To persevere with getting ds to have a vaccination?

[SweetElizaRose]

He's 7 and we are booked in for chickenpox jabs.
I'm having it too since I'm not immune. It's doing the rounds at school and I don't want ds to catch it or to bring it home to prem dd. I know it's usually mild but not always.

However he is absolutely resisting. He's become very difficult over anything medical over the last couple of years. I can't even take his temperature. He wouldn't have the flu vaccine spray. They had to give up because he became hysterical. We've talked about why vaccines are necessary and how having the illness is worse than having the vaccine, we've tried bribes and rewards. Some of it is for effect. Apparently the chickenpox vaccine will kill him and make him cry for ten years and his arm will fall off etc etc.

I know I should be sympathetic but it's starting to get on my nerves. At some point he is going to have to have some sort of medical thing and if we keep backing down now how will we manage it? I think my view is slightly coloured as I was diagnosed diabetic at 8 and was doing all my own injections and blood tests more or less straight away. I know that doesn't change how he feels about medical type things though. I have to say he generally is a drama queen. I know that sounds horrible but he is! Everything is reacted to in an over the top way - for example something he doesn't like coming on the TV is 'an absolute disaster,' losing at football makes him 'want to never play again and throw all his footballs away,' a food he isn't keen on on his plate is 'total poison and will make him sick' so he does have a tendency to be a little over the top.

Would you back down on this or not?

Yanbu to force it, he's a child, this is important for his health and the health of his family. It's not a question.

Yes to warning the nurse so she can have everything ready and maybe catch him by surprise?

You need to take another adult with you and absolutely hold him down. Hopefully after all this fuss he will think that it wasn't anything bad after all. The anticipation is worse; all this build up.

would role play help? He's used to you injecting regularly so he knows it doesn't kill you. He has to overcome this, if he needs some special help then ok but for now he just has to do what you,mthe adult decides.

No more negotiations just be firm. Buy him an ice cream afterwards and no more discussions.

Poor nurse.

Have you tried the whole "How to talk" approach of acknowledging his fears about the injection. Haven't got to that stage yet with DS so can't report on how it works in practice, but as I understand it the idea is that if you're worried about something and people dismiss your fears by saying there's nothing to be afraid of, it's normal (for both adults and children) to get more and more vocal about what you're afraid of, and more resistant, to try and get people to acknowledge your feelings. Whereas letting people express their fears, while you listen sympathetically, helps them to calm down. That done you still continue with "I hear you're really worried, the problem is that it's important for everyone's health that you have this injection, how can we make this manageable for you?" At least it might give you a different approach to try.

Show him pictures of chicken pox and explain the affect it would have on himself and baby to catch it (though if it is doing the rounds at school chances are if he's going to get it he already would have it).

Otherwise stop discussing it.

Put him on "work to rule", withdraw privileges/screens etc

Stop talking about it with DS - you are just making it sound like something that may be negotiable. Ring the nurse before you book the appointment. Tell her the problem. Make the earliest appointment of the day (so no issue with running late) and don't flag it up with DS. If he asks where you are going just say you are taking your baby to the doctors. Make sure they are ready to go as soon as you arrive. No fussing checking in with reception, no hanging about in the waiting room room - just go straight to nurse's room. Once in, tell DS we are having injections and do it straight away. No chit chat, just bare the arm and jab. The anxiety generally comes from the anticipation. Bribes and negotiations make it seem optional. You don't need his consent or approval. You need him to be vaccinated.

Is there a reason for him needing the vaccine.

I enquired about it when I took my 3.5yo for his MMR booster (he hasn't had it despite the baby having it and the GP I saw with the baby mentioned asking the nurse about this vaccine)

Nurse said its only available to "vulnerable" children....

Unless you are going private then ignore me

Crunchymum read the OP's very first paragraph. She has a premature baby at home.

Yes, he does have to have it.

I was very needle phobic and routinely restrained for injections and minor medical procedures as a child. The phobia increased with every subsequent injection and medical procedure until I would become hysterical if someone so much as wanted to look in my ears/take my blood pressure, etc.

Many thousands of pound of private therapy later and with help from some fantastic nurses and midwives, I am a not-quite-so-phobic adult and have realised that the escalation of my phobia was not caused by the actual injection/procedure itself, but things like the shaming and feeling of being 'tricked' ("it's just a check up", "it won't hurt", etc)

Unfortunately, despite them having no idea of my past phobias, 1 of our DC has followed in my footsteps, so I now get to experience it from the other side, with the added thrill of a blood phobia too . Karma you could say.

However, whether through luck or judgement, DD's phobias are decreasing not increasing. Our approach has been:

• It's ok to be afraid
• It's ok to cry
• It's even ok if we have to hold you down; we understand why you are fighting us and it doesn't make you naughty or bad or silly. It's ok if you're not brave
• It's ok to feel/do all these things, BUT it is happening anyway because it is important. We will help the nurses hold you down help you to have it done, even if you don't want it, because the benefits are worth it

All very matter of fact, no "be a good girl" (because she can't, it's setting her up for failure), no rewards (the reward is that she is protected from X or that Y is fixed) and no shaming.

She's currently 6 and we have somehow managed to survive injections, broken bones, deep splinters and surgery. Like I said, she's getting better with each procedure, which is a huge relief.

Now if anyone can tell me how to deal with a blood phobia, that would be really helpful!

I forgot to add that we don't give DD a say in whether she gets an injection/procedure, but we do try to give her at least one other thing that she can control. E.g. you have to have the injection. Did you want to have it on the bed or on the chair? She decides this in advance, so that it can't be used as a delaying tactic! Then, as others have said, pre-warn the surgery that they are non-compliant and if you'll need any additional man-power to restrain them. Then it's in and out as quickly as possible.

Good luck!

The DC had to have lots of jabs when we moved overseas, and DS (10) decided he had a phobia of needles and initially flat refused to go, then screamed when he was there.

We were v matter of fact about it: yes it hurts, but it won't take long, we all have to do it, and we'll get ice cream after.

In the end he sat on my lap straddling me with an exposed arm over my shoulder, his face buried in my neck and squeezing my hand very tightly. Ridiculous, but it worked for him, and he was surprised it was over so quickly

If he's too big for you to hold him down, don't even think about taking him on your own. I am a nurse that vaccinates children. We are not allowed to restrain, so if he's going to kick off physically you're wasting your time. Not only that, it's dangerous to the nurse and child to try and stick a needle in a thrashing child.
Don't cajole, don't bribe, don't discuss. Take someone physically capable of helping you/holding him still, and get it done this way. If I'm not mistaken I think you'll need more than one vaccine over time to complete the course, so how you handle the first time sets a precedent for the next.

Could you appeal to his vanity? If he has the jab then he can avoid being spotty all over.

I had to hold DS down only this week for his last lot. He is 6 and large and heavy! I told DH I won't be able to do it much longer, I could barely hold him and he still managed to kick the dr. The dr has given me a patch for next time, put it on an hour before and it should numb the pain. My DC got the chicken pox vaccine in the thigh, not the arm.

Vaccinations are non-negotiable here.

My daughter is very phobic of hospitals/blood etc so I do think his fear is real but if he has to have it he has to have it. There is an option here (in this trust) to go to a special clinic that helps with anxieties like his and helps them to have jabs. Could you look into whether that is an option for you?

I took eldest son for his jabs and refused the chicken pox one. Husband took youngest for his jabs and got the chicken pox one. Eldest child caught chicken pox and shared it with me...(karma?), our youngest, who had the jab, still ended up with some spots.

I'm the needle-phobic in the family. Every year the rest go and get the flu jab, I stay at home.

The medical centre we used to go to had a special room for injections. It had frosted glass on the top half of the walls. I was waiting with my kids one day when an older child went in and kicked off spectacularly! The yelling, screaming, and you could see them through the glass trying to hold her down. After 15 minutes I took my kids and left, got to the car park and realised if we didn't go back and go through it we'd all be too scared to ever go back.

You must must must stop talking about it now. He's not going to be talked into it is he? So what is all the cat going to achieve??

Take another adult with you, warn the clinic in advance and get it done.

No more chat, it'll make it worse.

The dr has given me a patch for next time, put it on an hour before and it should numb the pain.

Oh yes forgot about that. We got EMEA (I think?) cream which is numbing - bit fiddly to apply and you have to do it 30-60 mins before. It seemed to help DD come round to the idea beforehand ... but then she still kicked off when the needle came out. However I hope that the fact it didn't hurt will help us next time.

Actually with hindsight I agree with Sits about not saying "it won't hurt" or "be brave". We tried those but had more success with "it's ok not to like it but it has to be done".

In all honesty he doesn't sound phobic, he sounds just as though he doesn't want it and is prepared to make a fuss.

I'd not discuss it any more with him, and if the subject comes up say "You are having it, I'm not talking about it. It isn't pleasant, but if you're sensible we will afterwards".

I'm having similar issues with DD. I always said that if she didn't get chicken pox by the time she was 13 she would have the injection but she keeps resisting. Ultimately though, I am going to insist as she is 13 now and I think she could really regret not having it. It can be so nasty for teenagers or adults. I will just book it in the summer holidays and tell her the day before.

YANBU. I think you need to contact the practice now and warn them of the problem, they may be able to help. They may even ask you to have yours first then leave the room.
Good luck.

OP I have read all your previous posts and I have to say that the behaviour you are describing in your ds sounds exactly like you. You have suffered through some terribly traumatics times with a less than supportive partner and have written thread after thread describing your severe anxiety and distress, particularly related to your health and your dcs health. Do you think that maybe your ds is picking up some of this fear and worry from you?

I recall you didn't vaccinate your dd due to worries over rotavirus, did your ds hear any discussions at home about the dangers of vacs? Did your ds ever know anything about how you were planning funerals for your dd after exposure to chickenpox? You told us how you were hallucinating due to sleep deprivation because you absolutely insisted on expressing every 2 hours. Is it any wonder he catatrophises and gets himself worked up if you also suffer from anxieties to these extents?

I am not saying any of this to blame you but to maybe help you see his (and your) behaviours from a different perspective. I really do hope you are getting the help you need from professionals and your dp. Having grown up surrounded by mental illness, and suffering a lifetime of it myself I am painfully aware of how easy it is to pick up distructive behaviours and thinking patterns from unwell parents. Please try to get help for you and your children.

Our health board rolled the Cp vaccine when dd was younger i got her done blooming thing only lasts 10 years she got cp in December she was 17

No butter he's been like this for about four years!

Anyway we went today and he had it. Massive fuss after - my arm is going to drop off, argh it hurts etc but seems ok now! Went better than I expected. Haven't told him there's a booster...

Ahhh well done to you both x