I left an abusive relationship with dds dad. It was a confusing time and neither of us realised it was abusive just put it down to him being depressed and angry. He's now doing a perpetrator course seeking help from gp and therapists. I moved in with parents in feb, however my dad seems to resent the fact that we live here now with him and my mum. He told me he's not a parent he's a grandad, I asked him why he thought he was a parent because I don't want or expect him to be because he's not, he then responded with you're not either.
I feel like I've been through enough, I appreciate them allowing us to stay here until I can afford to live independently with my dd and I hate that I can't provide her a home but my dad constantly reminds me that I'm in his house, that he's put the roof above dds head not me, aibu to think I should just leave and go on the council waiting list for a house, probably have to leave my nursing course because I can't afford it all. I'm a student so at the moment can't afford private renting. Dd is 9 months at the moment, I planned to stay here until I finished my uni course which wouldn't be until March 2018 when I would have a proper income and can then buy a home. In the meantime though I don't want dd growing up in an environment where I'm criticised infront of her, as I'm told by my own dad that I'm a rubbish mother, and made to feel like a rubbish mother. I already feel like one after the breakdown of my relationship with dds dad, loss of home, and nasty counter allegations made by ex which he now apologises for. I've lost the life I had and am already going to counselling for depression, my dads comments just leave me feeling worse.
I wanted better for dd, and I know in two years if I stay at uni I can provide that for her. I'm just really struggling to cope with this living environment and feeling unwelcome
I didn't have a particularly happy childhood and was constantly criticised, and called names. I thought now I'm older it would change but I see it happening again. I left ex but my dad makes me feel just as bad if not worse. I don't know what to do, I have dd to think of, I don't think it's possible to do it all
AIBU?
To throw it all away
Snugglesundertheduvet · 15/06/2016 09:44
Go to CAB. You don't get much help as a single parent nursing student but you do get some. Remember that your bursary will change too as you are now a single parent and it'll change again if you move from your parents.
Contact uni too. You won't be the first in this type of situation.
You'll make a fabulous nurse. 
I would not in a million years ever guilt trip her because she had disturbed my lovely dinner parties with friends and a couple of flower beds and other comments.... I'm not sure Sundance did that at all! I thought her post was a perfectly honest explanation of how some grandparent feel if/when their own kids move back in, for whatever reason.
Sundance's experience might have helped Snuggles undertsand some of her dad's actions, maybe as being his reaction to the changes in his life - being made redundant, always being at home and therefore being in a lot of contact with her and her DD. That is how she offered her post, after all!
I am, as ever, honestly aghast that some posters feel they have to dump such crap on A N Other in order to make themselves feel better, because that is that you did (and yes, I appreciate the irony of saying that in a post wherein I am taking A N Other t otask 
)! Your post was of no help to Snuggles, neither the part where you pounce on Sundance nor the parts where you expound upon your theory that no dad should do X, Y and Z.
I hope Snuggles gets support from all the agencies mentioned.
Yes, your dad is abusive too. The things he said to you are the same kinds of things abusive partners say: you'll never be able to find somewhere to live, you'll never manage without me, you'll never make anything of yourself, everything you do is substandard... It's all to make you feel bad about yourself so that he can feel better about himself. Bastard.
Ignore your dad's predictions of disaster and do everything you can to get out of his house AND stay in your course. Go to the CAB and get advice about benefits. Go to the Uni accommodation office and get advice about housing. Women's Aid are helpful too. It won't be easy, but you can get through this.
OurBlanche we will have to agree to disagree. Sundance did not mention the reason for her DC moving back home - I'm assuming (and hoping) it wasn't related to DV suffered by her daughter given her feelings on having her space taken over. The point I was making is that without the DV element the two examples can't really be compared. As for helping the OP to understand her father's actions, I think this is where our opinions obviously differ. To me, DF's attitude smacks of abusiveness and I'm not the only one who can see that. To my mind, all Sundance's post does is to seek to normalise and excuse that behaviour and I don't believe it is excusable.
Thanks for the section of your post where you "took me to task" 
I didn't dump any crap on anyone. I gave a different opinion and some balance against the view that OP's dad is justified in his abusive tendencies. Your comment about it making me feel better about myself is odd and I assume just intended to imply that I'm a terrible person or a bully. I am neither, thank you.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.