I only get to see my family once in a year max due to geographical distance and I try to enjoy every little moment with them. It's my Mum, my sister and my brother living in the city I come from and my father lives further away.
Now, our relationship with our father is slightly complicated. He's a textbook narcissist, has always been. He almost ruined my Mum's health by being a nasty bully who enjoyed pretending she was in the wrong, always telling us he was always right because he's our father and generally behaving like he was saving the world by his very presence.
They eventually divorced and he moved to a woman he seemed to have met while still with my Mum, about 75 miles away. This happened when I was in my 30s and already living abroad.
Our contact (and I mean all of his children) has been scarce ever since. He very rarely gets to see his Grandchildren, always expects my sister to bring her kids over to him for a visit to show what a great Grandda he is, full of wisdom and great memories he wants to share with his descendants. Never comes for birthdays, only sends a text or FB message while expecting full updates on how our children look and what they do right now.
Now, when I came over for 1.5 weeks of holidays, I sent him an email asking when he wants to come over and suggested that I could bring my nieces with me to meet him as they haven't seen him in a while, to which I was ordered to bring my daughter over to where he lives. I have no car available and I refused dragging a six year old on an almost two hours' journey one way only to tell her Grandda she doesn't even recognise properly hi and being paraded through the village so his neighbours see that he's got visitors only to have to get back on the bus and travel back while he could spend the time with his Grandchildren somewhere where they can play and talk together without having to travel and listening to the ominous are we there yet.
He never responded and I only got subtle hints from his unmarried sister who believes the sun shines out of her younger brothers' arseholes that he still expects me to go over. He is very active otherwise, goes angling, has a small business in physiotherapy (and believes he's got healing powers of pulling out pain out of people's aching joints) so by no means an immobile old man.
I'm not sorry I refused for me. I am glad he is happy where he lives, with a woman who unlike my Mum is willing to accept his higher authority and know it all attitude. I just feel sorry that he is so bloody blind and engrossed in himself that he's depriving himself of seeing his Grandchildren. I personally don't miss our conversations because they generally move around the same topics in which he always comes out as the boss.
AIBU for not going over and making my daughter and nieces spend a day on a bus and rather prefer them enjoying the time together where they actually can have some fun?
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AIBU?
AIBU to not have met him?
14 replies
Thatsmeinthecorner2016 · 15/08/2016 05:44
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