AIBU to worry about biting dog, should we say something?

[Sara107]

Just wondering really, what would other people do: we met some lovely people, their DC is same age as ours and they play nicely together. We went to their house for the first time. DH and DC went in first when the door was opened, I was bringing up the rear. Family dog, a large, strong breed, rushed at them barking. It was called back and we were assured he was gentle etc. And it was very well behaved while we were there, and I was happy for DC to stroke it etc. However, when we got home, DH rolled up his sleeve, and there was a livid bruise on the inside of his forearm about the size of a 2 p coin with two puncture wounds in it. Dog had bitten him, and drawn blood through a raincoat and heavy cotton sweatshirt thing. My immediate thought was thank God it wasn't dD's face, which was about the same height as her dad's arm! We are in a bit of a dilemma as to whether we should tell the owners the bite happened ( and risk upsetting them, I am sure they trust it and obviously really dote on it). Or should we say nothing, and hope it was dog's first and only bite? I would worry about any dog that bites, particularly when it's around children. Will it offend them if we say something?

[GinIsIn]

I'm sorry but I do think it's really really weird that your DH let your children play with a dog that had just bitten him so he didn't appear rude. WTF?!

[thetemptationofchocolate]

I'm glad he told them. Maybe this is the first time the dog has bitten anyone but I should hope that they make sure it is never left alone with their (or anyone else's) child.

I was bitten by a dog, and had to go to get the wound stitched. The first question the nurse asked was, were there children where the dog lived? There were no children at the house, so no more was said but I wonder whether they are obliged to report to someone (SS maybe?) if they think there is a risk to a child.

[Onenerfwarfrombreakdown]

I think he's done the right thing letting them know so they are aware.

[Sara107]

I haven't had a detailed report on the conversation, just a text! But he said dog owner was VERY apologetic. I should think they are mortified, I would be if it was my dog. And they are nice people, I feel somehow bad about it all.

[McButtonwillow]

I can see how your scenario could easily play out like that and if your dh hadn't realised he had actually been bitten then his reaction is not abnormal imo.

What did they say when your dh told them?

[Sara107]

Well, I was a few paces behind dh so I didn't have a clear view of what happened, and while he didn't fall to the floor screaming 'I've been bitten'! he did obviously react and put his arm out to fend off the dog ( hence the bite was on the inside not outside). The owners clearly saw his reaction ( even though he didn't say anything), because they hauled off the dog saying 'don't worry, he doesn't bite!'. In the heat of the moment he opted to politely not mention it in order not to embarrass our hosts (polite I would say rather than weird), but after seeing the marks that were left and reflecting for a couple of days he decided the owners should know.
'

[Laiste]

What did they say OP?

[Overshoulderbolderholder]

I read threads and the advise given is supportive, inciteful, witty then, on the other hand I read threads where the gremlins are out and replies are peppered with unhelpful, suspicious and damn right rude replies. It does make me wary of posting a question.
Glad your DH rang the couple with the dog as it did need to be said.

[LaPharisienne]

Tell them.

What they do about it is up to them, but I wouldn't go round again and I definitely wouldn't let your children go there under any circumstances. A dog that bites is dangerous.

[namechangeparents]

Or alternatively they will be offended. There's nowt so queer as dog-owners.

When my son was younger he went to a childminder a couple of evenings a week after school (and mornings beforehand) and after a few years she got a dog. I walked in one morning when I was dropping him off and the dog jumped up at me and I in turn jumped. The dog did "bite" me - actually she just put her teeth on me but it made me jump. The childminder told me off for jumping and said it would upset the other children!

[SolomanDaisy]

Obvious you have to tell them, but they're going to think your DH is bloody weird for saying nothing, not even ow, at the time.

[WiddlinDiddlin]

Speak to the owners - it sounds to me like frustrated/excited/out of control greeting behaviour - jumping barking nipping and the easy solution for that is simply NOT to let the dog meet visitors to the house until they are indoors, seated and the dog can meet them calmly.

It COULD be something else but if it were for example, resource guarding over food or toys or high value treats, I would not expect the dog to calm down and play nicely but to go back to the item he is guarding and make it quite clear he is guarding it, keep away.

The owners do need to know this or it will happen again and even if the behaviour is based in excitement and a lack of self control, could end VERY badly for them and the dog.

I would strongly recommend that they get a behaviourist in to assess the dog and put together a management plan and a behaviour modification plan to address the behaviour and keep their dog safe.

[Sara107]

Well, he's not superhuman but not everyone gets loudly hysterical when feeling pain. He's also not a fucking idiot, just a decent person trying not to be rude to his hosts and not quite sure what to do / say. And as I said, there was absolutely nothing in that dogs behaviour for the rest of the evening that would make you think that he was in any way flaky. Quiet, well behaved, waggy tail etc. And to be fair, I do not think DH realised how bitey the bite was until he looked later (thinking more along the lines of a bark that got too close rather than a bite with intent).
Anyway, today he phoned the dog owner, so we are no longer in a dilemma..

[PotOfYoghurt]

If this played out as you say it has, then your DH is a fucking idiot.

Despite the fact that he can apparently be bitten by a dog and not make any noise or reaction at all and therefore must be superhuman, he let his children sit and stroke a dog which had just bitten him.

What the fuck was he thinking?

[Sara107]

Thanks for responses! As Budgiegirl says, I reckon it was a top and bottom tooth that sunk in and did the piercing, rather than the whole jaw - hence the 2 p sized bruise. It is a dalmation - so a large dog. He had put up his arm when the dog shot at him, hence the inside of his forearm. We didn't have time to see any warning signs from the dog Widdin, we walked in the front door, dog zoomed at us. What I think was happening was the dog had been given a snack which it was eating when we arrived. It dropped the snack on the living room floor, ran out to bite, then popped back to finish the snack. I don't think DHs clothes were shredded, but there was a slobber + snack mark on the sleeve of his jacket, so defintely teeth not claws. Tarts, I don't know, maybe it was a misaimed bark, but to go through two layers of clothes strongly enough to break the skin I think has a bit more intention than woof behind it really. I suppose DH didn't say anything at the time because he wasn't sure what to say - it was our first time in their house and he didn't want to be rude and make a fuss the second we walked in the door. Also, some people do get quite defensive and offended by anything they perceive as criticism of their pet's behaviour. And often people don't realise that their dog is actually upsetting anyone - how often do you get leaped all over by some great brute of a thing while the owner smiles indulgently and says, oh he's very friendly. But maybe in hindsight it would have been less awkward to have mentioned it in the heat of the moment rather than having to bring it up at a later date......

[Silvercatowner]

I was bitten through clothes - it bruised and was very painful. Surely if the skin was broken the clothes would be shredded?

[RoseDog]

Are you sure it wasn't the dogs claws that caught your dhs arm? I'm always covered in bruises and puncture wounds from my dog jumping up on me, she is a big strong breed, if her mouth/teeth came in contact with an arm there would be more than puncture wounds 2p size apart!

[Tartsamazeballs]

My old dog did this to my now husband about 12 years ago- it wasn't a bite as much as it was a misaimed bark. Caught a bit of his arse between two incisors and left two small bruises in a pinch mark. Is that what happened, OP?

[budgiegirl]

It's certainly possible for a large dog to cause a small bruise with two puncture wounds close together - it sounds like a nip from a top and bottom tooth, rather then two teeth from one jaw, IYSWIM.

OP, I think you should tell your friend, I have a dog and I'd want to know. And yiur DH should get medical attention if a dogs tooth has broken the skin.

[WiddlinDiddlin]

Sorry misread the OP (I am knackered) - so the dog bit your husband, and he is definitely not mistaken..

Photos of the bite would still help, I would assume this was a nip from front teeth, as the dog has caught a bit of skin between them.

That can happen in play (but through clothing? hmm) or as a warning nip - what was happening at the time of the bite - what concerns me most is that this has happened without the owners noticing, which suggests if the bite was a warning bite, it happened without any OTHER signs of warning.

Dogs have a LOT of warning signs before they bite - freezing, staring, lipcurling, growling, snarling, air snapping, muzzle punching... and then on through the bite scale right up to killing someone.

However dogs who have been punished for showing the earlier signs on that 'ladder of aggression' will leap to the next in line - if a polite lip curl or growl is ignored and associated with punishment, then the dog has no choice but to use 'nip' or 'bite' (and not all dogs will naturally perform all the behaviours on the scale).

[MintyChops]

Yeah, right.

[WiddlinDiddlin]

Do you have a photo of the bite wound? (Bite levels are fresh in my mind having just come back from a doggy conference).

IF their dog did indeed bite him yes I would let them know but I am in some doubt as to whether the dog did actually bite, as the injury you are describing seems.. odd... particularly if the child made no sound and did not comment on it at the time.

I would expect a bite that left a bruise on the inside of the forearm to have a corresponding mark on the outside of the forearm, where the other jaw would have closed around his arm.

Whilst it is possible for a dogs teeth to connect with and bruise human skin without the jaw even being opened that much, you'd see such injuries typically on the outside of forearms, on knuckles/backs of hands etc, not the inside.

I think we really need more information (and a picture would tell me a LOT really and you'd then have much more information to give the dogs owners).

[FuckingMother]

Please tell them. I had a dog as a teenager, it was a rescue. It was a long time ago and we didn't have proper advice but she had obviously been badly abused. If she was scared or threatened or her food was touched when she ate it she would usually growl a warning but may suddenly lunge to bite. We coped with her until she passed away12 years later but she was kept away from young children and supervised closely. She was lovely and adored us and I adored her but she was very damaged and challenging. If there had been young children around no way could we have kept her.

[strongswans]

very odd. My puppy would make a mark bigger than that. Why didn't DH say something at the time? I would of and made sure dc were out of the way. Of course you tell them