AIBU about DPs sensitivity *trigger death of pet*

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

I have 4 mice one recently contracted a cold like she has done in the past, she's white and seems to pick them up a fair bit. Always pulled back with extra TLC (from me only DP never bothers) anyway she was in her little "mouse hospital" I made getting fluids and food but because I'm ill myself I fell asleep in pain.

When I woke up I asked DP to check on her straight away. She was in the room across the hall, 3yr old DD was in the room next door and he yells "YEAH ITS DEAD".

Cue me being heartbroken and equally fuming because DD didn't need to find out like that and neither did I, surely? He says "well she is dead, so I didn't do anything wrong, you asked if it was ok but it's dead".

These are much loved pets and I think finding out in that manner (when she was doing alright when I last saw her) was cruel AIBU calling him a heartless prick and having no consideration for that fact my DD was listening. How hard to come in the room and say "sorry she's passed away" or something out of earshot

[fishonabicycle]

A day off work for a mouse? FFS.

[CafeCremeMerci]

so replacable. FFS it's a little creature with its own personality, not a house plant.

[zolalola]

Pets are pets. Members of people's family who is anyone to judge what kind of animal is more important?
For all we know it could have been like a teeny tiny dog - snuggling its owner, reacting to owners voice. Heartless bastards

[Stefoscope]

YANBU, she was a loved pet who you cared for, he could have broken the news in a gentler way. Sorry for your loss

[StrongBelwas]

I don't get this, is there a pet height requirement for empathy?

I'm really sorry about your mouse.

[KondosSecretJunkRoom]

How does your dp feel about giving a mouse tlc or having a 'mouse hospital'?

I'm not a pet person and I'd find it frustrating to support someone throwing all their emotional energy at a mouse and needing to be told that 'it didn't make it' which sounds awfully dramatic, something reserved for someone who has lost a very close relative. But that's me, this is why I didn't shack up with someone who bonds closely with animals.

I think he was cruel to announce it in the way he did, knowing that you would be upset like you were. I just can't understand why he did that unless he either doesn't know you very well or he finds your investment in your animals over the top - but it's not fair of him not to own this mismatch between you and be all passive aggressive about it.

[HobnailsandTaffeta]

Sorry you are upset but maybe he just isn't a pet person, I'm gutted when a pet dies but I'm also a country person. Animals die, we have to shoot them sometimes, he could have been a little kinder but I think calling him a prick is a bit strong.

On another note Trigger Warning really I want to put that one in room 101 with Lighthearted, everything is a flipping trigger these days. Rape yes, child abuse yes, death of a pet NO.

[Witchend]

I note you don't say your dd was upset.

At that age it's often just accepted, particularly if not too much is made of it, so it may have been easier for your DD to accept taking a casual attitude to it. If you take them aside and say in a sombre voice "I've some really bad news, you've got to be brave..." It's more likely to upset them.

Wasn't it Noel Streatfield's little brother that rushed out to greet his grandparents excitedly shouting "Guess what? Our Baby's dead". To him it was an exciting bit of news rather than the devastating shock for their parents.

[OiWithThePoodlesAlready]

Going against the grain here but I don't think he did anything wrong.

I grew up on a farm (and with an awful lot of pet cars, dogs, rabbits etc) so animals dying was a part of life and near enough and every day occurrence. Not that that stops it being sad but life goes on.

[Lilacpink40]

YANBU
Your DH knew that this was important to you. Regardless of his feelings, it would have cost him nothing to show you sympathy.

It's fine for you to feel pain about this. Losing a pet is sad.

[OiWithThePoodlesAlready]

Totally right witchend. Children of that age learn their reactions from their parent so making it into a big sad event doesnt do anyone any favours.

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

We've had mice snd hamsters etc and small furry things are cute but also so replaceable. A day off work fgs. Bet your colleagues were very unimpressed.

What a horrible attitude! When something happens to my cat he will not be 'replaceable' and I probably will have a day off work. It wouldn't worry me if one of my colleagues took annual/unpaid leave if a pet died and luckily I work with caring people who feel the same.

[MrsRabbitsTwin]

I've kept mice as an adult and as a child, and did my best to make sure they lived pleasant lives with lots of attention. I am sorry about your mouse as it is sad when they die.

However, there's no getting away from the fact that they don't live for a very long time. If you end up getting that upset about a mouse dying that you need to be told it has "passed away" or take a day off work then, with the best will in the world, pick a pet that has a longer lifespan.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

Sorry that a few people have assumed I've over reacted to the death? Yes I'm very sad but I haven't sat in heaps of tears or took DD to one side or anything? Nor have I implied I did I don't think.

Sorry if anyone thinks the trigger warning is OTT I just get told off a lot for not putting them on so didn't take the risk this time.

I would have simply told DD the mouse died but i just think "sorry to tell you but the mouse is dead" is a lot nicer than overhearing "YEAH ITS DEAD" (when I didn't even ask if it was dead btw).

[OnionKnight]

I can't see what he's done wrong and I say this as someone who's wife said that the hamster has snuffed it when she found him dead last year.

[Porcupinetree]

YANBU he was cruel.

[TENDTOprocrastinate]

Yabu for calling him a heartless prick.
Slight overreaction!
I agree with him- you asked if the mouse was ok and he answered.
If he had replied with "no the mouse is not ok" you probably would have asked why. Resulting in him saying "it's dead"
I suspect your dh didn't put too much thought into his split second reply. No need to call him a heartless prick!

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

For the posters saying about me suggesting "passed away" I do personally tend to use that for the death of anything or anyone but can understand if you think it's OTT, the word 'dead' doesn't bother me at all it was the way he said it. We've had a lot of family members die (and some at very young ages) so I'm really sensitive to death in general. I do deal with it appropriately for DD in my opinion but I think it's a subject that needs to be broached gently with me.

I'm one of those "won't squish a bug" people in the sense that I don't like unnecessary death but live in a farming community so not prudish to it. I just like a bit of tact/respect

Im not upset he didn't care about the mouse, I'm upset he didn't know me well enough and that I had to find out so harshly

[Comejointhemurder]

Is he from a different cultural background?.

I'm British and think it's sad when a pet dies but I don't understand the people who talk about their pet dying as the love of their life, soul mate etc which I've heard. I'd never say anything to someone who'd just lost a pet and said that but I really don't get it.

But a friend of mine is from Zimbabwe and he REALLY doesn't understand why people are upset when a pet dies because he wasn't brought up with the attitude that animals are anything other than animals. His friend here in the UK had a dog die and luckily before he could say anything; he saw the very sympathetic reaction of the others in the group who heard the announcement but later on he did say to me 'back home we'd say oh, the dogs dead - put it in the bin outside'!.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

TENDT I can accept that, although I would have reacted much better to the scenario you played out. Because I asked if it was ok, if it wasn't I was expecting a "no".

To me "yeah it's dead" (as a shout) isn't really a logical response to what I asked. Or I would have asked "is she dead?"

[OhShitFuck]

What a dick!

[QueenJuggler]

I don't get it maybe because I live in the country and see 100s of dead mice a year. Mice to me are not pets.

TBH, I also don't see fish as pets. I certainly never mourned when any of mine died.

Dogs, cats, even guinea pigs I get. Mice, not so much.

I do understand what you say about him knowing you better, and knowing how you would like to be told. Maybe he was just a bit shocked.

[dybil]

YANBU. I was in bits when my rats died and, had my partner discovered them, I'm sure they'd have known me well enough to be more sensitive than yours was.