Or is DH - work related

[TheLaundryLady]

I work full time in a senior clinical role within the NHS. My working hours are generally Monday to Friday 9-5 with one weekend in 6 on call within the hospital.
I also work early / late shifts as required.

DH currently works 12 hour shifts days and nights 4 on 4 off.

I can only work early shifts on his days off due to getting DC to school etc.

This works well however DH is unhappy with working shifts and is actively job hunting.

I am fully supportive of him and don't want him to be unhappy however when we have discussed this previously we agreed he would look for 9-5 roles or a position with shorter shifts without night duty. These jobs are available in his line of work.

We also agreed to discuss jobs before he applied.

This morning he came home from work and told me that he has applied for a job Monday to Friday 8-4 without any discussion.

These hours would mean that I would be unable to work any early shifts (I start at 06:30) during the week which would make me very inflexible, unsupportive of my teams and potentially unable to effectively do my job.

I am really angry that he chose to apply before discussing this with me and we argued this morning.

I think that any new job he applies for needs to be compatible with mine. He says I'm being selfish and should want him to be happy.

AIBU?

Sorry about the long post I didn't want to drip feed

[CafeCremeEtCroissant]

He is being a complete tool massively unreasonable.

I wouldn't stand for all of this 'your problem' crap. You are supportive of him changing jobs, just not to one that means you can no longer do your job! I can imagine living with such a total bellend that he's acting like this.

Tell him that it's NOT your problem & if he chooses to take a job that doesn't fit in with family life HE will have to organise childcare. Be very firm & very clear.

Whatever you do, don't go part time & don't jeopardise your job. YOU need your career & your income/security, independently of him.

[Pikawhoo]

Ask him to be responsible for finding the childcare to cover the mornings he won't be able to do.

So often mothers are the 'default' parent. Make this one his problem to solve; I'm sure it's not impossible if he really wants to, and at the very least it will make him realise the impact of his choice.

[purplefox]

Why is it your problem to solve when he's the one changing jobs to something incompatible with your DCs lives?

[RiverTam]

I would simply say to him that if he chooses to apply for jobs with a working pattern that you have not previously agreed to, then any resultant childcare issues will be his, and his alone, to sort.

[TheLaundryLady]

Thank you for your suggestions.
We have agreed to discuss it when he's finished his night shifts this week.