Date nights

[Lucaslovesfelicity]

Just a quick question out of curiosity really. What is the general consensus of a couple going out on date nights, once they have children. It's something me and my husband very rarely do but my DM informed me today, that going out alone without the kids is something you shouldn't be doing, once you become a parent. I feel a little guilty now for even considering it. We never ask either sets of grandparents to babysit in an evening, as we feel that it is something that they really wouldn't want to do. So on the occasion we have been out, which has been once this year to an evening wedding reception, we have paid for a babysitter. So, AIBU to want a night off as a couple once in a while? TIA x

[RudeElf]

Nah its a date. A couple on a date.

[EastMidsMummy]

YABU calling it date night.

Not if they go on a date

Nope. They're married. It's not a 'date'. It's a night out.

[Somerville]

You're of course not being unreasonable.

Its a shame your parents won't help out with a bit of babysitting.

When my DH and I couldn't have nights out together because of babysitting issues or health problems, we'd try and make some nights in special.
For us that meant eating later, after putting the kids to bed; him cooking, since I did it normally; playing a board game or chatting and NO TV; bath or shower together and lots of sex.

[April229]

Ha! My mother in law sites a LACK of date nights as the reason SIL got divorced - said they sound have made more time for each other and now the poor kids are from a 'broken home'. You can't win :)

But definitely grab the chances you have to go out :)

[MrsFarm]

Yeah crunchymum I got that after a while, people saying MIL got me confused as I hadn't seen her mentioned.

[foursillybeans]

Start by having a 'date' night with a take away and the film Date Night. Very funny and silly.

Ps. Don't listen to your DM or let her attitudes towards relationships affect yours. Just do what you know your and your OH need in terms of time, attention and getting out the house. There is no set agenda for any couple.

[Cakescakescakes]

Across weird

[Cakescakescakes]

Sorry, did my post come cross weird? I meant as more of a comment of solidarity from one SN mum to another.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

I think it's actually really important to go out as a couple, and to make time for each other away from the children. Yes, spending time altogether as a family is important, but it's just as important to have time off from being "mum and dad" occasionally.

I remember my parents going out on "dates" every 4-6 weeks when I was younger. I loved it because it meant my favourite babysitter came to look after me and I got to stay up late and eat chocolate biscuits!

[Glovebug]

Your DM is being very unreasonable. DH and I really start to feel the strain if we don't get some time to ourselves every so often

[Lucaslovesfelicity]

Cakes- my Ds has autism& ADD and my daughter has ADHD. We also have a one year old too. I do know my DM is really being unreasonable but just needed to vent, as I really do hate to be made to feel guilty.

[FuzzyOwl]

My DM and MIL would love for DH and me to go out so they could look after DC. We are happy with our little family unit and staying in these days though.

[RudeElf]

YABU calling it date night.

Not if they go on a date

[Egosumgism]

We do weekly almost without fail.


Children are only commitment. As much as I love them to pieces, I didn't suddenly want to be nothing but. A parent the day they were born.

[timelytess]

Weekly, if you can bear to be away from the children and if you can tolerate the company of your DH.

[Cakescakescakes]

It is essential to have time together away from the children ESPECIALLY if you have child/ren with SN. One of my DC has autism and it consumes our lives a lot of the time so I really need the odd time out with my husband that isn't focussed on that.

[EastMidsMummy]

YABU calling it date night.

[Julia2016]

Ps YANBU

[Julia2016]

Personally I think date nights are important. We always feel closer after them, we catch up, have a laugh. You don't have to go on a mad night out, being at home together alone is lovely too.

We are lucky that my parents love taking dd.

[mumeeee]

Yanbu. Your DM is being silly. It's important to go out on date nights without your children.

[RudeElf]

Both sets of my grandparents had 9 children and still got out as a couple. I have seen the photos as proof of my grannies all glammed up looking stunning in their 50's dresses.

[Crunchymum]

Mrsfarm the OP's mother said couples shouldn't go out alone after having kids.

[MollyTwo]

Do you really, really think your mother is being reasonable. Come on now, you must know it's ok to have these downtimes just you and DH?

[Mysterycat23]

Yanbu. That's terrible advice. The heart of the family is your and DH's relationship. Therefore date night (or equivalent) is a vital investment in the whole family's well-being.

[Whiteplate1]

Some of these AIBUs make me wonder