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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Squirting toddler with water pistol

56 replies

Rockmegently · 11/08/2016 19:59

At a free outdoor pool today with ds1(10) and dd(8) and this little lad (3, maybe 4 years old) starts following them around squirting them with his water pistol. At first they're laughing but they start to get a bit fed up, as he is constantly squirting water in their faces so they can't really play at all. All the kids use water pistols at this pool as it sells them and they all have a lot of fun, it's kind of expected that kids squirt water at each other. But after they have spent around five minutes just basically trying to get away from him they kept looking over at me with that uncomfortable look kids do when they don't know what to do, so I went over and said to them, tell him you don't like it, say "stop it, we don't like it" So they did this a few times, but he just carried on, following them around constantly squirting them. Every time they stood still he came up to within a few feet of them and squirted the water right in their faces, not nastily, just with a big grin like he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. I said to him, "I think you've squirted them enough, they don't want to play anymore, why don't you squirt up in the air for a bit?" but he didn't really acknowledge me.

Anyway, I got fed up after another five minutes of this and went over to them and said, "just squirt him back, he thinks it's a game of him chasing and you running away. He's following you because you're older and he doesn't think you will do anything back to him." And they looked at their water pistols and said, "but he's little!" And I told them it was ok, all the kids were squirting each other, if you squirt him he will probably stop following you." So dd squirted him and he looked a bit shocked and then started bawling (totally shocked me tbh I was not expecting him to cry), within a couple of seconds a woman was standing there glaring at dd and said, "he's only a baby" really accusingly . I absolutely saw red and said, "but they are all children! What else did you expect them to do?" And she just kept banging on about how he was younger, they were older and should know better, I ended up thinking maybe I had done the wrong thing and felt awful for dd as she was so upset, she hates being in trouble and having a random adult glaring at her was horrible for her. We left soon after.

WIBU and what should I have done differently? Generally there is not a problem at the pool as parents tend to step in if kids are going over the top with the water pistols, but that wasn't happening today! I told dd it wasn't her fault as I told her to do it, and I believed I was doing the right thing at the time, so she seems ok now.

OP posts:

Champagneformyrealfriends · 11/08/2016 20:34

Yanbu. Stupid woman should have told her child to stop antagonising older children. What did she think would happen?!

Original poster

Rockmegently · 11/08/2016 20:36

I know what you mean loopy and I think he could have been a bit shocked, but more from the fact she did it then it going on his face iyswim

OP posts:

mogloveseggs · 11/08/2016 20:38

Ds loves a water fight but only if he doesn't get wet. Has a right strop if you squirt him back. We still do it though. Yanbu op.

Original poster

Rockmegently · 11/08/2016 20:39

I think I would feel better if dd had just taken it upon herself to do it, I would have totally understood her reaction! But it's the fact I told her to that makes me wonder if iabu.

OP posts:

RedToothBrush · 11/08/2016 20:41

Fair game.

You don't let a toddler play with bigger children if they have water pistols if you have a problem with them getting sprayed. Its a hazard of the game, and its your job as the parent to do a risk assessment of the situation and work out the likelihood of that happening in the first place. The chance was extremely high especially since the child was spraying other children in the face. You don't come in blaming other people for your own inability to assess the situation your toddler is in properly.

She is blaming children for picking on someone smaller which is kind of ironic since she is the one who is old enough to know better.

Where was she when she sprayed your children in the face and you said something to him? Surely he is too young to be playing in the pool with that lack of supervision, as that was her opportunity to step in and either talk to him or to you and she sounds like she wasn't aware of it.

Move on. The woman is clearly lacking in her own responsibility and brain cells.

Marcipex · 11/08/2016 20:41

He's old enough to follow a simple instruction. 3-4 isn't really a toddler.

And I understand exactly what you mean about older children too kind/polite to retaliate because he's smaller.

You didnt do anything wrong and his mother sounds like a loon. Your poor dd.

Eeeek686 · 11/08/2016 20:42

Was going to say yanbu but actually on your last post about being "unsure" if he was hit in the face I would totally takes that to mean it was actually pretty darn close enough to his face to shock him and would obviously be upsetting as there's no way he'd have been expecting it?

Also got to admit I'm kind of taking issue with your use of the word "toddler" but with ref to his age being 3 or 4..... not just being semantic here - did he really look like he was toddling, in which case he would actually have been more like 2-3, and would explain his reaction (& mean ywbu!).... my DD is 3.5 and can't imagine anyone referring to her as a toddler even if they didn't know her at all, she is a proper little girl ie faster than me and twice as mouthy !

PurplePidjin · 11/08/2016 20:43

mog mine too. But if he wants to join in, he has to learn to join in!

Op, yanbu

APlaceOnTheCouch · 11/08/2016 20:43

I would have asked him where his grown-up was. Then taken him over and explained that the older DCs were getting bored. I wouldn't have told an 8 yr old to squirt someone half their age.

Voddy4 · 11/08/2016 20:45

Totally not your fault, my ds is 3 and always follows others around the park trying to play with them
I watch him like a hawk and when it's obvious the other kids are getting tired of him following them or playing with them I make sure he stops playing with them and moves on or plays by himself. This child's parents should have been watching him harass your dc when they weren't interested and should have intervened

laidbackneko · 11/08/2016 20:46

YY to your last post rock. And the toddler's reaction must have given your dd a bit of a shock too.

Original poster

Rockmegently · 11/08/2016 20:47

I would definitely say 3-4, from the way he moved, reflexes etc as well as size, you are right toddler was a poor choice of words. Had he been a toddling 18 month old I'd have been more concerned that nobody seemed to be watching him

OP posts:

mogloveseggs · 11/08/2016 20:48

Purple I agree. He's a really sore loser too am hoping he will get over that once he starts school.

RosieandJim89 · 11/08/2016 20:49

YANBU I always tell my 3 yr old that if he doesn't want to be squirted he shouldn't squirt others. He understands and follows the rule.
Some children poured a bottle of water over him once and he cried. I told them he was too little for that but didn't tell them off. I encouraged DS to "get them back" but once he had I reminded him that they would get him back if he carried on so he stopped.

GnomeDePlume · 11/08/2016 20:50

Ameliablue, why? The child's parents should have been supervising, it isnt up to the OP to nursemaid someone else's child.

e1y1 · 11/08/2016 20:51

He is 3/4, not a baby.

Wouldn't matter if it is was in the face or not, as PP said why take him there if his mum could not accept he was going to get squirted back?

Like the idea of squirting mum or pushing her in the pool

RepentAtLeisure · 11/08/2016 20:53

I can't stand people who only show an interest in parenting their kids when there's a fight to be had.

mathanxiety · 11/08/2016 20:54

Something like this happened to DD1 and DS except it was sand being thrown in their hair. I stepped in and said 'That's enough. Off you go,' to the offender. The mother appeared out of nowhere with a face like thunder and made it clear she didn't think much of me telling her son what to do. I dropped an F bomb. Not my proudest moment. But heyho, neither DS nor DD1 remember it at all and the other kid didn't return.

YANBU.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 11/08/2016 20:56

Ugh, the child's mother was definitely BU! As was the child, although if he was struggling to control himself then the adult responsible for him should have stepped in to help him. Your DD definitely wasn't.

You..? I don't think you were BU as such, but perhaps it wasn't the best thing (I'd also have escorted him back to his family). I don't know. I think your children instinctively recognised something when they said "but he's just little!", and probably they had it right. Definitely don't think you need to feel guilty or dwell on it, though - everything's always easier to judge in retrospect.

Eeeek686 · 11/08/2016 20:56

In that case Op yanbu! We have been holidaying with Dsis & nephews this week (10&13) & i have spent most of the week wearily reminding Dd if she is going to chase after them deliberately jumping on them and starting play fights it is going to end in tears.... probably mine, to be fair, but she definitely knows the consequences messing with the big boys now!

BolshierAryaStark · 11/08/2016 20:58

Definitely NBU, doesn't matter if it was in his face or not either -he had plenty of warnings & carried on, at 3 or 4 he's old enough to understand stop. As already said if she wasn't happy for him to be squirted he shouldn't have even been there.

5moreminutes · 11/08/2016 20:59

YANBU at all.

Sometimes parents have incredibly unreasonable ideas about what it is normal to expect from any random children more than a few months older than their own eldest child - endless tolerance of being followed, pestered, bothered and so on being an incredibly unreasonable expectation!

TBH in public playgrounds and other play areas little ones pestering or endlessly getting in the way of bewildered, mildly unhappy but inherently decent older children probably happens far, far, far more often than bigger kids being in any way nasty to smaller ones.

Metalguru · 11/08/2016 21:02

Parents who have younger kids sometimes forget that older kids are still kids! They are not adults, like you said to her, they were all children and she shouldn't have glared at your daughter, yanbu.

Ameliablue · 11/08/2016 21:03

Is not about nurse maiding, it's about showing a bit of common sense.

woodenmouse · 11/08/2016 21:05

My ds (3) love to play with older children and this is something he would do but I would expect him to stop when asked. I would also be supervising him and stepping in if need be. I wouldn't have a problem with older children squirting him back

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