To think life can be so cruel and unkind to some people for no reason?

[XrayDepartment]

I'm really struggling today.

Ive had my fair share of crap in life just like anyone else really. But sometimes, I do feel like life can and is more cruel to some than it is to others.

Of course, I am not wishing other people to go through difficulties but it all just seems so cruel. I know I am sounding really entitled and envious but I am only human and there is only so much I can cope with.

I'm just having a rant, really. So others feel the same sometimes?

[amandaxalice]

I can definitely relate, it sometimes feels like other people go through life so easily without any hurdles and there's me lagging behind. But then I try to remember you never really know what goes in people's life behind closed doors.

[IceBeing]

Life is fabulously unfair and anyone who thinks if you try hard enough you can achieve your dreams has their head stuck firmly up their backside.

It is horrible for people who try and can't make it no matter what they do when people who have indeed worked for their success but have no conception of the underlying privilege they enabled their work to be converted to success tell them that anything is possible.

[Chipsahoy]

It's tough isn't it? But I agree with pp, plenty of people are simply hiding it. My work colleagues often say how lucky I am, what a nice life i have because I have a nice home, car,children, husband and work just a few hrs every day. They don't know that I can't work anymore cos I have mental health issues stemming from a horrific childhood. Everyday living in this world is scary for me.

Life is hard for a lot of people, we just hide it well.

[Ivorbig1]

Sorry you are struggling.
Sometimes I think it's perfect ok to have a bloody good moan, life is a bit of shit at times.
Nothing to do with what you have or how lucky you should consider yourself otherwise those with a shit tonne of money would have no problems.

[AnythingGoesWithMe]

Don't forget that some people are very good at hiding their problems.
On the surface I appear to be one of those people who swan through life. I have a nice house, good job, a child, another on the way etc.
However unless you were a very very close friend then you don't know who died to fund my house, the mc's I had, the significant health problems that exist in my family etc.
What I'm trying to say is that it can be easier to accept that this is what is happening in your life. And deal with it accordingly. Don't try and compare it to other peoples lives as you just don't know.

[ssd]

I'm sorry op. Life can be so shit and unfair.

[OutwiththeOutCrowd]

Marie I agree that Gladwell has concentrated on quite a narrow definition of success - what you might call 'worldly' success. People have all sorts of ideas about what success in life entails, and rightly so.

But even if you think in terms of it meaning being fulfilled or doing something that is meaningful from your own perspective in a more general sense, as I do, I still feel that he has a good point in his recognition that society and circumstance contribute as much as individual qualities to the way a person's life pans out.

[Clandestino]

Sometimes the shit that happens isn't just something that makes you stronger. It can break you and there's nothing wrong with that and doesn't make you a bad or weak person.
I hate the motivational crap. It puts lots of pressure on people in need of help because it tells them they are weak and not fighting enough when they simply can't face another day of living.

[MarieMorgan]

Not a fan of Gladwell. His comment re 'who makes it and who doesn't' is just annoying. What is so great about getting to the top rung or 'making it'. Does that make people any happier? What about those who don't 'make it' (whatever he means by that). Are their lives worthless?

[InionEile]

I really enjoyed that book 'Outliers' too Outwith. It really changed my view on what it means to be successful and how engrained the illusion of meritocracy is in society. You really need superhuman strength to overcome some obstacles in life. I think a person who grew up in an unstable, poor family with no support who has managed to form their own stable family and keep a job and live a normal life deserves as much celebrating as someone from a privileged background who has achieved something outstanding in their career.

Glad you have had a better day today, X-ray.

[XrayDepartment]

That cartoon sums up beautifully how I feel. It's just shit for some and not so much for others.

Ive had a much better day today. I think when I am busy I dont have time to think about things! I try to take each day as it comes and not look too much into the future which is when i feel really down about things.

🌼 For everyone going through struggles.

[Haudyerwheesht]

We've had a really shit year and I am prone to mental health issues since having kids but I have sort of looked around me and noticed that other people who I think'have it easy' actually don't always but they just deal with it differently and I know that has its limits obviously but it's made me reassess how I look at things.

I have had an immediate family bereavement and it's been very hard but I found myself sinking into 'oh that happened and so did this and this and this' but I've learnt to separate them. They don't need grouped together iyswim?

I'm not sure I'm making any sense and I know I have it much easier so far in life than a lot of other people (and also much harder than other people) but I am kind of letting it not all build up. I'm trying to deal with one catastrophe on its own merit ?

[tothesideoftheirlives]

Yes, yes babies that's it. It is brilliant and I will now save the link

[OutwiththeOutCrowd]

What a thoughtful and sensitive cartoon - thanks for posting it. It's actually brought a tear to my eye!

[Babieseverywhere]

Tothesideoftheirlives
Is it this cartoon you were thinking of ?

[tothesideoftheirlives]

That book sounds good outwith.

I'm with you Inion I can handle the thought that life is random, but oh dear those people who think that their success is all of their own making and its all your own fault it you're not successful.

I'm sure there was another thread not so long ago that contained an awful lot of comments from people who insisted all their "good fortune" was down to their own hard work and everyone else's "bad fortune" was their own fault. But then someone did share a brilliant cartoon of one child's life who was born into poverty and one who was born into privilege which illustrated the ridiculous notion that our success is all of own own making - hope it made at least some of those smug people realise what rubbish they were spouting. Wish I could find the cartoon, it was brilliant

[notonyournelly72]

I've had my fair share of crap too. It hurts to see others also struggling [flower]

[AliceScarlett]

I agree. I try not to think "they are just one of those people who swan through life without any problems", but I do. I know exactly everyone suffers but I do think it is on a spectrum. I've lost most of my family and I've had mental health problems since I was a child and I'm now struggling with infertility. But I have a husband and a job and I live in a free society.... I just try to keep the spectrum in mind.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Good stuff there Outwith - that book sounds as though it contains some rare wisdom

[OutwiththeOutCrowd]

Inion I agree! Your words bring to mind the book Outliers: the Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. He tries to dispel the myth perpetuated by society that success is all down to intelligence, hard work, drive and careful planning - that it is in some way deserved on account of individual merit. He emphasizes instead the extent to which external factors which we have limited control over influence our life trajectories.

I think it's quite freeing to realise this.

Gladwell also suggests that society would change for the better if it stopped worshipping success and was more encouraging towards those who have experienced failure.

Because we so profoundly personalize success, we miss opportunities to lift others onto the top rung. We make rules that frustrate achievement. We prematurely write off people as failures. We are too much in awe of those who succeed and far too dismissive of those who fail. And, most of all, we become much too passive. We overlook just how large a role we all play — and by “we” I mean society — in determining who makes it and who doesn’t.

Xray I hope today is a better day!

[InionEile]

Generally I can handle life's unfairness. What I can't handle is someone who has been lucky in life lecturing others on how to be successful or implying that anyone unlucky brings bad fortune on themselves with a 'negative attitude'.

People who have been successful do like to believe it is down to their own brilliance. There is not enough credit given to sheer dumb luck. Obviously there is some truth to the saying that 'the harder you work, the luckier you get' but sometimes people are just unlucky - in love, in career, in money - and the sooner we all accept how random that is, the better. Those of us who have been or are unlucky can stop feeling worthless and guilty while those who have been lucky can stop being smug!

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

chip
There are so many women walking around with all manner of abuse, dv, lost children, dead husbands, husbands who've been unfaithful, sadness, infertility, careers gone AWOL, money problems, redundancy, ill health etc. Men too. I don't think anyone gets out unscathed. You only ever see their public face.
If you met me I look like someone whose life is touched by good fortune. It is
I'm in my 40s and the truth is I have a lovely home, husband and dc. But we have weathered many of those things. And if we haven't, we have fabulous friends who have.
Don't envy what you see. It's never the whole picture.

[expatinscotland]

YANBU.

There's no such thing as karma. The universe just is what it is.

[KittensandKnitting]

for you x-Ray

Talking even on here, under a different name may help you to just let it all out and get some support, obviously don't know what it is you are going through but having been through hell and pretty much still in it for the moment talking about it has helped me tremendously, doesn't make the pain I'm going through any less but it does help me feel less discombulated and more able to cope.

I try to spend some time each day thinking about what I am grateful for and what is happy in my life as I think no matter how cruel the world seems at time there is always something even if it's really small to be grateful for and sometimes that can help a little bit.

[GinBunny]

Sorry to hear you are struggling OP. It does feel sometimes that life it shit for a lot of us.
My situation is shitty because it's not by my own design. There are a couple of reasons, mental health being one of them which I have no control over but the other reason keeps me awake at night because it is because of someone who was once close to me who has fucked my life right over. Meanwhile the bitch and the people close to the situation that were complicit are living the life of riley and very happy, I'm the one that is painted as the bad guy and the one who has lost everything and I did nothing wrong! I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It sucks.
Sorry for the rant.
Anyway, you're not alone in feeling how you do and I hope you can find some positives out of where you are, like I try to