What do you wish you'd known at 40?

[spad]

I have not long turned 40 and am feeling a lot bit lost. Really just looking for a kick up the bum and inspiration if you please...

Tia

[pleasemothermay1]

3 children is 1 child to many 😕

[Clayhead]

I wish I'd been told just how hard parenting teens is and how much energy it takes! Feel like I'll be lucky to finish my forties intact at this rate, am only 41!

[Fortybingowings]

I find BJs a useful negotiating tool in return for outstanding DIY jobs.
Happy DH, happy wife. I make sure I get mine too!

[Destinysdaughter]

pleasemother I'd go further and say make sure you get your pleasure first and don't be givin no BJs until you have...!

[littlemissneela]

I am 44, and since I was about 40 I have felt much more assured of myself, and more likely to stand up for certain things. I feel I am also taken much more seriously in shops and other places.

Inside, however, I still feel in my early 30's :)

[pleasemothermay1]

Never give blow jobs unless there willing to return the favour

Been caught out a few fucking times down the line

[ChrissyHynde]

Nearly 52 and very unhappy with my relationship. I knew at 40 I wasn't happy but just muddled through. Now all I can see is pensions, retirement (husband due to retire in 3 years) and hanging in for that. Still have dependent children and so unsure what to do. So..the message is...,time goes by so quickly , act on things today

[soyvanillalatte]

1. Keep your weight in check- it gets hard from here
   
2. Wear sunglasses
   
3. Play around with makeup, don't be conservative because you won't be able to do glitter and shine later
   
4. Use your precious things, don't keep them For "special"
   

Just for starters

[stabbypokey]

I'm 47, your jawline and neck start to go a bit which can make you look like Droopy. So do exercises to firm your jawline up and moisturise your neck. Go to the dental hygienist twice a year and get bleaching trays before you are horrified by the Elizabethan teeth smiling back at you in a photo.

Don't take a break from drinking, because when you go to a party and your tolerance is so low you will become white girl wasted on 3 glasses of wine. Not a good look.

[areyoubeingserviced]

Use weights to exercise , eat more protein.
Keep out of the sun.
Don't think old. If you think old , you look old.

[minifingerz]

That you can't carry on stuffing your face and doing no exercise and expect to still be a size 12 by the time you turn 50.

That if you let your career plans fester you will be virtually unemployable by the end of your next decade.

That the teenage years with your child are generally vastly worse than anything which has preceeded it, so batten down the fucking hatches.

That stress in your 40's is very harmful to your health.

Sorry OP, bet you wish you hadn't asked!

[OnTheMove28]

Agree with what everyone says about health and fitness - if you don't do it now, it will just become harder.

Also... I remember a friend (recruitment consultant), saying that your earning capacity peaks at about 42/43. I laughed at the time but she was so right. Be very careful about career decisions in your 40s - that's not to say, don't retrain or whatever, but be aware that most people really do become invisible to the jobs/promotion market post-50

[JasperDamerel]

Also, that I won't get thin, but that that won't matter, and I should stop trying to lose weight before doing all the stuff I want to do.

[JasperDamerel]

I'm only 42, so I think it's a bit early for generalisations, but I suspect that I might be able to tell my former self that actually I wasn't a washed-up frump who'd wasted her life, but was actually on the verge of doing a load of stuff I'd always wanted to do but had been too scared to try. The past year has been pretty amazing.

[Zhx3]

So pleased to find this thread. I am 40 later this year and not really looking forward to it. My teeth are starting to go already! Thanks for the advice. I recently started cycling again and plan to start yoga again when the summer is over.

[humblesims]

Everyone is giving good advice here. I'm fifty and if I could go back to turning 40 then definitely weight and health would be top priority. Eat well and exercise. Moderately. You dont need to go mad.
Start doing some of the things you've always wanted to do (living loving learning). And stop doing most of the things you've always known you need to (smoking drinking eating whatever). Put yourself into the best physical and mental shape you can now to prepare for your fifites.

[NorthFlameglitter]

I have to say that life really does begin at 40! I have a young child, have restarted my career in an amazing company, have some great best friends/work colleagues & an awesome husband and have just shed 2 stone.

I'm more confident, more tolerant and definitely more motivated in my 40's - Bring it on!

40

[junebirthdaygirl]

That it will be fine. Agree about the clothes. I did that changing clothes around then but now in mid 50s am fully back in my favourite jeans etc. But do find what works shape and colour wise and only buy these.
I have more time for friends as kids independent and we have great fun and support. You will survive the teenage years and your older teens will be fab company and great entertainment.
I wish l had known 40 is young and there are many many happy days ahead.

[Mintychoc1]

Bad stuff first:-
Definitely weight - get it under control now because it gets harder and harder as the years go by.
Brace yourself for heartburn and tooth decay!
Prepare to be considered a faceless middle aged woman, who strangers won't try to chat up! (Not a given, but certainly happens a lot).

Good stuff:-
There is something very liberating about accepting that you're not in a daily beauty contest any more, trying to glam up and match the 20-somethings. You can just be yourself, and if you look good then that's great, but if you look scruffy then it doesn't matter.
I have way more confidence in my 40s than in earlier decades - I have life experience, and I'm less likely to take crap from people.
I have recently started a new relationship and sex in my 40s is better than ever before!

[Destinysdaughter]

It's all relative really isn't it? I'd love to be 40 again! 😀💃

[Ch0caholix]

If someone had told me all the things that would happen to me after 40 I would never have believed them !

To put things into words would be - "life begins at 40"

So to everyone that predicted doom and gloom, you were wrong !

[Ifiwasabadger]

I turned 40 last month and not massively happy about it TBH. I do have a wonderful life, run my own business, very comfortable money wise, gorgeous daughter, travel a lot. So I have nothing to complain about.

But I do think wistfull of dancing all night in the twenties without a care in the world.....

[allegretto]

That it is worth investing in your health. I am early forties and have never really exercised - am paying the price now though! I need to get moving.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es]

I'm about to turn 50 and agree with several of these.

Tap dancing and ballet - yes! Took up both last year.

My DCs are still preteen, so will be at home for a long time yet, but they are more independent year by year. Me doing ballet and tap comes from DD doing both too, so I would say encourage them to follow their interests and maybe you'll find new ones too.

I've been lucky so far, no sign of menopause, but fat is harder to shift, aches and pains are more frequent, look after your body, oh and use spf on your face.

Along the same lines, you are not too old for long hair, make-up, short skirts, black nail varnish or whatever suits you and you like wearing. I disappeared into frumpsville for a while in my late 30s, I'm not the height of fashion now, but I grew back my hair, learned a lot about hair and make-up etc in my 40s and am a lot more confident in my appearance now.