Aibu to think ex partners new gf is a b***h

[Queenie3]

me and ex partner broke up four years ago we have a ds who is 8 together. in this time I have met new dp and had another ds, he has had many of girlfriends and currently has a new girlfriend of about 2 months, he used to see ds one day every weekend unless he had other plans and sometimes overnight maybe once every two months we've always been flexible as he used to work away and I also like to take ds on days out. so ds has met this new gf and says she just don't speak to him, doesn't answer him unless he's dad is right there. Every week for the first 3 weeks he came back saying the same I always have the same reply you have to make an effort for daddy's sake maybe she is shy. She has a dd of her own who lives with her dad so is only sometimes there and he says she will play with her and not him, I say why don't you ask her if you can join in. When he drops him back she will get out of the car and lean against it watching, one time ds brought he's electric scooter so I walked to the boot with them to carry it in she was in the passenger seat and leant right through the middle to watch the whole time. After the first 3 weeks of every week he didnt see ds for 3 weeks as he says he has prior arrangements then he was due to go this Friday however ex partner rang late to say he was finishing late could he get him Saturday instead, no problem I said. So Friday evening ds has decided to be lippy I send him to bed and take away he's laptop for the weekend, I text he's dad to say just a heads up he's had an attitude tonight so he won't be bringing he's laptop tomorrow he's on a ban. Ex partner calls me up (drunk) and says let me speak to him to sort him out, I said it's not a problem now he's in bed he knows he has no laptop tomorrow, whilst saying this in the background is he's gf shouting "sort him out sort him out" and the rest I couldn't hear so I come off the phone swiftly. So today ds has come back from spending the night at he's dads and says he doesn't want to go again if she is there, supposedly they stayed at hers when they got back from a day out all together he was sent to bed and told not to leave the room under no circumstances and he couldn't call me to say goodnight, the whole time she never spoke to him again. They were drinking and he generally was scared because he'd never been there before. Now I don't see what her problem could be but it's a very tricky situation if I bring it up to ex partner I could come across as trying to cause trouble however ds just doesn't want to go again, he's never had a problem with any other of he's dads ex girlfriends so I really can't see it being him feeling a little jealous. Plus I'm not impressed with her shouting out down the phone but what can I say to ex partner?

[VioletBam]

Queene oh so he's "JUST" booked a holiday which DS won't be going on.?

He hasn't booked any such thing. He's just trying it on...as if you'd say
"Oh that's different then!"



What an arse. You don't WANT DS on days out with that woman OR his dad if this is how he reacts to hearing his DS is unhappy!

[Garbadgeman]

Will you cope financially if he does cut child support OP?

[happypoobum]

They all say they will give up work, very few actually do.

Call his bluff. If he fails to pay, don't contact him about it, just contact CSA.

[PersianCatLady]

Whatever the consequences may be if I were in your situation there is no way I would be sending my son to stay somewhere where he is treated like that.

Also if I were you I would start keeping a diary of any and all contact, conversations and texts that you have with them regarding your son.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Yes indeed. Definitely keep a note of events.

It's such a difficult balance, trying to facilitate a relationship with his father as its the best thing for DS, and yet, being able to shift to protect him from that same person when the balance flips from 'good for DS' to 'damaging DS'. So, so difficult.

I think you're doing a good job though.

[Queenie3]

Yeah we will cope it will be a struggle but we'll be fine, it's worth it to make sure ds is happy and safe. He's only been helping out the past year anyway because before he would work self employed and when they did catch up which would take forever he would just quit and start somewhere new. I think it's a great idea to write everything down I'm going to do from now on. To be honest I don't think we will hear from him now until this relationship dwindles out.

[Fortitudine]

Your poor son. I really wouldn't let him anywhere near her. There are so many red flags.
Do be prepared for him to side with her at the expense of any relationship with your son though. A friend's sons, although older than yours when it happened, would go to stay with ex and new partner. She would not give them any food or water, and was emotionally abusive. The ex backed her up when challenged, and the boys have no contact at all with their father even though they are now in their 20s. Some people have all the wrong priorities, sadly.