AIBU with DH

[ceme]

Ok, so I get home from work at 530 after collecting our youngest DC from Afterschool club. DH is eating dinner he prepared for himself. I wash up, take the rubbish out and do a quick general tidy up. I then leave with youngest DC for swimming at 610 and come home at 730, I make sausages for myself and a snack for the youngest, and have just sat down at 830 and my DH asks what am I cooking for dinner for my children?

I want to cry, the eldest DC is 17 and not back from going out with his friends and the other is 15 and been home with DH since 430. Am I in the wrong?

[Amaia10]

Maybe the fact that your elder two will become pretty much independent soon could be a time for a shift in the status quo? It's easy to get sucked into doing everything for the DH when you're doing it anyway for the kids and you're too busy to really recognise it.

Fwiw I do all the cooking and nearly all housework in this house (DH and 3 kids), but DH works insanely long hours and travels a lot and I'm a SAHM. I would certainly not be doing all of this if I was working too.

[ceme]

This is his usual behaviour. I say he won't change as I have never challenged him, and just put up with it.

But am getting tired of it now, he has worn me down and I have allowed him to do this to me.

[ohtheholidays]

Your wrong OP it's not he can't change it's he doesn't chose to change so you need to chose to change!
Change what your willing to put up with,don't let your children go on thinking that the way your husband behaves towards you all is normal because it's not!

I was married to a man like that,I kicked his sorry arse out!Best thing I ever did for my DC and for myself.I re married and my DH is about as far removed from my ex husband as possible.

[Amaia10]

Ceme - don't blame yourself. You won't be the only one who has experienced this kind of situation. Is this a fairly isolated one off? What does he actually do for you or the family? Do you always work longer hours than him, or was that just today?

[ceme]

Just fed up with it all really. He can't change now. My fault as I have allowed this behaviour.

[clam]

You got up and did as he said??????!!!

Sorry, OP, but people will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Some of this is of your own making. You should have sorted him out years ago.

[Topseyt]

A 15 year old and a 17 year old should be able to sort out something for themselves, butt that still leaves the question about what kind of a parent twat would just cook for themselves when there is clearly a family to feed??

[PragmaticWench]

He's talking bullshit now and is being disingenuous. He's well aware that he was implying it was your job, otherwise he wouldn't have asked and would have just got on with what needed doing.

Like any decent, adult, non-lazy-fucktard parent would do. Honestly, you need to show him how lazy he is being!

[Sara107]

Can't understand anyone cooking for themselves and not making enough for others to heat up as they come in. I wouldn't expect to not cook for 17 year old either, they can heat up their dinner if they're late. Surely it is really hard to organise shopping and food housekeeping if everyone in the family is randomly cooking their own stuff whenever? Your H is very selfish to do this. And could he not do some of the ferrying around if he's already home? And why are you paying for afterschool club if H is at home? Lazy and selfish?

[ceme]

I made some pasta. I did not say anything to him. After I made it he then said he was only asking not telling me to make dinner for the children.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

The thing that would piss me off the most would be the question to you "what am I cooking for dinner for my children?". I mean, that's either actively spoiling for a fight or wanting to put you in your place. Either way not good.

What was your reaction?

[KatharinaRosalie]

15 and 17 are perfectly capable of organising their own dinner.

your DH is a lazy twat.

[Lightbulbon]

You sound like you've been shat upon for 17 years and are just now beginning to see the light.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

Why do you tolerate it?

Why does he not cook a family meal you can all have as & when?

Just NO

[EverythingWillBeFine]

Well if someone is reprint anything in this house, they will ask if someone else want some.
It can be dinner, a cup of tea etc...
That's common politeness I thought??

Does he think that HW is 'woman's work' and he can just stay put whilst yoou do all the running around?

[ceme]

I don't stand up for myself, that's why he said this.

We both work but he does nothing in the house. This is not unusual.

[April229]

And while he was at it why didn't he cook for you too?

[MunchCrunch01]

i can't think of a time either myself or DH would just make enough for one person when you've got a big family - it's just a daft waste of time, it've been eaten at some point.

[ohtheholidays]

What a wanker,he wouldn't be watching anything on the sodding TV if he'd done that to one of my DC.

If he knew you were going to be so busy why the fuck didn't he cook for the whole of the family and put yours and your other DC's dinners up for later on when you got in?

Surely that's what a normal family does?That's what we do in our house and there's 7 of us.

[clam]

Look, of course you're not being unreasonable. You know that. But these situations rarely happen in isolation. Is this "business as usual" in your house, in that you run round doing chores and he sits around doing his own stuff? If so, you have a big job on your hands in getting things to change.

[greathat]

Tell him to get himself in the kitchen and get the meals cooked or you are spending the night in a hotel! What a fucking prick

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Is he incapable of cooking for more than one person?