slapped on the fingers... :-/

[Krooski]

I'm a bit unsure what to think of this. I -and another person- got a ridefrom someone to and from a group that all three of us are involved in - this happens twice a month.
We've only known each other for a few months, through the group, so we don't know each other that well. Usually it's all good during the drive and we chat in the car, but the last time the driver seemed very grumpy. She was much quieter than usual and reacted a little irritated if I said smth. I didn't think much of it because I know she has health issues and had been very busy lately, so I reckoned she was just tired or not feeling well.

After our meeting we got back into the car. While we were still in the parking place I was sitting next to the (still grumpy) driver holding and I was holding the handle above the door - I didn't do this consciously, I guess it was just comfortable.
Anyway, as the driver started the car she snapped at me to remove my hand because she couldn't see, and before I could do as she asked she slapped me on my hand and fingers. Only a small slap, and it didn't hurt, but I must admit I was a little shocked.
The rest of the drive she was mostly quiet, and when I said or asked something she reacted very annoyed and irritated. I still think it was down to her not feeling well, but I'm quite bothered by the slap on the fingers. I don't think anyway over the age of six has slapped me in the last thirty-odd years, and like I said, this woman and I don't know each other very well.

I suppose I'll just pretend it didn't happen. What would you think or feel if someone you don't know very well slaps you on the fingers?

[jay55]

She was wrong but if she was stressed, had a car full which can make people more anxious and you were restricting her view it's not entirely unexpected that she snapped.
Maybe now there are more of you petrol money should be offered again, did the new person offer?

[Tingitangi]

I'd be grumpy too if you guys weren't contributing to the petrol costs.

The slapping your hand away like a naughty child was a bit off though, sounds like she realised before too late.

I'd talk to her, ask her outright what her problem actually is.

[Morsecode]

It's one thing to take advantage of a lift and quite another to have all and sundry piling in for regular lifts... Just saying.

[TheUnsullied]

Would it be ok for a teacher to tap an annoying child's hand away from something?

If the hand was doing something dangerous like the OP's was, yes.

[AngieBolen]

Actually I don't think it was ok for the woman to tP the ops hand like this.

Would it be ok for a teacher to tap an annoying child's hand away from something?

Whether it hurt or not isn't the issue. It's really, really weird behaviour.

[TheUnsullied]

Not all skin to skin contact that isn't a caress is a slap. The fact is, if this woman had slapped the OP, it would be downright absurd for all the passengers (OP included) to continue with the journey without saying anything. The word 'slapped' is being used for dramatic purposes here.

[Onlyicanclean10]

She did put her on the spot by asking in the first place though. It wasn't her business to sort out lifts for all the bloody class and not her place to ask 'her' driver to step up. Presumably if she wanted to offer she would have done so herself!

There's no way a driver could lean across and slap another adult I'm that position. It was clearly a tap from an irritated person on another irritating person.

[shiveringhiccup]

Actually I've changed my mind. Yabu.

[shiveringhiccup]

Not ever ok to be physical with someone else.

HOWEVER.

I can imagine circumstances where she may have tapped you without thinking (doesn't sound like a slap, you're being dramatic).

Maybe she has very small children and is a 'tapper'. Maybe she was wound up by the situation eg this extra person.

What makes sense to me is - Maybe you were obstructing her vision. You clearly weren't in any rush to move as she had time to reach across to you. When you are driving and responsible for passengers sometimes you have to act quickly to remove any hazards, and it sounds like your arm was a hazard. It can be very stressful being the driver. I assume you would prefer a light tap than her leave it and then have a crash because of her obstructed vision?

I don't think yabu however I think you are blowing this out of proportion and making it out to be much more than it was.

[PirateSmile]

How very strange and I can understand why the OP was upset. I would feel very upset too if somebody did that to me. Nobody has the right to tap, slap, or whatever another person and there is no way I would spend any further time in the company of somebody who'd done that to me.

[AskBasil]

onlyIcanclean - and immediately after you posted, there came another couple of posts blaming the OP for the fact that some loon is slapping her hand.

Seriously, it's not normal. And people who say "you aren't willing to see how you might be to blame" (or words to that effect) are saying that the OP is responsible for the hitter 's behaviour. That's exactly what they're saying. And it's not on.

Also you are totally misrepresenting the OP - she didn't put the driver "on the spot" she asked well in advance if it would be a problem to take the fourth person. Unless you think any enquiry is putting someone on the spot, it's not fair to characterise what the OP did as that.

[Baileysagain]

She shouldn't have slapped you but the only sensible way to deal with it is don't be dependent on her and make alternative arrangements.

[gamerchick]

You don't like to try and see if you're to blame at all do you? Blaming her health or her medications and seemingly so unaware that you should be mindful of your own behaviours and not rely on people just telling you. Some people don't like to tell other adults how to behave.

This arrangement doesn't work anymore, sort something else out.

[TheUnsullied]

The difference between tapping and slapping is worth thinking about here really. You're saying slapping and it's really affecting how the story is coming across. But at that distance she'd have to reach quite a lot to get to your fingers. It sounds like she tapped your fingers.

From a driver's perspective, people who hold that handle without realising are generally people who do it habitually. It really affects the driver's visibility when turning, changing lanes, etc. It's extremely annoying. The tap was probably a result of how annoying that is plus you asking her to accommodate for near-stranger number 4. That shouldn't have come from you at all, however nicely you went about it. She offered you lifts...she wanted to be nice to you. She was far less likely to say no to you than she was to number 4. She's now in the awkward position of letting even more people down should she ever be too ill to do the journey.

All that is by the by really. If you irritate her enough as a passenger that she's giving you physical cues to be more considerate then I'd probably thank her arrange alternative transport. And you should probably take number 4 with you as she never extended her generous offer to him.

[JazzierShadeOfBlack]

OP it really isn't your place to question whether or not the driver is fit to drive. All you know is that she takes some medication, you don't know the ins and outs of her situation or health conditions. However, if you really are concerned then maybe it would be best to find an alternative way to get to the activity.

[Onlyicanclean10]

Basil

None has said its ok to hit another person but the op asked why we thought she did and people have put to her more sensible reasons than the op seemed to think as in she was somehow ill.

Putting the driver on the spot and adding another random person for s lift would piss me off. Also holding the door would fan the flames and make me want to slap her. I wouldn't but I would have been mightily grumpy.

Busy bodies are annoying. You might not have intended to be one op but think you were bang out of order just as much as the driver was to be honest.

[Mistigri]

I'm puzzled at all the people who think that this is ok because you somehow brought it upon yourself. Really?

This so obviously crosses the line between "normal" and "weird" that I'd be looking for another means of transport.

[FinnMcCool]

If you didn't consciously choose to hold the handle above the door, then presumably you did it out of habit. And you dont drive, so youve no idea how sitting like that in the passenger seat affects the drivers ability to see out of the passenger wing mirror - particularly reversing.
I bet she has been pissed off with you for a while for sitting like that, and she has finally snapped at you. Adding a new passenger for her to ferry around will not have added any brownie points to your cause.
I bet you lean forward and rummage around in your bag on the floor as well, when she is trying to reverse out of a parking space.
YABU, but so is she for the slap.

[AskBasil]

Oh FGS.

All the shit about whether the OP pays for petrol and the fourth person, are really just irrelevant.

There's only two occasions it's acceptable to hit an adult's fingers away the way the driver did and that's either when it's unconscious as when another poster described doing it to someone biting their nails, but then you apologise and laugh about it, or if it's dangerous and the reflex instinct kicks in and afterwards, you apologise/ explain.

Hitting someone because you feel resentful, is not acceptable, normal adult behaviour, it's weirdy stuff.

Can't believe so many people are trying to pretend that the OP has somehow brought this on herself.

[Kidnapped]

Yes, you should not have taken on the responsibility of asking around for a lift for this guy. Why can't he ask around the group? It is him who wants the lift.

People don't like being put on the spot. It seems it started off with giving you a lift, and then a second person a lift some of the time, and then a third person is suddenly needing a lift. It can all get a bit much.

She was well out of order for slapping/tapping your fingers though.

[Onlyicanclean10]

She's not feeling ill she's pissed because she now feels obliged to give another random person lift. Seriously op why were you asking around about lifts for another person you don't know well and getting involved. You sound like a busy body. Obviously she couldn't refuse could she without looking a bitch!

Take the hint and sort out your own lifts and let others do the same.

What's the club?

[MatildaTheCat]

It would probably work best if you ask her rather than us what might be bothering her. It does sound as if a) she feels Ill and b) she was fed up with the fourth person being included. Also,mif she felt unwell all the chatter could be really annoying.

Talk to her. The 'slap' sounds totally insignificant to me.

[Witchend]

Our car isn't huge, and I have normal size arms, but I needed to lean over to reach the passenger window yesterday and ended up half sitting on the handbrake to reach. And sprawled across ds (who thought it was funny) It was jolly uncomfortable and took enough time that you could have easily removed your hand in plenty of time.

I think your problem is either you've got a toy car or your driver's an orangutan. If the latter then slapping is perfectly natural behaviour. So don't worry. She'll probably happily remove your fleas for you too.

[QueenofallIsee]

I reckon that she felt ill, wanted to miss whatever your group is and felt like she couldn't as she is relied on for transport for 3 other people. Instead of saying, look I didn't think this through and I can't do this every single time, she is festering on it

Withdraw from the arrangement OP, its not going to work out