To be fed up of my social anxiety?

[BookATable]

Im really struggling these past few weeks. I don't know why tbh. I think sometimes it just feels like it's too much hard work to try to be positive and just get on with life. I don't have the energy to feel positive. I want to stay in bed, eat chocolate and drink wine and have my own pity party.

I hate myself, who I am. I don't like myself and don't expect others to either. What's wrong with me. I wish I was something else. Ive been made with a massive fault that everyone hates. It's held me back in everything and is the reason I'm behind socially than everybody else. Kids are better than me. I'm ashamed of myself.

I know I shouldn't but I can't help but to look at others' lives - the bits I struggle with I compare. How easy and effortless it comes to them- talking.
Most people might compare others cars, houses, money, career etc but I envy anyone who has the freedom to be themselves, to speak, to relax and have fun in social interactions.

It's a horrible thing. I feel I am being punished, a life sentence of never being able to break free.

I have never known a life without it and cannot bear to think about the rest of my life with it.

[neolara]

I had massive social anxiety as a teen. I pretty much didn't talk for about 2 years. It was completely debilitating. I managed to find a way though it. Read a lot of books. Had some counselling. Practiced. I'm now middle aged. I can go into a party where I know no-one and be fine. Better than fine. Positively good. My current friends would be gobsmacked if they knew.

I don't say this to boast. I just want you to know that it is possible to recover from SA. You need to find the strategies that work for you. It can take time and a huge amount of effort and what is the solution for one person may not be the same for someone else. Don't give up hope.