AIBU not to let my 9yo DD1 have a mobile phone

[BecauseIbloodysaidsothatswhy]

My 9yo DD1 has been nagging me for a mobile phone for months. It started because her best friend was given one by her dad so that he could contact her without having to go through her mum (messy divorce/access battle). Anyway, I've told DD1 she is too young & she can have one when she starts high school in 2 years (which went down well ).

Just before the end of term, however, a police officer came into to DDs school to discuss Internet safety and asked DDs year group how many of them had their own mobile phones. Apparently, the vast majority of them put their hands up which further inflamed my DDs sense of injustice.

So - AIBU to day no to a mobile phone for a 9yo or is that just the age they get them nowadays? Happy to be told I'm just an old fuddy duddy

[Llareggub]

My 9 year old has one. I bought it so he could receive calls from his father and contact him without having to go through me. I never minded my phone being used for contact but as his father never called or responded to messages from my phone I thought it would help.

He uses it to text his cousins, grandparents and father, mainly about football.

When he and his younger brother are away with their grandparents in the school holidays I like the fact they can call me independently without having to ask permission to use the landline. I also like to be able to send them little messages and photos while they are away.

It never leaves the house and it is mostly not charged.

A few of his friends FaceTime from iPads but none of them have their own, they are using their parents iPhones or iPads. I'm happy for him to use my phone for that purpose.

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

My 8 year old got my old one when I upgraded. He couldn't care less about phoning (except to ask his dad to bring home stuff), but he was having problems writing sentences by himself so I showed him how to text and he is using this as a way to improve. I have to have a lot of text conversations about fishing and minecraft, but it seems to be helping him.

[seventhgonickname]

My daughter had a v basic phone when she started secondary school,have her my old smart phone this yr(she's now 13) but she seems to listen to music on it mostly as I can never get hold of her when I'm at work.

[ItsABanana]

I don't think you're being an old fuddy duddy. At 9, there is absolutely no need for them to have a mobile phone.
I have a 9 year old. He's not getting a mobile phone yet. He'll get one when his brother did. Which is when he gets to high school age.
Said brother is 13 and has had one since he had to start making his way to high school by himself.
Only a short walk away, but still independently walking there by himself so I wanted the added security of him having a phone on him if need be.
9 though? No. Still at primary, still with me, still with no need for a phone.

[Welshmaenad]

DD had one for her tenth birthday - I'd initially said high school but she is very sensible and responsible and I felt that should be rewarded.

There are rules - it stays downstairs when she goes to bed, I have the passcode and check it regularly, she asks before downloading apps of games so I can approve them, she is not allowed Twitter, FB or Instagram. She has snapchat for the filters but the only contacts she is allowed on there are me and my sister. She follows the rules rigidly and takes good care of the phone.

Up to you as the parent but it's not a case of no phone vs utter unregulated depravity, there are middle ground options.

[LucyBabs]

whimsical you sound like an arse (I mean that in the nicest possible way)
I accept some parents buy or hand down phones to their young dc.
It doesn't mean those who don't, aren't aware the world has changed

[TheRollingCrone]

My nearly 9 yr old occasionally asks for one

"Can I get a phone Mum"
"No, anyhow who would you call?"
"You"
"Yes, but I don't want to talk you anymore than is necessary "

She knows I'm skitting, I think I'd need to make sure I was properly tech wise, and she was of an age to clearly understand grooming, body image, porn- we've danced around these subjects but she's not ready yet.
She doesn't have unfettered access to tech, and would rather skateboard which suits me right now

[Anonymouses]

I gave my 11 year old one. It's my old Nokia parental controlled to bugger you. She has just run out of credit. It had £10 on it, 12 months ago. She mostly never touches it. £8 of the credit went just before the end of term with her and her bff texting about prom dresses...

[Anonymouses]

I think the novelty wears off fast. They aren't allowed them in school anyway so hers never goes to school. It will go to secondary with her as she will be walking but it has to be turned off at the school doors and left off and in a bag for the day. The school has an if we see it we confiscate it policy. If she was texting until stupid o clock I would immediately remove it.

My 9 year old doesn't have one and isn't getting one until she is also 11.

[Topseyt]

All of my three DDs got mobile phones just in time for when they went to secondary school. They were 11.

I don't think 9 year olds need them.

[ineedamoreadultieradult]

All thode with 9 year olds who aren't allowed phones don they have a tablet or laptop? Genuinely interested as I'm not sure why there is a difference. All 3 can be used to.call, text, take pictures (not as easy on a laptop but still possible) access the Internet, download apps etc

[WaitrosePigeon]

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. Kids have mobiles at 9 these days?

[Idefix]

At 9 mine did have access to a laptop but with supervision. Laptop stayed downstairs and was used with us nearby (loitering from time to time to see what was being looked at.)
Also had parental controls on what could be accessed, but was aware that these were not perfect.
This was not hard and yes dd did sometimes complain that others have more freedom but we would just explain this was our family our rules.

[Idefix]

Opps so no Yanbu op

[Mummyoflittledragon]

DD (8) got dhs iPhone when he upgraded on a pay as you go. I've set it up to only have Internet access at home and told her, like the the iPad, it only works on wifi. She's not greatly into technology - just the odd text to grandma and to her one friend, who also has a phone. She mainly plays games on it. I don't see the issue of having one on this basis and I don't see the issue with refusing your ds. The main reason she has a phone is for when she goes to camp for 4 nights with her riding club on Sunday and I want her to be able to phone me when she wants as she's still really young and if she's upset at 6am or something, I will be able to reassure her. She's only 15 mins down the road so I can drive over if really necessary. I don't know if she'll remember to charge it up or lose it - we will see.

[OneArt]

ineeda

No, my 10yo doesn't have a tablet or laptop of his own. He does have access to the family iPad and laptop.

[Toomanycats99]

My daughter is just about to turn 9 and says she has a phone. What she actually has is my husbands old iPhone that had had its sim removed. So effectively it's an iPod touch. She uses it for playing games and listening to music and it's never allowed upstairs. In time hopefully we can just get away with putting a sim in it in a couple of years when she starts senior school. My 5 year old thinks and says she has her own iPad! What we have is a very old original v1 iPad it's not worth trading in that she uses on long car journeys!

[Ameliablue]

My girls have laptops. Their these are different from a phone partly because they are larger so less likely to be lost but also they run Windows 10 which gives me more control over what they can do on them and there is also the fact they used their own money so it was a laptop they chose rather than a phone or tablet.

[Babyzoo]

Yanbu and I wouldn't be surprised if half of the kids that declared they've got a mobile phone haven't really.

I let ds play games on an old phone of mine and he went round telling everyone he had his own phone now.

He also tells everyone that he's got a PS3, a laptop and an iPad. The PS3 is his dad but he's allowed to use it, the iPad isn't an iPad but a cheap tablet and it's the whole families and same with the laptop, they're family items.

[Middleoftheroad]

My two are 10. Thinking of getting them for Xmas or their birtjhday at Easter in the run up to starting senior schoo. On holiday etc they have occasionally used our spare but I could easily see them losing it.

[UsedToBeAPaxmanFan]

Our ds didn't have phones until they went to secondary school. However, I got so fee up with chasing ds2 all over the village whenever he didn't come in for tea that I bought a very cheap PAYG phone with no internet acess which was kept in the kitchen drawer. If he went out to.play he took it with him then returned it when he came back. It was never referred to as his phone (even though he was the only one who used it). We just called it the spare phone.
I wouldn't get a 9 year old a phone unless they need it eg to speak to other parent if not living with them.

[WhimsicalWinnifred]

Lucybabs, ohmygod may be aware the world has changed but using an example of how ten years ago or more she didn't have a mobile until she was 16 in a time when a lot of adults didn't is not relative in this case. The concept of mobiles and other technology has changed. It does not make me an arse to point that out.

[megletthesecond]

ineed 9yo ds has a basic phone and no laptop. No xbox or play station either.