To think parents make excuses too quickly for their child

[Kungfupandaworksout16]

Out as a group at a play centre a few mums with their LOs. One mum in particular her LB is getting a bit over excited ( we shall call him Bob and he's 4) and being a bit rough towards the other kids. We shout the children over for food and drinks, as they are making their way over Bob sort of tackles another LB from behind. Bobs mum and the other LBs mum goes over to check and bobs mum replies " boys will be boys eh" whilst the other mum is looking gob smacked at her answer.
So we carry on eating, chatting etc and the kids go back to play. Once again Bob is being a bit rough, bobs mum is whinging that the other kids must be doing something to provoke him because he's normally so well behaved. It rolls around for us all to go thank god, as the majority of the other parents are just glaring at us, as it some point Bob has injured or been rough with their LOs. Well Bob decides he doesn't want too leave and his the biggest tantrum I have ever witnessed including screaming and trying to attack his mum, his mum is making more excuses " oh he's tired "
"he's upset the other kids get to stay"
"He didn't get much play time"
( He did, his play time consisted of acting like he was in a wrestling match or drowning other children in the ball pit whilst sat smiling at his mum, and her cooing how he's well behaved)

Now AIBU to think she should of just held her hands up and said yeah he's being a little bugger instead of reeling of a list of excuses and in a way condoning his behaviour? I've seen this happen a few times with other parents and it just seems making excuses seems easier than telling them no.

[BasinHaircut]

As the parent of a very boisterous little boy, I find these sorts of comments/views tend to come from the parents of placid, calm children. So they haven't got the first idea how to parent a 'spirited' (yes I hate that term too) child and should probably try not to judge so much because it is bloody hard!

[NickiFury]

"Parenting is done differently , but my point is these parents are the kind that believe their children do no harm and would be the first to complain if their child was hurt etc."

You only met her once. You don't know the first thing about her really apart from gossip.

Well said Sparkle.

[WhooooAmI24601]

I have one who isn't a hitter, one who is. I agree that parents who do nothing about their DCs behaviour are complete bell ends. But will add that toddlers (and even older children) aren't the finished picture; they're very much a work in progress. DS2 took against a little boy at his playgroup when he was 2 years old and every so often I'd catch him swiping him or grabbing toys. We reached the point where DS2 was old enough for consequences so every time he hit him, we'd scoop up our stuff and leave. It only took a few attempts before DS2 learned that he couldn't behave that way. But to the parents on the outside I'd hazard that I might have looked like one of those wet parents who try and reason with their DCs. And I'd have been mortified if they'd posted on MN about my naughty little DS2 because we worked so, so hard, it just took a while to calm him down.

[Kungfupandaworksout16]

I think some of you are missing the point here, it's the fact the mum made excuses and never said no. For roughly two hours we was there, and never once was he told no or be gentle or anything.

sparkle I don't know whether he is SEN or not , so for nearly two hours would you let your child run around for nearly two hours hurting other children and being rough without saying anything at all?


I understand some children are whirlwinds but to not even say a simple " be gentle " and instead laugh to the group " boys will be boys " kind of thing is bizarre too me

[BackforGood]

I totally agree with NickiFury, Sparkle, and especially BaisinHaircut.

First - I hate these generalisation threads.
Second, when you have one small dc, and that child is good at sleeping / eating / behaving / speaking / whatever - we all, naturally credit this to our own brilliant parenting skills.
As your dc get older, and maybe you have a 2nd and maybe a 3rd, you realise there's a whole lot of luck in the way your child "is". Yes, parenting contributes, but personality plays a BIG part.

YABU

[FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose]

YANBU. This would annoy me too. It's up there with parents who make empty threats. They'll be threatened to leave the soft play or park or wherever within a few minutes of arriving. In reality they've got no intention of leaving though, so why say "if you do that again/don't stop doing that/don't share that toy we're going home! I mean it!"

You can almost see the glee on their kids' faces as they do the naughty thing again, only to get the exact same warning again.

Never make empty threats! Grrr. So irritating.

[SparkleSoiree]

Op I wasn't suggesting Bob has SEN, I was stating that parenting a child with SEN is more challenging than parenting a child without SEN.

You've never met this woman before today, have no idea what's going on in her life yet because she didn't behave the way you felt she should have you think she's not a good parent based on a 2hr window.

Perhaps teaching your children how to deal with Bob situations should be the lesson here rather than trying to scapegoat the parent. After all there's always something to learn from both sides of the conflict when it comes to teaching children social skills. Personally, for me, I'm glad I'm past this stage of hearing parents saying "your child, blah, blah, blah" for the slightest social faux pax of other children.

I still believe YABU.

[gandalf456]

I am with Basinhaircut though I hate the expression boys will be boys.

Mine was a bugger at four and would make excuses because I was embarrassed. At this time, no form of discipline worked and I had to ride it out.

He was actually (and still is at seven) really good at home but, when out of his environment, he would act up - especially around other children.

I gave a girl too whom I could take anyway from three so it's not parenting. She instead misbehaved at home and still does to a point

I have been that parent and one thing I've learned is that fellow parents don't make the best friends and there's zero solidarity