to think I do not have a "difficult" baby?

[Bonobosown]

Comment from MIL the other day because DS (12 weeks) gets quite easily overstimulated and when this happens need to be swaddled and put down for a nap. Cue "he's a really difficult baby"

He isn't! He does cry but rarely inconsolably and when he has fits of the grumps it's usually very obvious what the issue is and easily rectified.

AIBU to dislike the term "difficult" baby? Seems designed to make mums feel like crap. And "easy" baby for that matter. I'm not sure even the most angelic baby could be described as "easy" per se.

[Ihatechoosingnames]

I don't know OP, some babies are difficult! It's not a criticism of them or you personally. My DS was a difficult baby. He is lovely and has always been a sweetie but he just hated naps, hated cuddles, was refluxy, had a terrible time with teething etc. I didn't realise until I had my DD quite how hard work my DS had been. DD is a very easy baby. However, she is wary of strangers and cries if anyone apart from me, DH or DS speak to her (she's 7 months) so people say to me 'oh she is clingy, oh she is a mummy's girl' blah blah blah and it kinda bugs me as it does feel like a judgment. So I understand how you feel OP. I think it's best to ignore, people say all sorts of stupid shit about babies. Can feel personal when it's about your own baby.

[ConcernedParent88]

Yes. It was one of a few bullet pointed 'signs' on a (gov created/endorsed) course I had to endure recently.

[Savemefromwine]

I am a lovely mil and no baby is difficult or boring, silly cows.

My grandson is perfect whatever he does as is my dil.

So there

[chocoLit]

Tell her she's a 'difficult MIL' and ignore her.

[SpaceDinosaur]

She told people he's discontented?

Bitch

Don't invite her over. Don't allow her in.
"Well, as Baby is difficult I wouldn't want you being offended when he doesn't want you holding him endlessly so perhaps hold off until he becomes more contented"

"I found your spreading your opinion to family as fact very hurtful and offensive. Implying my son is discontented is not only rude but also implies that I am failing him" (you're absolutely not but she's overstepped the mark)

Disclaimer, I'm pregnant and hormonal and in an angry swing!

[unimagmative13]

I have the most chilled baby who entertains everyone with smiles and giggles.

MIL is in his face ' aren't you lazy'

I feel like saying - just fuck off.

[Zaurak]

Really, concerned? Gosh...

It's odd. My little guy is a real challenge- wonderful, bright, sparky but oh my god he never ever sleeps... But I hate hearing him called difficult. There's something about it that's never sat right with me...

[ConcernedParent88]

Referring to a child/infant as "difficult" is one of the recognised indicators of higher likelihood of abuse potential.

[Zaurak]

"He's a really difficult baby"

The correct response of course is the tinkly laugh and "he's fine with us - he just doesn't like you"

[Pohara1]

My xp's mother used to say ds was difficult. At two weeks old he slept for 6 hours a night - he was fed on demand(Bf) so i never woke him just fed for as long as he wanted when he woke. But she lived abroad so he rarely saw her and when he did she her he often refused to interact with her at all, preferred her x who he saw every week.

It irritated me when she said he was difficult or really needy. So yanbu, i know exactly where you're coming from.

[Wizzles]

I also have a "difficult" baby who wants entertainment and interaction most of the time she is awake.

I went to baby class today and all the other babies happily lay there staring at the ceiling quietly for an hour & a half, while I was permanently having to wave toys in DD's face or stand up with her to jig her around. It's exhausting, and I feel embarrassed like I must be doing something wrong.

I feel like I have to have some reason why she's being "difficult" - she's teething, it's the heat, she had her jabs yesterday etc - but ultimately she's just a noisy baby & I'm doing my best.

My MIL's best friend's daughter had a baby a month before me who is pretty much the opposite of mine: sleeps through, rarely cries, happily left to just lie on a blanket with no entertainment for ages. Every time MIL mentions this baby I want to cry & just feel like I'm crap.

I'm sure your MIL isn't being intentionally nasty, but I understand your feelings at what she's saying. You know your DS better than anyone and if you don't like other people's opinions of him then tell them to politely bugger off.

[fatandold]

Maybe she comes from a generation that largely ignored babies except for strict four hourly feeds by the clock, put in pram in garden "for the fresh air", let them cry a lot "because it's good for them". ??

[Cel982]

It's rude. She shouldn't be making any comment on your baby's temperament or how contented he is. It's purely to make herself feel better, ignore to the max.

[TurtleEclipseofTheHeart]

I feel a bit sensitive when people comment on DS being clingy or a mama's boy etc even though I say he is difficult myself. He is lovely and brilliant fun but he tends to cry as soon as he is held by anyone other than DP or me, and when he is back with us he laughs because he got what he wanted! Whatever the intention, it always feels like people are insinuating that you have "made" your baby difficult, clingy, or whatever they are saying, and that you should have done something differently. In my case, I think there has been judgment of me breastfeeding; some relatives think that if he was bottlefed he would be happier to be passed round for cuddles, which would also then mean they could babysit him. It makes me feel like I've mollycoddled him or something but I think it is more about other people's feelings towards DS, and breastfeeding, rather than an actual criticism of me, if that makes sense?

[WorraLiberty]

AIBU to dislike the term "difficult" baby? Seems designed to make mums feel like crap. And "easy" baby for that matter. I'm not sure even the most angelic baby could be described as "easy" per se.

I completely disagree. In fact the term 'difficult baby', seems (to me) to be designed to make the parents feel better. In other words, no matter how hard they try, they have a difficult baby to placate.

My first was an extremely difficult baby, and I actually took some comfort from midwives/my parents/inlaws recognising that. It made feel they understood that it wasnt down to anything I was doing wrong, if that makes sense?

DC 2 and 3 were in every sense "easy babies", and much easier to enjoy.

[Bonobosown]

Xmas you're right, I suppose it depends what you find hard.

I don't find the fact he wakes up every couple of hours that bad tbh. He's quite happy during the day and I prefer that to one who sleeps through but cries all day, if I have to choose!

But for some the sleep deprivation is unbearable.

[Xmasbaby11]

There are easy and demanding babies. But it totally depends on your perspective. My friend's baby seemed demanding to me as he was very sicky and fed every couple of hours, terrible napper. But he was so good natured and happy for anyone to look after him so in that way - easy.

[jusdepamplemousse]

I think it just is hard to hear other people passing comment on your baby...if they say he or she is easy, you feel like 'no she bloody isn't, you TRY it, it's hard work' and if they say he or she is difficult you feel like they are gravely insulting your child's personality. At least that's how I feel .

It would probably be best if people had the sense to stick to asking the parent how their baby is, rather than telling them.

[Bonobosown]

glue

That's why I don't like either term.

[UmbongoUnchained]

All babies are difficult to me because I had the worlds easiest baby. It well and truly put me off having anymore.

[glueandstick]

Apparently we have an 'easy' baby (sleeps 8 hours straight at 3 months, is generally content and good fun. Has moments of being the devil incarnate and doesn't like to go to bed before 10ish) and because of that I shouldn't have PND or be exhausted.

[Paperkins]

In which case, may she's feeling emotional about something (son's first child, wanting to be more involved, hates babies, ) ask her some advice (you don't have to follow it) to get her on side as she sounds like good babysitting material if only grandchild.

It's also normal to feel like every comment is a criticism, as Polaroid's said. It makes it harder I think when bombarded with media telling us we're doing it all wrong, doubting ourselves and lack of sleep. Next time she says it, tell her 'yes, he is a bit, can you look after him while I have a bath as I could do with a break?'

[Paintedhandprints]

My first ds is what you might describe as a 'highly needy' baby. Or 'difficult'. He bf every 1-2hrs. Barely slept, even at night. Didn't like the playgym, etc. Second ds is a dream, literally, 9wks old and has dropped to 1-2 feeds in the night. I sometimes have to wake him for a feed after 4hrs! If I didnt have ds1 keeping me awake at night it would be a breeze!
Your baby sounds 'easy'. Mil is annoyed she can't play with him thats all.

[3amClub]

Your MIL seems a bit wounded that her touch can't soothe DS. Not sure why but older people seem to get a buzz about getting a baby to sleep, even so far as taking ds off me because 'they can do it quicker' even though I know he's twisty because he's hungry. I jus let them crack on & smile knowingly when they grumpily hand him back they probably call him difficult behind my back!

[Bonobosown]

It was sad with cats bum face and she's since gone round telling other members of DH family he's very discontented!!