DS split up from friend in classes from next year

[sadnortherner]

Hi

DS's school have just published the classes for next year. He's a year 3 going into year 4

The school have a new policy starting this year where they split the classes up every two years to encourage the children to make new friends. The current class have been together since year 1 as have other classes.

DS and his best friend have been inseperable since reception class together, they do projects together and do all their work together, play together, eat together and so on. They're not naughty and don't cause any issues (other than being told to stop chattering sometimes which they comply with)

The schoool have decided to split them up for next year and they are both absolutely distraught about it with floods of tears today. He doesn't make close friends easily and he doesn't like football and all the boys in his new planned class are football mad.

I understand that the school are worried about setting a precedent if they agree to every request but I've got a meeting tomorrow with them to see if we can get them to reconsider.

There's several other children in the class with really close friendships who are also really upset about it - not really sure this is a great policy at this age.

AIBU to try and get them to not split them up?

[NotYoda]

That sounds reassuring

[Lymmmummy]

At the risk of being called s hypocrite I do think YABU - the school appears to have a policy all children are being mixed up and there maybe benefits of new additional friendships

I mention bit about being a hypocrite because I started a similar thread but differences were the school has stated criteria like prioritising pupil voice and friendship groups and I did not feel had been fairly applied - as a large clique of boys had been placed in same class - similarly majority of other friends had not been mixed up - whilst my DS has been left with no friends - it was also because in our school they only do a "mix" once for yr1 and I felt like my son had been shafted a bit and it left me with no confidence in the schools ability to act fairly or indeed in accordance with their own policy criteria -

But I do think where mixing is done in a fair way I do actually think it's beneficial for children

[Mov1ngOn]

All my daughters girlfriends are going in one class and her in another as they move to junior school. I think it's really unfair and really feel for her. She was upset and said even if it wasn't her best friends, just someone she knew....

I so wish she was in a one form village primary instead of 3form infant.

[sadnortherner]

Just to update on this - I met with the form tutor and the other boy's parent on Friday morning before school

She said that she's never seen such a bond between two children before and it's almost as though they are twins or an old married couple finishing each other sentences, always looking out for each other and whilst she thinks their friendship is beautiful and they do mix with other children in the class perfectly well, both the head and her feel they will benefit from a change in order to expand their friendship groups.

They spend the last two weeks of this term in their new classes in July so she has invited myself and the other parent to come in at the end of the first week and they'll evaluate how they've settled in their different classes during this week and assess it from there.

I think that's fair enough and it's good they were happy to discuss it with us. Both the boys were okay (ish) with that so we'll see how it goes.

[CodyKing]

All of them ended up in 1 Class and me in the other in year 3. I lost loads of confidence, ended up really unhappy and bullied

This! Why do they do this to one kid? ? WHY?

[Noodledoodledoo]

Admittedly as secondary teacher my biggest concern from your OP would be the fact that they do everything together.

This isn't healthy or good for the students individual development. I have a couple of students who work really well together but I make sure they are separated regularly to ensure both are improving and its not just one understanding the work and the other being pulled along.

This might giv eyou an insight into the why to help with a conversation with the school.

[Foreverlexicon]

This happened to me 20 years ago and I still remember it.

I was very happy and had loads of friends in year 2. All of them ended up in 1 Class and me in the other in year 3. I lost loads of confidence, ended up really unhappy and bullied.

[NotYoda]

OP

It may set him back at first but children need to develop resilience

[NotYoda]

Classes develop group dynamics and group identities which are sometimes not positive.

Also I think year 3/4 is just the right time to encourage individual children to make new relationships

[NotYoda]

i wish our school did this

They will still see each other during the most important part of the day - lunch and break times

[CodyKing]

They will still have playtimes and lunchtimes together even

Not of it's wet play for days on end.

[EmmaWoodlouse]

Blackbird I might feel differently if one or both of these DC was autistic!

[WombatStewForTea]

They will still have playtimes and lunchtimes together even if they aren't in the same class so being left out because the other boys are football mad.
My class has some really football mad kids. Even when they're chatting in class they find other things to talk about and football is barely mentioned so I'd try not to worry.

[Arkwright]

Our school is 2 form entry and they don't mix the classes up they stay the same from Reception to Year 6. I would have a word with the teacher.

[EmmaWoodlouse]

In the circumstances I think it would be an actively good idea to separate them. They can still be together at playtimes and lunchtimes and I don't see liking or not liking football as much of a problem in the classroom, but it sounds as if they would both benefit from getting a chance to work with other children and see that it's not the end of the world if they can't be together all the time. Even if they were in the same class, by Year 4 most good teachers would be trying to mix it up a bit by not having children always working with the same partners.

[BlackbirdSingsInTheDeadOfNight]

YANBU. It happened to both of my boys at their previous school - one was totally cool with it and for the other it was a total disaster. DS2 is laid back and has lots of good friends rather than one specific best friend, so he was absolutely fine when his class was split. DS1, however, is autistic and really struggles to make friends. He had worked incredibly hard to have two best friends and six other friends in his class - and they were ALL, yes all eight of them - put into the other class for the next two years. We just happened to already have a special needs meeting arranged with the headteacher, so we raised it - but got absolutely nowhere. It had a terrible effect on DS, who went completely into his shell. This was one of many reasons why we eventually left the school. Hopefully, if you don't manage to change the school's mind, your DS will manage better than you're expecting. Different children do cope in different ways so hopefully it'll all work out for him and his friend.

[sadnortherner]

Thank you everyone :)

[Sunnymeg]

This happened to DS when he was 8 and he was distraught to think that he would be apart from his best friend. What happened was that they still played together at break and lunch and still met up after school. In reality very little changed, other than not sitting together in class. They are both 14 now and still really good friends, even though they ended up going to different secondary schools. DS doesn't bother with any one else from his primary, but I think having the time apart when they were younger helped make the friendship stronger.

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

It's not generally about widening friendships.

One class may have more SEN whilst the other has more girls/Autumn birthdays/EAL/high attainers, etc...

Decisions are always made with the children's learning at the forefront- yes relationships are part of that but they're not the main driver.

[TestCardF]

This happened to my ds going from P5 into a composite class of P6/7. There were 7 P6s and 13 P7s. He had the same reaction to your ds when he found out what class he was in. He wasn't particularly friendly with any of the people going into his class. One of them even said "Oh, not you!" to my ds when he found out my ds was in his class! By the end of the year all the P6s were all a really close group of friends and it improved his confidence so much by having to make new friends from scratch. He's now in secondary school but still says it was his favourite year of primary. Try going with what the school have said and see how he gets on.

[TTwidow]

My children have been mixed up every year bar one. They are now in years 5 and 6. I think it's been great for their confidence and social skills. It might be hard at the time/start of the school year, but it's a good lesson in learning to make new friends.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Simply, yes you are being unreasonable.
It is a pity the school didn't start this policy after Reception.

[Ilovewillow]

I know she was younger but my daughter and her two best friends were all split up in yr 2 so one in each class. We were all concerned but they all made a wider circle of friends and coped really well. They all played together loads at break and saw each other at weekends too. Still really good friends but I think they all really benefitted. At our infants and juniors they all move groups every yr and swap seats in class every week. It's a real musical chairs!

I hope the meeting goes well but in case it doesn't I wanted to offer you some hope!

[LyndaNotLinda]

I agree with everyone else. I'm sure there are other friends he knows in his class and it will help him in the long run.

I actually think intense 1-2-1 friendships in primary are a really bad idea. Children need to learn how to deal with a wide range of other kids, they need to go outside their comfort zone. The friendships also have the potential to blow up really badly in the transition between KS1 and 2 when children change an awful lot

[NarkyKnockers]

I think yabu. If your ds and this boy are really as inseparable as you say separating them will do then both good in terms odmf widening their social circle and learning to communicate with new people/different personalities etc