BFing as 'haveing lage breast doesnt mean you will produce a lot of milk' and id pop her on the bottle as she will be unable to latch properly as your nipples seem to point outwards'. I refused to listen and spent a week sobbing that DD had trouble feeding and was in special care. Ended up sitting on the floor sobbing as i thought she was right, one of the ward cleaners picked me up, dried me off and grabbed DD and shoved her under my arm a la rugby ball and she latched like an expert. Midwife kept telling me it was wrong and to try it the 'proper' way. As to the not a lot of milk i could have supplied the city dairy.

[fruityb]

I don't find bottles too much of a pain - we have a prep machine which I understand may be controversial but it's been a bloody godsend - particularly at night time. I'm finding breastfeeding fairly easy now - once he stops head banging on my boob before feeding! His rooting is hilarious as no matter which side I put him on he's looking for the other. I'm persevering but it's very tiring and draining at the same time.

[DrCoconut]

My DS 3 has coslept with me since birth. He'll be 1 soon

[bumbleymummy]

The bedside cot worked much better for us than the Moses basket.

I EBF. They were probably 3/4 months old before they were given a bottle of expressed milk and it was fine as long as I wasn't the one giving it! If I was there they just wanted breastfed so if you're struggling to get her to take the bottle try going for a walk and leaving her with the bottle and your DH - you may find that she'll take it as long as you're not there :)

[43percentburnt]

Dd used to cry every time I bathed her following NHS guidelines - check with elbow. Years later I had a water birth for ds I realised why, the tepid water I washed her in was freezing compared to the water birth. I love a warm bath and even I found the water rather warm!

Midwife - do you always offer the second breast at each feed?
Me - confused, err no the other twin is using it!

[Sleepybeanbump]

Fruity a bit off topic but if it helps the long feeds do really tail off. My DS is done in a couple of minutes or so now and I miss the days of settling down for a long session! Its a breastfeeding things, the long feeds and the cluster feeding, as they need to keep upping your supply. It doesn't mean you have low supply, and nor does the fact you don't express much- there's not necessarily a correlation between how much baby gets and how much a pump can get out. Pumps aren't very efficient and not all women respond well to them.

(Not trying to change your mind but I find bottles such a massive faff compared with breast despite a stressful start to BFing that I was at you wanting to move to bottles for ease! )

Agree re the knowing he has a full tummy. My DS lost loads of weight early on and it took me months of ebf to stop being permanently paranoid that he was starving and I hadn't realised!!

[MissDuke]

I am a midwife and haven't heard of the '8 weeks rule'! UNICEF baby friendly standards say that women should be discouraged from introducing teats or dummies before bf has become established - that is almost always sooner than 8 weeks. I think it is really frustrating to be told different things though, so sorry! I go by the rule of having baby in one layer more than you require at any given time.

[fruityb]

My DS has had a bottle in the night since he came home on the third night. It meant my OH could share the night time feeds and gave me a break. DS still has a bottle here and there in the day time and we've had no problems. I don't think I produce enough or he can be on me for ages. Which is fine when at home but not convenient any other time when out and about. I have tried expressing and can do about 5oz before it stops. This way I know he's getting a full tummy. He put on shed loads of weight when I was EBF and midwife said it was fine to top up if I couldn't cope - which after half an hour of him refusing breast at 3am I couldn't.

I think he'll be full time bottle soon as it's just easier. Which I know is not what it should be about but it's what keeps us going as humans!

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

I'd never BF before when I had DC2 and thought I'd 'give it a go', i really struggled with it and my MW genuinely said "now you've started it you aren't allowed to use bottles at all!!" I was horrified, she also told me I was "born to be milked" as I have v large breasts and was producing 10oz per boob I ended up practically telling her to fuck off and DC has been bottle fed since and is absolutely no worse for wear and I feel much better in myself Good luck with your PFB I made the mistake of following everyone's advice word for word having never been around any kids before and made it so difficult for myself, follow your instincts!

[Arseicle]

I think you mistook the word guidance for order. It's your kid, do what you like.

[reallyanotherone]

The 8 weeks thing isn't stupid- if you're really set on breastfeeding, then bf only for the first 6-8 weeks before you start messing around with bottles gives you chance to get established, regulate supply etc. Bottles can confuse things early on so only bf gives you the best chance of suceeding as there's no way to tell how your baby will take to mix feeding.

Plus like pp have said, you can diligently give bottles only for them to refuse completely once they figure out what's going on. Mine took bottles no problem up to 3 months, then decided absolutely not.

But yes, generally I'd say the best advice is to do what works for you, and gets you through the day with your sanity intact.

[Bear2014]

I think in hindsight 8 weeks is too long. We waited 8 or 9 and DD did not want to know about the bottle after that. If we ever have another baby we'll try it at more like 5-6 weeks I think.

Every health visitor I ever spoke to was a muppet. I stopped going/listening after a while.

[Cococrumble]

Funnily enough my midwife was discussing baskets v co-sleepers today and said the official advice is to use a Moses basket. The midwives in my area are really anti sleepyheads/nod pods/ cocoonababy as well.

[Sleepybeanbump]

You should be able to take a shower without her crying if you feed her beforehand. And that will get better. The crazy newborn constant feeding will gradually become a more regular pattern with actual gaps between feeds (yes really I promised And don't feel too bad- some babies (like mine!) just don't take bottles. It might not be to do with waiting 8 weeks, and as others have said there are v good reasons for the rule.

[Topseyt]

Just as everyone else has said, you do what suits you and use common sense. There is no one size fits all anyway and all babies and parents are different.

Why persevere with the moses basket if something else works so much better? You don't get any medals for being the most sleep deprived. What bollocks!

Breastfeeding just wasn't for me. I was ill, in discomfort and DD1 was losing weight hand over fist. I STILL had to get DH to tell one particular midwife to just back right off me because we intended to formula feed. After that we didn't look back and we took no notice anymore of any criticism, implied or otherwise.

[StrawberryQuik]

My HV thought it was brilliant I had a cosleeper cot and also had one for her own daughter. She said to just be careful when they start rolling.

Actually all the advice I've had from HVs has been good, relatives are another matter

Re: the layers thing, I'm one of those people that's always cold. I went into town today and people were still in summer dresses whereas I was already dressed for Autumn/winter.