to feel this is too much

[Augustbaby22]

So my 'best' friend is lovely she was a great support to me when I was on my own and pregnant with dd I've asked her to be Dd's godmother but recently there's been s few things that she's said that it getting a bit much for me.

1. was after telling her my plan for Dd's 1st birthday - just a bbq at my parents with family she invited herself to come just saying 'I'm booking it off work'
   

1. her telling me she had wanted to get a tattoo of Dd's name
   

1. When I sent a picture of dd she messaged back saying 'Love her like she's my own child'
   

1. Went for a rare night out in my old home town and saw a few people I knew so told them about dd and showed a picture and she kept saying 'she's basically my daughter'
   

1. The final straw, telling me she's planning on doing a memory box for dd for her 18th and has told me I need to give her a candle from her birthday cake
   

I get she's excited but it's getting on top of me a bit and I'm not a very assertive person, I've managed to persuade her it would be best to meet up just the 3 of us for Dd's birthday on a different day and did say nicely that if anyone gets a tattoo of Dd's name it should be me (not that I would not my kind of thing) but this memory box has gotten to me the most, was thinking of sending a texting just saying although it's a lovely idea it's really something I should be doing, or should I just leave it and put it down to her being overexcited and me being over sensitive and hope she doesn't go through with the idea?

[Wolpertinger]

1. You were telling her about the party, it probably did sound like she was invited, it's reasonable to assume a Godparent would be invited - YABU.
   

1. In my world this would be nuts - but not for everyone. No clear evidence either way.
   

1. Starting to sound a bit creepy.
   

1. YANBU. She is basically not her daughter.
   

1. Er, memory box???? These are the sort of things dying parents do for their children. YANBU.
   

So yes she should be at the birthday party but after that you should make sure all the candles are lost and that she understands talk of her being ''basically her daughter" is going too far.

[Danglyweed]

Yeah the only one YBU is number 1. Godparents should be treated as family surely? The others are very odd

[Augustbaby22]

Sorry if I'm drip feeding but it's on a Sunday and there are only 3 buses on that day to the nearest town then a 10 minute drive to mine, that's why I wanted to do something with her a different day somewhere more accessible for her. And again I wasn't discussing it with her she asked me what I was doing but I admit I was wrong on that point

[davos]

I think you can get away with inviting God parents and not other friends tbh.

But it sounds like the 'family only' is not the reason you don't want to invite her.

Number 4 is weird. The rest is a bit 'meh'.

[Trifleorbust]

You wouldn't have had to invite other friends. If anyone asks, she's her godmother, that's why she gets to come and other friends don't.

[bramblesandblackberries]

I think as well it can be difficult as you want to go along with friends enthusiasm for their children. My friend sends me a lot of photos of her (gorgeous!) daughter and I always try to reply with something nice like 'I love her little smile!' but I worry it sounds like I'm over involved in the baby

[Smurfit]

I think you should have invited her to the party - as godmother, in a way, she is family.

The tattoo would be pretty inappropriate. Maybe suggest she gets something else to represent your DD, maybe a special flower she loves or something.

The memory box is only a big deal if you're actually planning n doing one yourself. Personally I'd be too lazy and if someone else wanted to, then that's fine. If you are then just say so.

[Rubies12345]

I think you have the wrong idea about the Godmother role.

It's not an honourary role like a bridesmaid for one day, it's a lifelong commitment. If you die or become incapacitated she will bring up your child.

The memory box thing is normal, although I wouldn't call it that because that's what you call it when someone dies. But if you mean putting baby things in a box, that's fine!

[TheRealKimmySchmidt63]

A child can't have too much love - your daughter is only 1 - I am sure this is enthusiasm that will resolve itself in upcoming years and if it doesn't trust me you'll be glad for her during the 2's to 25s!! She sounds lovely if a tad over enthusiastic - I would assume as gm I'd be invited to the first birthday party - a godmother is a very special role to play - try to look at the positives in the situation.
Hope your dd has a lovely first birthday

[Wolpertinger]

Godmother role isn't about bringing up child if you die - it's about bringing up the child in the Christian faith.

Bringing up the child if you die is a guardian completely different - nothing to do with Godparents at all.

[Muskateersmummy]

I think the expecting to come to the party is understandable and the memory box could be a nice thing. Love her like she's my own is just a phrase but I would be pretty unhappy about the tattoo and number 4 on your list. I think you just need to be honest with her. She's your best friend, surely you can talk to your friend honestly about how you are feeling? I'm sure she won't have meant to over step the mark

[gonetoseeamanaboutadog]

Point 4 was unreasonable.

Not inviting her to the party was unreasonable.

She's being an involved, loving god mother regarding the other points...I think you're likely to ruin a friendship over nothing. This will ease off when she becomes a mum.

[ButEmilylovedhim]

I'm really surprised at all the posts saying the friend's actions are good and fine and normal! I was going to post at the start (but got distracted) and say how creepy it all sounds! It might be all fluffy and lovely but it might not as well. Presumably OP this has all sounded a warning bell clanging in your head. You should listen to that clanging! After all, you know her and how she is otherwise and we don't. If you think it's not coming from a completely benign place, then it probably isn't!

I had a friend and I ignored many warning bells over the years, saying to myself that's how she is, she's operating to slighty different social skills because of her upbringing, she means well, didn't mean to hurt me, it's me being over sensitive, I'm reading into it things that aren't there etc etc. Well, the scales feel from my eyes well and truly when she disagreed with me over some medical treatment for my dc. (Who she hadn't seen for years and years, certainly not a godmother). I wanted him to have it, she didn't. When I didn't rollover and instantly agree to do things her way, she was incredibly nasty.

God knows how she would have been if she had been closely involved with the dc over the years. I haven't seen her again since that day thank goodness. When I look back over the years, so so much manipulation which no doubt would have been explained away as concern and perfectly reasonable behaviour if I had posted on here. I knew her though and I knew the context. You do too OP.

To be honest, what I would do is tell her she's being far too intense and it was freaking me out. Then I would choose a godmother from within your family. Please listen to what your instincts are telling you. We have them for a reason. I ignored mine for far too long. 11 years too long

[Ellieboolou27]

Well said walpertinger the GODmother role is just that, not to "look after" if you die! Tattoos and memory boxes strike me as very strange! Op I hope you manage to sort this out