Was I being rude? I didn't think so ?

[Embarrassment2016]

But of background, I'm quite a hoarder and recently have been trying to declutter.
I do this by bagging things up, waiting a couple of weeks and either adding to them or going through and taking items back out that I thought I didn't want but did. So, there are usually 2-3 bin bags of stuff in my room.

Every month dh takes some to the charity shop. It's a system that's working for me.

My usual cleaner is on holiday so had a different one. She mentioned bags and I said it's fine to move them to hoover it's just stuff for the charity shop and bits I'm de cluttering. She asked if there was kids stuff in there and I said yes and if she wanted it is sort through and give to her next week. All fine. Half an hour later she was saying the bags are really in her way can she move them I said yes.
Then she said she needed to take them downstairs. I said it's fine dh will probably take them at the weekend so fine to move them if she didn't mind the weight of them.

She then put them by the front door and I said I'd move them to the sofa near kitchen and she said "no I'll bring my car round and take them today". I explained I actually still needed to sort through them again. She seemed really put out

She came home and asked why they were on the sofa and he said i should have let her take them? Was I rude not to have? I just need to de clutter my house my way and dos t want to be 'forced' into everything going at once ?

[BackforGood]

I don't think you were being rude, but then I don't think she was either. I'd be delighted if someone could make use of stuff I didn't want anymore. That is my problem with decluttering, that actual getting rid. I can decide that I don't need it anymore, but always want to find someone who could use it, rather than throwing it. I would, therefore, have been delighted at someone offering to take stuff I'd already bagged up to go. Perhaps she thought she was helping you, and then got a bit embarrassed at the misunderstanding, as your thing of bagging stuff, then going through it again is probably alien to her.

[pillowaddict]

I also think it's a shame for things not to go to people who'd use them - not saying you shouldn't put to charity of course as that's a great cause but she was probably a bit embarrassed to ask if there'd be anything she could use and perhaps she's not had anything new for herself for a while but thought it easier to ask about kids stuff? I think it would have been kind to have let her have them if you're getting rid anyway.

[trafalgargal]

You've probably cured her of ever offering to help anyone in the future.

I tend to think that people who always assume the worst of others are attributing what they would do to the motives of others.

I read it as Hoarder has bagged up stuff but is now faffing and wants to go through it again as an excuse to not throw some of the stuff away and the healthy thing to do would have been to let her take it. Junk only needs putting in bin bags once - if you have to keep resifting you are looking for excuses. She offered you an intervention - you refused - and are feeling defensive about doing so.

[katiekrafter]

I would be really upset with her. Sounds like she wanted to take all the stuff and only pass on to charity what she didn't want. YANBU at all. (or rude!)

[DanglyEarOrnaments]

Cleaners should just clean for you! Full stop that's it!

I am a cleaner btw!!

[RhiWrites]

It might be a simple misunderstanding. Why not bag up the kids stuff and tell her next week "I've sorted through now, here are two bags you can have?"

[Memoires]

(I had that happen once, which is why I mentioned it. I'm sure mist people wouldn't do that. Her being pissed off when you wouldn't let her just take them sounded so like what happened to me.)

[Memoires]

She had her eye on more than the kids' stuff you'd said she could have. If I were really nasty, I'd wonder whether she'd just popped something extra in there too.

[LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF]

Congratulations on tackling it, by the way, it really is tough. I'm trying to declutter at the mo, and it's really hard work. Think DH should be a tad more supportive! 4-5 bin bags a month is great progress, good luck!

[Embarrassment2016]

They were not really in the way (I keep the bags at the side of our bed), our usual cleane just moves them, hoovers and puts them back. I don't mind at all giving stuff to her it was just her insistence and I wasn't sure about everything in the bags
Possibly she did think it may help as I have a lot of clutter (less than I did previously but still a lot. I get rid of 4-5 bin bags full a month)

[bumsexatthebingo]

Is it quite difficult to clean if you are a hoarder? Maybe she didn't think you would get rid of them and wanted to get them out of the way so she (or her colleague) didn't have to lug them around the house again next time.

[BeMorePanda]

Well its possible she simply misunderstood you. There were bin bags of stuff that were going to the charity shop that you told her she could help herself too. Perhaps she didn't understand the caveat AFTER I have gone through them again next week.

I misunderstood this part of your OP and had to read it twice to pick up the "after I've gone through it again" bit. Which is a bit odd - its your way, thats fine, but maybe she didn't clearly get this part of the message.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

YANBU. You were not rude at all. She was rude and cheeky. You were quite clear you hadn't finished with them and she was chancing her arm to try and take it today. I'd take the lot to the charity shop

[Mummyme1987]

Otherwise she would have just wanted the kids stuff.

[Mummyme1987]

Yes it rude of her. She wanted all of it. It's probably good stuff she could see a profit from. I bet they would have been on fb by the end of the week. Yanbu.

[snowy508601]

I think she thinks your have a 'hoarding problem' and is tryingto help you.Possibly she has also been primed by your dh

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

Since she is only temporary, she might have worried that she wouldn't get another chance because your usual cleaner might be back before you decide to let the stuff go. Sorry but I can't get worked up about someone wanting to take stuff from charity bags.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

She was trying to help herself to your belongings.

I wouldn't be asking her to clean for me again.

[HereIAm20]

If you hadn't already done your final sort through of course yanbu. She was really rude. You'd already told her (more than once) that you'd give her stuff next time.

Your husband probably was thinking from the point of view (if you are a terrible hoarder) that it would have been great for another load to have gone from the house and assumes that you will be hanging on to some of it when you may not necessarily need to - so he is probably being fine too.

Temp cleaner is the one bu.

[augustusglupe]

She was very rude!! She was there to clean, not pass comment on what you had or didn't have in your own home!

[pillowaddict]

Hm I think if I were her I'd also assume you knew what was going having placed it in the bag already so therefore can see why she'd ask to look through. I wouldn't have a problem at all with that myself. It's fine you weren't ready for them to go but u don't think she was rude to assume. In your dh's shoes if be delighted that the stuff was being removed quickly and also saving me a job so also see his point of view!

[LivingOnTheDancefloor]

She was rude, not you

[Nydj]

You weren't rude but I think if you had given her the bags it may have helped you to declutter more efficiently in the future. I accept that I may just be projecting as I live with a hoarder and my sympathies are with your DH!

[AprilLoveJ]

Not rude at all. Your dh perhaps a little rude for not recognising that you are a grown adult capable of making a decision and following through on it.

If you weren't ready to part with them yet that is your choice. You have your system and its working. Cleaner shouldn't have acted rude or put out at all! Should have waited respectfully until you were ready to hand things over. No idea why dh would say that to you. Nothing you have done has been rude. Giving things away for free (when you've sorted them so you are sure) is a kind act.

I too have done this and thought I wanted rid of stuff but second time around was glad to hold onto a couple of bits from dd's baby collection. I've given away things by mistake from not checking correct bags when moving (including brand new Office wedges at £50) and was gutted. Somebody had a good day at British Heart Foundation that day!

[Summerwood1]

No you was not rude but she was really cheeky.