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AIBU?

To think there's not much to be gained by having a birth debrief?

46 replies

MadAboutFourteen · 08/07/2016 19:40

DD is 4 months old. Had a difficult birth and stay in hospital afterwards and developed PND. Been offered a birth debrief but wondering if it will just open up old wounds. Did anyone with PND do one and find it useful?

OP posts:

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iMatter · 08/07/2016 21:00

I had one. Hideous birth, failed induction, emergency section etc.

The post birth briefing made a huge difference to my mental health.

I had felt so low, pnd etc but this was brilliant for me.

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AliceInHinterland · 08/07/2016 21:03

It put a few more pieces in the puzzle for me but could not answer all of my questions because I don't think anyone knows the answers - it was medically complicated. If I did it again I would ask to take away a copy of the notes.
It didn't heal me but it may have been a small step in the process.
Four months is a very tough time - you are worn out, the baby is sleeping terribly, and they are still not very rewarding. It does get better I promise. Are you managing to eat well/sleep/shower/walk every day? Easier said than done I know.

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Dementedswan · 08/07/2016 21:08

I had a debrief about my second birth the day after. He was induced and was born within two hours of contractions starting. It was a very painful quick birth and I was in shock. My first birth was quick too. Less than 5 hours of contractions and a three minute second stage.

I was advised if I had any more I would need to be in hospital before labour started.

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EllieHandMeDownBaby · 08/07/2016 21:14

Sorry to hear you're struggling, OP.

I took advantage of the Birth Afterthoughts service when I was approaching the end of my second pregnancy. I found it really helped to go through all the details of my first labour - and the subsequent weeks - as I actually didn't remember a lot of what happened.
FYI: my session was at home and consisted of few hours with a midwife going through all my notes. Prepare for it to get very personal!

FWIW, you might want to talk to your Dr about medication for your PND (if you haven't already). I had pre-ND and meds really helped.

Hope you feel better.

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Cakescakescakes · 08/07/2016 21:20

I didn't feel I needed one until i became pregnant again then it brought everything back from a terribly traumatic first birth. I found it incredibly helpful just to understand what had happened earlier and how I could try to avoid it happening again.

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MadAboutFourteen · 08/07/2016 21:37

Hi all. To answers questions from various pps, I'm not having any other children (too hard), I'm on anti-depressants and getting some subpar CBT. I'm not sleeping or eating well at the minute. Getting out and about but it's hard and I don't want to burden friends.

OP posts:

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thumb3lina · 08/07/2016 22:11

I found it really helpful. I don't have PND but I do have PTSD. I also did a birth reclaiming ceremony which really helped.

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KayTee87 · 08/07/2016 22:12

Op if you were my friend I would be upset that you would consider yourself a burden. I would always want the opportunity to offer a friend support if that's what they needed and wanted

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MiscellaneousAssortment · 08/07/2016 22:26

People generally seem to find debriefed helpful, but I'm not clear exactly why?

Are they useful because it helps people realise that what they thought was bad wasn't actually bad after all?

I worry that it sounds like a good opportunity to white wash events? And that's something that would deepen my trauma rather than resolve it, and was my reason for not having one.

Perhaps it works better when the main concern/ trauma is in active labour itself? I had an awful time in hospital but it wasn't the emcs itself, it was straight after...

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EveOnline2016 · 08/07/2016 22:31

I would go for the debriefing.

If you ever decide on another child I may me your not fretting the whole pregnancy. Plus in the mean time may settle your mind.

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JustHappy3 · 08/07/2016 22:50

Found it tremendously helpful - only started to be able to "get over it" when i had mine 15 months after the birth. It won't open the wounds it will help close them.

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SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 08/07/2016 22:59

I had one and it was useful in that the MW who did it was able to make recommendations for any future pregnancies. Like, I probably wouldn't be allowed to go so far overdue and that I would likely be under a consultant. Obviously, this is only useful if you are likely to have more DCs.

Also, she was able to go through the birth and everything that happened. A lot of it had been a total blur so it was good to make sense of what happened. I would recommend it actually.

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Minisoksmakehardwork · 08/07/2016 23:00

I had a debrief after the birth of my twins - 1 vaginal, 1 crash section. I felt so confused about what had happened and has so many missing memories - I was convinced I hadn't seen the twins for over 24 hours as I was so doped up, dh had to show me the photos to prove I was wrong, I wanted to know why all of a sudden it went to panic stations. I wanted to see the room when dt1 was born.

I found it extremely helpful to just have those missing pieces of the puzzle to put in place.

As it happens, I was wrongly told to go to day assessment when I rang to say I thought my waters were going, then they didn't really understand when I said I laboured fast. Dh damn near missed dt1's birth as he had gone to fetch my bag.

I can see the funny side of things - being whizzed through a packed waiting room, panting and trying not to push dt1 out on all 4's on a bed, the consultant with her arm up my chuff trying to turn dt2, and I was really well looked after afterwards.

But the apology and seeing where things had happened did help me a huge amount to come to terms with the things that didn't go quite as expected.

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Cakescakescakes · 08/07/2016 23:00

Miscellaneous I found it useful as it validated how I had felt. I (with no exaggeration) thought I was going to die during labour. I had a massive reaction to the syntocin which took ages to get under control and there was no pain relief available other than gas and air. I had a very severe tear and needed surgery afterwards to repair it all. To hear someone say it had gone 'wrong' and it wasn't all in my head was so helpful. I had kind of convinced myself that I was just a bit of a wuss and I just needed to get over it but hearing someone else acknowledge that it was traumatic and difficult was incredibly helpful to me. It gave me a huge amount of closure and I went on to have a really straightforward 2nd birth.

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Cakescakescakes · 08/07/2016 23:02

I also couldn't remember massive chunks of what went on and needed to have those gaps filled in as it was so out of control at the time. It meant I was prepared for my second labour, eg I could be firm that I couldn't have syntocin again etc.

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LifeIsGoodish · 08/07/2016 23:30

Miscellaneous no, quite the opposite. Even if your notes say "Normal labour, SVD", what you may remember are many hours of fear, pain, confusion. Yet the baby's well, so what's the fuss? And you try to brush the mental and physical aftermath under the carpet.

A debrief acknowledges that your distress is real to you, addresses the causes of your distress and empowers you to make changes in any future labours. Even more so if things did, in fact, go wrong. IME it was not at all a whitewash.

Also, one of the most traumatic aspects of my distressing labour was the repair work afterwards - sewing my tear. (I actually had such a severe flashback about it eight years later that I briefly passed out.) The debriefing addressed that, too. The result being that I was able to request - and receive - completely different treatment for subsequent tears.

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Ineedmorepatience · 08/07/2016 23:36

My eldest child is 27 after an awful experience I would have loved to have had the whole thing explained properly to me!

Maybe I should do that some day.

I would go for it OP 💐

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Ihatechoosingnames · 08/07/2016 23:42

I had a traumatic EMCS with my son, he's now 2.8. Have bad anxiety and PND for which I am on medication. I still can't talk about his birth, I don't want to so a debrief sounds horrific to me.
What helped me was I had another child and had an ELCS. Was wonderful and so unbelievably healing for me. It was controlled, calm and beautiful which is what I had wanted for my first birth that went fucking tits up. I always envisioned a calm and controlled vaginal birth but was so traumatised I couldn't go through labour again so I didn't get my vaginal birth but I got the experience surrounding the birth I originally wanted.
I will never get over the first traumatic birth. But I can't see what could be gained from a debrief for me. So YANBU OP

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Liskee · 08/07/2016 23:46

I had a 3 session post birth review with a trained midwife and counsellor at 34-37 weeks pregnant with DS2 recently (he's now days old!). It helped with the anxiety and regret I was carrying from labour of DS1 so much that I now view my recent labour as a wholly positive experience. Totally different in actuality from labour 1, I felt more in control and more capable and have even recovered better in the days since. Would very much recommend it if you're considering having more children, and actually even if you're not.

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mirime · 08/07/2016 23:59

I'm thinking of doing this. DS is three now, I still can't think about labour/birth without getting anxious and don't want to try for a second child as I've been told I wouldn't be allowed to choose a section over another induction if it were necessary.

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Peasandsweetcorn · 09/07/2016 00:00

I had a traumatic delivery with DD but was fine afterwards. However, second pregnancy coincided with DD's 2yr check and the lovely HV made some comment about looking out for signs of brain damage given she wasn't breathing when born. I then pieced thus together with various comments which had been made post labour & decided I wanted to know more about what had happened.
It all took a while to organise as they are underfunded & overstretched, my notes went missing etc but I eventually had the de-brief over the phone on DS' due date.
I found it incredibly helpful. Whilst to me, everything had gone horribly wrong, to the hospital staff it was fairly routine & something they are used to dealing with, some of it not on a daily basis but most (if not all of it) on a weekly basis. It made me realise what had gone wrong, when & how that could be avoided in DS' delivery. I found out how long DD had been on the resus table, what they were doing whilst over there &who all of the grey haired people who had come rushing into theatre were.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling OP. I was fortunate enough not to suffer from PND so can't comment on whether it would help with that. I hope you're in a better place soon.