To request a new midwife or complain over this social services issue?

[ChickenDrumsticks]

I'm a regular poster but this is the username I use when posting about this particular issue/event

Last year my DH was arrested for possessing indecent images of children. Police came into our home at 7am, searched it and took all our electronics.

DH runs his own business building sites online and, when he has a client, he does the full service including setting up email accounts for them. They told him that indecent images had been exchanged via an email he had set up. The user somehow 'hid' (sorry don't know official terminology) the IP address, and the only trace they had of anyone accessing the account was DH, hence the arrest. He handed over all relevant information about the client in question, but the police obviously still had to carry out a proper investigation, which they warned us would take months maybe years. He wasn't charged

In the meantime children's services intervened with our (at the time) 2yo DD. DH couldn't be alone with DD unsupervised until a conclusion was reached. It was incredibly tough for all of us. She was placed on a Child in Need plan and we had regular visits and a conference. HV was also involved but mainly from a support POV.

6 months after the arrest our goods were returned. They had found nothing at all and confirmed DH's account of events was correct. The case was dropped against him, and children's services closed the case on our daughter as they had no concerns. They commented on our strength and co-operation through the process, and when asked said there'd be concerns whatsoever should we have more children and there'd be no need for them to intervene. Because of sickness of a SW they took 2 months to close DD's case, which they apologised for, and made no visits in this time.

I can't tell you the relief we felt. I trusted DH's account, but also protected DD 'just in case' in ensuring he was not alone with her through the process. Had they found images I'd have left straight away.

We are expecting again, I am 5 months pregnant.

I have not exactly warmed to my MW, but TBH I didn't think it mattered too much as I was only ever seeing her at appointments.

In my green notes it asks if we have ever had SS intervention, to which I ticked 'yes' and put the social worker's name. That's all it asked for, no details. However the MW never asked about it, and I assumed she spoke to the SW beforehand to check details.

At the last appointment she said that as part of safeguarding they do checks with HV and GP, and "it's came up that there are some concerns to do with your husband and some images".

I explained the story, about how he was innocent, no images were found and children's services closed the case for our DD.

She said she'd just have to speak to children's services to clarify this, to which I said that's fine.

I got a call last week from the MW to say she's had our story clarified but that, because of our 'history', ie involvement with SS, the fact they 'didn't immediately close our case', and 'I didn't tell her about it', she was making another referral for our DD and unborn baby. I explained they closed the case slowly due to sickness, and that they'd confirm this, and there were no concerns as we knew unequivocally that no crime was committed. I also said I filled my green notes about SS involvement. She just kept saying our history meant she had to refer, and that I should have actually mentioned it to her, not just in the notes. She said they'd do one of 3 options-

1. Nothing
   
2. Have a discussion or home visit with us
   
3. Re-open a case with our DD and unborn baby
   

I've been sick with worry since the weekend. I haven't told DH, as he firmly believed that that awful phase in our lives was over. His mental health suffered greatly during the investigation, and I think more intervention would take him back to a horrible place.

I haven't eaten or slept in days, I keep crying and I do feel it's unfair - we know in hindsight there was never a danger to DD, so I don't know what has now changed.

The SW called me today and I thought I was going to faint with worry. She asked if there'd been any new developments or concerns since the case was closed, and had I any concerns or worries re DH? I said no, that I told the MW the story and wasn't sure why she had referred us, and no worries at all, we were fine. She went to chat to her manager and called back a few minutes later to confirm no visits would be made and they didn't need to re-open the case, and that she'll feed this back to the MW. She is really lovely and was worried about me not sleeping, and said it was really not necessary that we were referred and she was sorry I had to live through that worry for a week. She assumed I had 'told new concerns' to the MW as she doesn't know why else there'd be a referral.

I can't explain the relief I felt, I 100% understand why they safeguard, and would understand a referral of he had actually committed an offence or if they'd had concerns. However I felt that the MW referral was for no good reason and that she has been sloppy mainly re me ' not informing' her of previous involvement and also assuming the wrong thing about the time it took to close the case.

WIBU to request a new MW? And WIBU to put in a complaint - or is this very standard procedure to re-refer even with closed case, when there's been no new developments? I just feel she's caused unnecessary distress, the SW told her she had zero concerns yet still chose to refer.

[jb007]

I agree you should change midwife if you are not comfortable with the one you have but would like to say she was just doing her job. As someone else has already pointed out not everyone is honest about their history so she was being sensible - if she had concerns she clearly needed to act on them.

[mineofuselessinformation]

Could a middle road be to make an appointment with her and tell her how stressful the whole thing has been?
I suspect you might find a new midwife will make the same checks and you'll keep going round in circles.
If your current midwife responds sensibly and sympathetically, you might be able to rebuild your relationship with her.
Of course, that's only my thoughts, but if you feel all trust has gone and you can't get it back, the best thing may be to seek another midwife.

[1pink4blue]

in 2014 my youngest ds was 14 months ild and was mauled by a dog we had ss for a month of investigations and case was closed.
5 months later found out i was expecting again and mw asked if ss had ever been involved so of course i said yes.
she told me that she had no choice but to refer me to ss but i never heard from them and it was never mentioned by any mw or consultant again.
i think whenever ss has been involved they have to refer people but i think your mw handled it badly.

[SestraClone]

There's a difference between contacting SS to fact check and making a whole new referral for no good reason :(

[Masketti]

If possible they try and have your midwife deliver your baby. Now of course it totally depends on them being on shift in the hospital etc but I certainly wouldn't want someone who had done a sloppy job of reading my notes and a knee jerk SS referal without a professional conversation with SS first having such an important role in my new baby's life.

YWNBU to request a change and to give the reason for the request as losing trust in her. You totally have to believe in her fighting your corner.

[SirKillalot]

I'm a children's nurse if you'd have told me this I would have done a background check to social services because it's my job. You cannot trust what people tell you unfortunately. Then on finding the case closed and no new concerns that would have been it. If she'd have done that she wouldn't have had to re-refer and you wouldn't have heard from them.

[user1471601594]

If I was you I'd request a new one.
New midwife = clean slate and an unbiased attitude.

[herecomesthsun]

Actually, it seems very hard just to contact Social Services without doing a referral. There is some issue that the process is not properly logged unless they have the referral paperwork.

I personally think that we need to look very hard as a society at
a) how we can make necessary checks without causing unnecessary grief to families
b) the cuts that have been made to social services which mean that they operate ever more on a shoestring and under ever more pressure. It is very hard to be subtle in grey areas therefore.
c) the choices we as a society have made politically that have led to this.

[Gatehouse77]

I'd be inclined to make a GP appointment and talk it through with them. (Assuming you have a good relationship with your GP.) He/she may be able to allay your fears about having to go through it again (I can't see why a change in midwife within the same practice would warrant another call, surely it's in your notes now? But am prepared to be corrected by those in the know).

If you don't feel at ease with this midwife any more then I would push for a change. There are few people in our lives that we have to have complete trust and faith in and I would definitely put a midwife high on that list.

Ultimately, it has to be about what's right for you and your pregnancy. And if it's at the expense of the midwife's feelings then so be it. Yes, she was doing her job but that does mean you have to accept the manner in which it was done.

[RaspberryOverload]

If this issue is written up properly and clearly in the OP's notes, why would any new midwife need to do yet another check?

The check has been done. So, if each new professional needs to check then it's nothing but ongoing misery for the OP. And rather a stupid thing in any case.

[Dustpan]

This is a horrendous experience for you.

Yes, it's vital that professionals take their safeguarding responsibilities seriously, and the MW was right to run a check when she saw you had ticked the yes box re previous contact with SS.

However she should have been much better advised by her manager how to proceed from that point onwards. She should have stuck to information gathering without any inference of suspicion ("you should have told me about this").

I would absolutely request a new MW, and write to the line manager stating you appreciate the need to protect children, but this MW did not manage the situ correctly & caused huge strain to you and unborn baby. I would specifically request they assign you a MW with more experience in the complexities of SS contact, then ask for a briefing meeting between you, new MW, line manager and your SW if at all poss so they hear it in person from horses mouth that DH was found nothing wrong. Get a written minute of the meeting on file, in strictest confidence. Make sure it's written how much distress it has caused you.

MWs are doing their job by referring upwards any safeguarding concern or red flag, but most will not be adequately trained / experienced / confident enough to sensitively manage any non- straightforward situs such as yours. It's v reasonable to request someone who can.

I'm sorry to say, you may face other such questions in future from other medical / school professionals etc. They are just doing their job (and many times doing so will prevent a child from being hurt, thank goodness). But go in for- armed to any future situs with your written letter from SW stating there is no concern and she can be contacted to verify that.

Good luck x

[StuffandBother]

chickendrumsticks it sounds like you and DH have actually been through living hell, I'm so sorry. A pp mentioned at least you wouldn't have to go through the whole story again if you keep the original midwife which I think is a fair point so I'm not sure what I think you should do ... I've only replied as I wanted to offer my support

[IJustAteTheKidsFoodAgain]

It sounds not unreasonable that she made the referral, but a new midwife might be necessary as you don't like her and your experience would be infinitely better if you did. If I were you I would ask to change, not worry about making a complaint and perhaps consider bringing an advocate such as a doula to your appointments in future so someone is always there to talk things over and keep you calm as presumably the change of midwife will mean a second check?

[JellyBelli]

I dont see why she had to refer you. She has opened the whole case again but with no eveidence of any wrongdoing and no suspicion of risk.
I wouldn't want her as my midwife either.

[newmumwithquestions]

I'd request a new midwife; and definitely complain.

I had a situation with CS when DD1 was newborn. Nothing like as bad as the stress you've been through, but was hell to go through all the same. To give you the background DD had a birthmark that looked a bit like a bruise. MW referred to CS. Long story but protection measures in place until paediatrician confirmed it was a birthmark. It was hell. I complained - my complaint was primarily with CS but some elements involved MW and GP. The MW health authority complaints board were brilliant. They did a full review of the situation, agreed that a referral should never have been made, rolled out staff training and took my case as an example to the safeguarding children's board as an example of when protection measures werent appropriate. IMO there is to much bum-covering and making a referral 'just in case' when medical professionals should be just that- professionals willing and capable of making a judgement. Of course they should err on the side of being over cautious but the stress caused by an investigation is immense and therefore referrals shouldn't be made lightly.

In your case the MW should have been able to check your history and see that it was closed, and with no new concerns shouldn't have referred you. Even if you give her the benefit of the doubt and say maybe your notes and history weren't disclosed to her in which case she didn't have much choice but to refer but the process is still wrong, you shouldn't have been re-referred. But things won't change unless we complain.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope it goes smoothly from now on

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

I think you should request a new midwife. You need to trust your MW and feel comfortable with them and I don't think either will be possible with this MW now.
You could have a chat with your GP, make sure your notes are all up-to-date and then explain why you want a new MW.
I'm sorry she caused you to have such a horrible time.

[galaxygirl45]

I'm torn between saying she was only doing her job, and equally saying she handled it really badly. I'd be honest with her, and let her know she's caused you added stress that you really don't need, and say you expect better from her from now onwards. I hate to say it but changing midwives may mean you go through the whole process again. Good luck with your pregnancy.

[frikadela01]

Yanbu to request a new midwofe, like others have said the relationship is tainted now.

However the mw actions were not unreasonable. In the trust I work for we are advised to create new referrals since there is a very clear process for this and it creates a paper trail and means that SS have to respond (they aren't the easiest service to get information from)

[Tumtitum]

Only read your first post so apologies if I'm repeating. I would request a new midwife but wouldn't bother with a complaint as I don't think it would go anywhere. She sounds like a jobsworth who felt like she needed to cover her arse. I work in health and social care and unfortunately some people are so scared of what might happen if they don't make a referral somewhere that they can't use their common sense and realise that it isn't needed!! So sorry you had to be put through that stress, especially whilst pregnant

[frikadela01]

newmum
It's all good and well saying professionals should be capable making referrals based on their judgement but when they really hammer it home during the safeguarding training just what happens when those referrals aren't made, or aren't acted on then you kind of do want to be overly cautious. As an example my last safeguarding training spent the entire afternoon discussing the hamza khan case. Believe me I've put in my fair share of referrals to SS since then that have amounted to nothing but I always explain why and I'd rather do that than risk the alternative.

[Tomselleckhaskindeyes]

I do think she needs extra training so yes I would complain.

[ChickenDrumsticks]

Thanks everyone for your replies and understanding.

I think what I'm going to do is take a breather for a few days to calm down, my emotions are still running very high and it doesn't make for good decision making.

Could a new MW really refer me as well? Would they not see that SS have recently said no to opening a new case and be satisfied with that? I have to say I never thought that we'd have to have this dragged back up for years to come, again and again, I thought it was forever over I don't want to sound silly but he's done nothing wrong, if something had come of it I'd completely understand

I know I'm biased and emotional about the issue but I did think there's an element of over-riding common sense and what's good for our welfare for the sake of arse covering and self preservation. However I also know how much pressure HCPs are under to make sure they get safeguarding right, so I do see both sides.