To think it's perhaps a conflict of interest for children to attend schools where parents are teachers

[purplemoonlight]

Please don't anyone take this as a personal slight.

I am aware there may be a lack of suitable schools, especially in rural areas, and some independent schools offer a discount on fees.

However, I can't help but think on the whole it's not in the best interest of the child.

My mum was a teacher at my secondary school. I transferred there in year 9 after the bullying at the initial secondary I attended didn't show any signs of abating. In hindsight, it was the worst thing we could have done. The relationship between us was intense and stifled, she knew too much about me and I knew too much about her!

It was the 'usual' things - awkwardness about boyfriends, awkwardness about any misbehaviour of mine being reported back to her (very mild things but still) personal questions, difficulty with friends and home visits/sleepovers - but also, and harder to articulate, I feel as if in some ways it squashed me down and made it harder to properly 'grow up.' That could just have been my mum though.

However, with the intenseness about safeguarding, it does put teachers and pupils in a yet still more awkward position.

AIBU to think it's not quite appropriate?

[LittleGreyCatwithapinkcollar]

I went to the secondary where my mum taught (and had been for 20 years before I went there). All my God parents taught there. It was my catchment school and therecwas no option. Both local school at capacity. But I found no issue at all. She taught a subject I didn't choose. My mum taught many of my friends but me and my friends were all such goodie two shoes kids that it was fine. I think my sister had a harder time, but more because people expected her to be like me rather than because of my mum.

[TheSnowFairy]

OP, sounds like you have deeper issues than your thread title suggests.

I have 3 DC's, the two elder attend the senior school I work at (not teaching). There are more benefits than not - I can bring forgotten items and put in lockers, take heavy stuff home while they walk with their mates etc.

[purplemoonlight]

There are benefits, but the benefits are practical. The drawbacks are emotional.

It's a bit unfair to tell me I have 'deep(er) issues' - my thread isn't about me, but a general point.

[Pimmmms]

I think if the parent is a good 'issues free' teacher, and the child is a middle of the road, does well but neither a superstar or needing lots of extra assistance it would be fine.

Problems happen when either or both of these criteria are unmet. In particular, if the parent has issues they will generally be 'hidden' - eg your mother's alcoholism. And because of that a potential support for the child is just not there. If the child is particularly talented usual playground jealousies can be exacerbated by cries if nepotism. If the child needs lots of extra help it can be hard for teachers to give an equal portion of attention to a child of a colleague.

My mother was a teacher at an extra curricular language school i attended. The year she was MY teacher i rode my bike to and from the school because the car trips were absolute hell as she used to work herself up in a frenzy about my 'bad' behaviour. If she had been my teacher at normal school i shudder to think what it would have been like....

[Bue]

This is absolutely the norm in the independent sector (due to enormous reduction in fees!) I've never heard of any particular issues at DH's school but because there are so many families in this situation I think that makes it easier for everyone. I wonder if it would be different at a school where only one or two children were in this situation.

[manicinsomniac]

Yes, Bue I was just coming back to say that number of children makes a difference. There's at least 12 staff at our school who have 1+ children at the school - including the headmaster's 2 children!

[Notbigandnotclever]

I think it depends a lot on the school and the kids as well as the staff. One of my DD's friends is a teachers child. Her class has never been taught by the child's mum and I've never seen her given preferential treatment in plays, on trips etc. DD has been to her house and the kids know there are "home rules" and "school rules" At her house they can call her by her name and they interact with her as they would any other friends mum. As parents we've also chatted to her with no issues. She just draws a line, talk school at school and not school at home.

[Noodledoodledoo]

I grew up in a pretty rural area, one primary option, one secondary option. Mum a Primary Teacher, Dad a secondary teacher.

I personally didn't find it an issue, my sister hated secondary and blames my dad for it completely. We were in no way unique in either school and it was seen as pretty normal occurrence due to the location.

My dad used to challenge teachers if they came to 'tell tales' on us with a response of - would you call me if I wasn't here?

My sister has more issues as my Dad is a bit of an eccentric and she was (and still is) really hung up on how people think about her image and so found him really embarrassing - I didn't care less.

I had him for A level and all my work had to be moderated by the external examiner to avoid nepotism.

We had loads of family friends who were teaching staff, I spent many a New Year with one group. I never found it an issue switching from name to Mr/Mrs XXX depending on situation.

I am now a teacher and at my school there are a number of staff children and I employ the same kind of rules, I only speak to staff about child if I would phone them up and I make this clear to them when I start teaching them.

[Dozer]

In your case OP your DM was clearly not an adequate parent, so there are some much bigger issues there that sound really difficult, and can well imagine that with a toxic parent them working at your school would be a total nightmare.

Ditto the poster whose DM treated her son, the poster's brother, very inappropriately.

[corythatwas]

My mother taught at my Sixth Form; it was fine. Basically, because there were no other issues: she was not an embarrassment to me, she was a competent and professional teacher who did not treat me differently to the other students, I trusted her to keep her two roles apart, I had no particular issues either, none of my friends cared that she was my mum.

When I was at uni, I once ended up being taught by my younger brother. Now that was weird... (though I have to say, he was also very professional).

[OlennasWimple]

I agree, though also accept (as it probably was for me, though I don't really know what the alternatives where) that it's the only or best situation

[corythatwas]

But purplemoonlight, if not everybody does experience emotional drawbacks, then it is a personal rather than a general experience.

I don't feel any emotions when I think about being taught by my mother, apart from a mild feeling of pride because she really was a very, very good teacher (am still using some of her material 35 years later).

[exexpat]

purple - you started the thread to make a 'general point' but then mentioned your mother's alcoholism and emotional abuse. to you as you obviously had a difficult childhood, but surely you can see that your circumstances mean you can't really draw any general conclusions about what is and is not appropriate for other people? Most parents/teachers are not abusive alcoholics, and so that makes the experience of their children very different, both at home and at school.

In your case it certainly sounds like life would have been better for you if you had gone to a different school, where you might have found it easier to confide in an adult and receive appropriate support. In my case, life was much easier going to the school where my mother taught, rather than to the local sink estate comprehensive (no sixth form, hardly taught anything at O-level standard, mostly just CSEs) which would have been a nightmare for a bookish, academic child like me.

[TheSnowFairy]

I couldn't tell anyone about my mothers alcoholism and emotional abuse because she was a teacher in my school.

OP, do you not think these are deeper issues?

The vast majority of kids will not have a parent like this.

[yorkshapudding]

Any safeguarding issues would be handled by another professional in the usual way

This is not necessarily the case in my experience. I work with kids and I know of at least three schools in my city who have failed to report serious safeguarding concerns relating to children whose parents worked in the school.

[lalalalyra]

It's not just the children of teacher's who feel that. My Nana worked for 6 months as a dinner lady in my school (I lived with her and my Grandad). Suddenly I no longer won any writing prizes (it was one of the few things I was very good at at school), I didn't get any part in the school play (only me, the HT's niece and a lad who had form for biting other kids didn't get a part in our whole class!), and it was suddenly decided that there needed to be a 'rotation' of infant monitors despite the fact me and the other kid who did our wee job had been the only volunteers and had given up every lunch and break time to play games with the little kids for 3/4 of the school year. The HT was so desperate to show that there was no favouritism toward any child who was related to a staff member - I think there was 4 or 5 of us; me, her niece, the janitor's son and a couple of teacher's kids - that actually we lost out. The janitor's son was suspended for 2 days for something any other kid would have got a loud bollocking for.

Also a lot of it is down to the perception of the other kids. We have a rule at playscheme that no parent volunteer ever deals with their own child. The kids believe this is because parents would be lax on their own child, but I actually instigated it because parents are harsher than their own kid and that's not fair. I've also once asked a volunteer helper to seriously consider her position when I heard a child was given a sanction at home for something that happened during the day - totally unfair considering it wasn't a parent-notifiable offence (and therefore the other kid involved didn't have their parent told!).

[Nowhere]

I've had a really bad experience of my child being in a class with the class teacher's child.
My child had terrible problems with this particular child and I didn't feel I could go and complain about the pupil to their Mum (the class teacher). IMHO it's a huge conflict of interest and can cause many problems. I consider it to be really poor practice, particularly when it could be avoided (in our case it was 2 form entry so this situation need't have arisen).

[purplemoonlight]

Snow, but that was when I deviated to talk to another poster.

The basic premise of the thread remains the same.

[Okay377]

My mum taught for a year or two at my secondary school. There wasn't much choice - it was the local comp where everyone went and where she landed a job. She taught the subject I was best at/enjoyed most but didn't actually teach me, and I think that would have made a difference ie I would have absolutely hated it and found it hugely difficult to contribute in class and to have work marked by her.

But without being taught directly, I don't really remember noticing it to be honest. The only comment I remember is when I had my first boyfriend (in the year above) she told me that the head of the subject she taught had said 'perhaps Okay will be a good influence' and my mum had laughed and said 'I very much doubt that. You don't know her'.

My mum actually had a tough time at the school, challenging classes etc and I suspect she felt far more uncomfortable about the situation than I did - having kids say 'do you know okay drinks' or lads trying to wind her up by saying 'so and so fancies your daughter'. As an arrogant outgoing teen, I didn't give a stuff. So I guess if there are difficulties it works both ways.

[TheSnowFairy]

OP, my point is that maybe with your history you have a certain viewpoint that others don't.

I wasn't bringing it up to be inflammatory.

[SaintEyning]

So interesting to read. My former stepdaughters attended the school their mother taught at and neither had any sleepovers in junior school. Neither has carried any friends over from that time and they both have trouble now at secondary with knowing how to "stick" friendships. Their mother has a very fierce reputation at school and I think that has really affected them.

I found similar at my own school - in my year, the children of teachers were quite isolated, socially.

[grannytomine]

My kids went to two schools where the head teacher's kids went. I think that was awkward as at the one school his kids got picked for everything and at the other they got picked for nothing, I assume he was bending over backwards to not be accused of favouring his kids where the other one did favour his without any embarrassment at all.

If its the best school for them why should they miss out? I do have a friend who went to a school where her mother was a teacher and she hated it.

[mmgirish]

I think you are being unreasonable actually. I teach at the same school as my children. Most of my colleagues have children at the school too. I haven't seen any of the problems you have described.

[cannotlogin]

I teach at the best school locally - there was no way my children were going to the alternatives. It is a big school and I rarely see him and I'm lucky that there is the goodwill to have me avoid teaching him. He doesn't shout about it and overall I think we are OK but we are only year 7 so there is a way to go.

[purplemoonlight]

No one would have known I had any problems either mm

I was on the surface happy and achieving well.