AIBU considering putting stop to potential new relationship?

[Summerisdone]

I've recently started seeing somebody and things have been going quite well. He seems nice and is quite a laugh, which is important to me. We've been on a handful of dates and we message a lot too, but it is still only early days.
We went out at the weekend and everything went well, then afterwards I agreed to stay over at his for the first time. We had sex and it was quite frankly disappointing. I tried to gently suggesting trying a few different things but he insisted that he only likes missionary ( which I'm usually ok with), but it was just so boring and felt like nothing was happening.
Am I being an absolute bitch and rather petty for considering putting a stop to this potential new relationship because of bad sex? I am feeling quite awful for thinking this way, but at the same if things became quite serious with us then I'd have to deal with faking all orgasms from here on out.
AIBU about it?

PS I've name changed just for this post

[amigoingabitcrazy]

You sound like you broke it off as nicely as possible op . Sexual chemistry is a make or break for many relationships!

[EveryoneElsie]

YANBU, and theres nothing bitchy about this. If you're not compatible in the bedroom then thats the way it is. Theres no one to blame.

[eatsleephockeyrepeat]

heard OF

[eatsleephockeyrepeat]

You've done the right thing Summer - absolutely - and the reason for that is that it's right FOR YOU. That's the number one criteria for decisions made about your relationship choice :)

To be honest this guy sounds as close to a "no-hoper" as I've ever heard!

[expatinscotland]

You did the right thing. You don't need a reason to finish it with someone so early on.

[Summerisdone]

I wasn't expecting mind blowing sex as of course it was our first time together, and I expect that things can be a bit awkward or uncomfortable, learning what each other's limitations are etc. but I also expected a bit of something. There wasn't any enjoyment in the experience, it was like nothing was happening. If I felt this guy had been up to trying different things in the future then I would have held out a bit longer, but he made it clear that he only likes missionary and for me that wasn't going to work out.
I don't think I should have to make do with sex that isn't satisfying and nor should he have to have me trying to convince him to do things he isn't comfortable with. I think it was fairer on us both to end it sooner rather than later.

[eatsleephockeyrepeat]

I don't think anyone's "pouring scorn" expat. You are of course bang on that no-one has to answer to anyone when ending a relationship, and even more so deciding whether or not they want to bother sleeping with someone again.

I think all a few of us are saying is that it's strikes an off note that you can go from enjoying someone's company, progressing that relationship to the point of sleeping together then cutting it off dead. In my teenaged years guys like this were frequently discussed; all going well then dump you as soon as you sleep together. Probably because they were older and teenaged girls are inexperienced. Whatever.

Anyway, there's no judgement in that; perhaps just the suggestion that in future if OP wants to avoid being in a similar situation (if she happens to feel bad about the sleep with/ditch situation, which she might not, which is absolutely fine) she could leave the sleeping with part until the person would definitely be worth a second try if things were terrible. Obviously no-ones saying that's necessary, just that the OP seemed less than pleased at the position she found herself in.

[TheStoic]

No scolding, just offering an opinion that was asked for.

[expatinscotland]

'I think deciding whether you are sexually compatible with someone based on your first and only session with them is...premature.'

I think it's up to the people in question and not for anyone to judge or scold a person for. And she said there was no chemistry. But hey ho, let's pour scorn on women who end 5-minute 'relationships' , for whatever reason, they are so mean, just didn't give a chance blah blah blah.

[TheStoic]

I think deciding whether you are sexually compatible with someone based on your first and only session with them is...premature.

Especially if there is chemistry. Chemistry can't be manufactured, but technique can almost always be improved. It takes time to get to know someone's body, and how your body responds to them.

If you enjoyed his company outside the bedroom, I think you've been a bit hasty ending it without an honest conversation. But as others have said, you can end it for any reason or no reason. Hopefully there are plenty of other fish in the sea for you.

[expatinscotland]

"I've started dating a woman, she is lovely, attractive, we had a lot of fun and laughs together, but the first time we slelt together she wouldn't gave a blow job, or entertain an*l sex. Not adventurous enough for me. Should I just dump her?"

I would give the same advice in that case because if you're not sexually compatible, then it's a reason to end it. In fact, you don't need a reason to end it. You can end it because he/she wore socks, or snorted when they laughed, or whatever. The OP owes this person nothing and he owes nothing to her. We weren't there, but the OP has made it patently clear that she did not enjoy the sex at all and he set out strict parametres straight away and he doesn't seem to give a shit.

Why on Earth would you advise someone to put up with stuff they don't like when they met the person 5 minutes ago?

[Mitel]

You ended it? That's the right thing to do. Without a doubt.

Sure you had a great time with him, enjoyed his company, communicated well, shared a sense of humour.....but as sex wasn't great the first time, pull the plug. Seriously, the advice in this thread.

"I've started dating a woman, she is lovely, attractive, we had a lot of fun and laughs together, but the first time we slelt together she wouldn't gave a blow job, or entertain an*l sex. Not adventurous enough for me. Should I just dump her?"

"You misogynist.....there is more to a person and relationship than just sex....it would probably get better over time.....you are so shallow and pathetic...... she deserves better than you......is that all men think about etc etc.

He is far better off without you.

[n0ne]

I dunno... When I was first dating now-DH, it was far from electric But he learned quickly and has become the best lover I've ever had. Not to mention the sweetest, funniest, kindest man I could ask for. If I'd kicked him to the curb cos the first few DTDs weren't up to snuff, I would have missed out on a gem.

[Summerisdone]

I've rang him this evening and just explained that I'm not as ready as I thought I was for a relationship right now, so best to call it a day before it gets anymore serious.
He took it ok though he said he was a little gutted but understood I'm not ready, then we left it at that.
I think people saying I should listen to my gut instinct are correct. I know the first time isn't always great, but that's because it can be a bit awkward whereas this was just plain yawn. I really couldn't see it getting any better overtime unless he was willing to mix things up and perhaps find what his strengths are in the bedroom, and I don't really want to take a chance on him that way when he seemed to not like the idea of trying anything else

[feckity]

a) You can end any relationship at any time for any reason. If you don't want to be with him, that's enough.

b) Don't ever start a relationship faking orgasms, you'll never get a real one!

[LordoftheTits]

I've rarely had great sex with someone the first time, it takes a bit of time to get to know the other person in that way. However, being unwilling to take suggestions doesn't sound great.

You've also made a rod (arf ) for your own back by telling him it was great!

[TheNaze73]

Bin him off now. If he is that inflexible now (no pun intended) it'll only get worse. You & him, should be rewriting the karma sutra early doors & it should be edgy & exciting. Not just bloody missionary. Zzzzzzzz He sounds repressed

[girlywhirly]

Yes, trust your instinct. Seeming nice and being quite a laugh isn't enough if there is no spark between you. It's as if you thought that might happen when you had sex. His attitude isn't very encouraging either, regarding wanting to pleasure you. It makes me think he would expect you to defer to him all the time, about all sorts of things. Next time he calls, I'd just say that you don't think you have any future as a couple and want to end it.

[expatinscotland]

Here's the no. 1 reason people get sucked into shit relationships: they do not listen to themselves, their gut instinct, they doubt themselves and end up giving chances to people they shouldn't even be giving the time of day to. Trust yourself. Chemistry's not there. FFS, you faked orgasm. This guy didn't even recognise that you weren't enjoying it. He set all the parametres right away.

Just DUMP and move on.

[TheStoic]

Was he nervous? Any body image issues? Did he say he only ever likes missionary, or that's all he felt comfortable with that particular night?

There's nothing to lose by having a conversation. No point assuming you're not compatible without making sure that's the case.

[VestalVirgin]

In fairness I didn't get that feeling, it was more like he thought I was trying to make suggestions for his benefit, I don't think he realised it was because I wasn't enjoying myself.

Oh dear. Once you have taken that path, it is very difficult to turn back, but ... I still think you should be honest.

Or give up this time and be honest with the next potential partner.

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

You don't need a reason to stop seeing him. If you don't feel it's worth the hassle of trying to fix whatever the problem is, then just end it.

[mygorgeousmilo]

YANBU because no, that doesn't sound great at all. But. If he's genuinely someone you see a future with, I think it's worth investing some time in. Maybe he isn't confident or something, but I've never known sex in a relationship to get worse, in my (ahem) experience, it always quickly improves when you get to know a person. I feel like all of my first times with previous partners have never wowed me, because it's all so awkward and new. A few times down the line I've realised that the tension is gone and it's actually pretty fantastic! He does need to listen to what you want, though, that's for sure.

[expatinscotland]

Dear god! Shit sex, only wants missionary. He's an adult, not a puppy. It's not your job or responsibility to change him, make him open up, take him on as a project, etc. There's no chemistry. He is shite in bed. You barely know him. You just text, 'This isn't working for me so it's time for me to move on. Wishing you the best, x' and then you find someone you're more compatible with.

[Summerisdone]

He's testing your willingness to put up with egoism.

In fairness I didn't get that feeling, it was more like he thought I was trying to make suggestions for his benefit, I don't think he realised it was because I wasn't enjoying myself.
Also I did consider being honest with him, but when it's our first time together and I've only been dating him for a few weeks I just didn't feel confident enough to do so, perhaps if we'd been together a while then I'd probably be more open with him about it, but so early on I'm just afraid of hurting his ego and making him feel shitty and over conscious with myself or anybody else in the future. I also don't know if I could be honest with him after I faked it the other night, and when he text me last night to tell me how great it was for him, I didn't know what else to say but agree