To have one glass of wine being 19 weeks pregnant

[Makeupbabes]

I'm 19 weeks pregnant, I get really bad anxiety and have been referred for CBT only yesterday, I've had a really anxious week & when I was in tesco yesterday afternoon I picked up a small bottle of Chardonnay. I must note I've not had any alcohol since finding out I was pregnant in February & this is the first time I've felt the urge.

Anyway I get home & say to my boyfriend "oh I bought something I shouldn't have & I'm not sure if I should have it now" he completely overreacted (well to me he did) he said in a really stern voice "you are not having that, pour that down the sink now" am I so wrong to have bought this small bottle of wine, I didn't end up having it after that, he made me feel awful! I honestly felt as if I was being spoken to like a naughty 5 year old!

My question is Aibu to want one glass of wine & was he being unreasonable to react that way?

[BillSykesDog]

OP, I'm the same as you and I'm so glad you didn't have that wine. You would have felt even worse the next day and probably tempted to have even more.

Yoga is a good suggestion. Meditation is another one and I have had acupuncture and massage too. If you are really struggling is it worth looking into another kind of anti-depressant?

Also, this is an online CBT course that NHS doctors recommend and is very good:

moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

That might help in the meantime.

Good luck and all the best to you and your baby.

[BonerSibary]

They're not handsome. They never are, because the standard of proof that the 'if you can stick to one you can stick to none' brigade want for wine simply doesn't exist for food. That sort of person is basically saying women shouldn't drink alcohol during pregnancy in any quantity during pregnancy unless there's irrefutable evidence of no harm from this particular quantity, but will happily consume other things for which that standard of evidence doesn't exist. Which is, everything. Because there's pretty much nothing you can eat or drink that won't be harmful for you in some quantities. Even water! And yet we don't have, because nobody would think to demand, boatloads of research on the level of safe consumption of, say, bananas, and nobody mouths off about how you should just go without for 9 months because we can't be certain. If you applied that standard of proof to everything you put in your mouth during pregnancy, you'd starve.

[runningincircles12]

Yeah, I agree with some of the previous pps. It's not that such a small amount would cause damage or that you're selfish or whatever. It's that you bought it because you were feeling anxious and as your boyfriend thinks, it's a slippery slope. You could drink it today, then feel anxious tomorrow and the next day etc. Also, I find that alcohol makes anxiety and depression worse, especially the next day, so that might then tempt you into having another.
Have you tried yoga? There are really good videos on Youtube (try yoga with Adriene) that can help with anxiety. Make sure you do ones that are specially preggo-yoga because your joints will be too flexible for normal kind and you could injure yourself. Could you also try swimming and/or walking? Exercise genuinely helps, often more than anti-depressants.
You can also get self-help books on CBT to do before your sessions start. The NHS recommends a book called Overcoming Anxiety: www.overcoming.co.uk/single.htm?ipg=5082
It will probably be in your local library or you can download it as an ebook. If you do the books, you can use the CBT sessions to work on the stuff that is still there and hopefully you will get more out of the sessions.

[Makeupbabes]

Thank you for all your replies. I really appreciate it. I have had a bit of a history with liking my wine too much so I think in my boyfriends defence he just thought it's a slippery slope & that's why he freaked out the way he did. I definitely used to use alcohol to help ease my anxiety which worked temporarily but I'd just feel even worse the next day & it was a terrible vicious circle. I'm overweight & pretty much put that down to drinking wine & then snacking on rubbish when I used to drink, so I wasn't helping myself there either. Luckily before I knew I was pregnant I was doing slimming world & lost a stone & dropped my drinking dramatically whilst doing that, so I was so relieved when I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant that I hadn't been drinking heavily. Phew! Hopefully I will hear back from the CBT soon they said that usually the waiting list is 20 weeks but as I'm pregnant I get moved up to priority, so I'm guessing around 10 weeks maybe hopefully sooner. Also I used to be on Sertraline & stopped taking that when I found out I was pregnant, I've also been advised to take aspirin because of my high bmi, so I don't want to take Sertraline as together with aspirin can cause heavy bleeding, which I definitely don't want when giving birth. Thank you for all your replies again x

[HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom]

Humph I agree with you!

Often I wonder if those who are so unequivocal moralistic about the dangers of a little wine in pregnancy are as strict when it comes to food. For example listeriosis is rare, but the consequences in pregnancy can be devastating. A little brie is "cheeky", despite the fact that if you were to contract listeriosis the prognosis is pretty darn serious and it could kill your baby. One glass of wine absolutely will not.

[HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom]

My understanding is that there is no advised safe level of alcohol in pregnancy because it would be unethical to test it, not because one glass of wine is going to cause terrible damage. If that makes sense.

Also, women aren't trusted to moderate their consumption, so a zero tolerance approach is adopted by some experts.

Almost all of us drank a bit years ago, and did so totally misunderstanding what a unit looked like so unwittingly exceeded the guidelines as they were back then. I'm not saying that's good, or that it never did anyone any harm, but as Lii says what women are told now doesn't reflect our real life experiences.

[HumphreyCobblers]

Your DH is patronising and rude.

I agree that drinking alcohol to relieve anxiety is not ideal, but no need to speak to you as if you are a child. I am surprised that the majority of posters don't agree with me tbh, being pg is not a reason for people around you to take away your autonomy.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Just been googling and tbh the more I read about alcohol in pregnancy, the more annoyed I become! The DoH says the 'safest approach is to avoid alcohol altogether'. The Royal College of Obstetricians has the 'no more than one or two units once or twice a week' advice. The Alcohol Guidelines Review report to chief medical officers (Jan 16) is even more confusing and admits there is a lack of scientific evidence to support either approach. As with most things in life I would think it comes down to common sense and moderation. There are hundreds of thousands of people in their 30s whose mothers drank more than the current guidelines during pregnancy because there were no guidelines back then, but who have not been affected. I'm not aware of an increased level of fetal alcohol syndrome among 30-somethings compared to children born since guidelines were produced and reviewed.

[Liiinooo]

Boozy weekend

[Liiinooo]

The U.K/North American approach to alcohol in pregnancy is ridiculous. It is not grounded in common sense or experience. Pregnant women have drunk alcohol in moderation throughout history (and still do in much of Europe) and the streets were not thronged with victims of FAS. I am sure that many of us know women who have had a wild night out or boost weekend before finding out they were pregnant (my dear SIL for one) and spend the next 7-8 months consumed by worry only to give birth to perfect babies.


Having a glass of wine will not harm your child but the fact you are so very anxious you felt the need to self medicate with wine is troubling. Do you have a history of comforting through drink? Was your boyfriend worried that one small glass would trigger cravings for more and more perhaps leading to you drinking an amount that might be harmful. That might explain his seemingly over the top reaction.

I hope your CBT starts soon and helps you get to grips with what is going on for you enabling you to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy without undue worry or guilt.

[GinaBambino]

I've had 2 glasses of wine in my pregnancy both 'watered' down with so much lemonade there was no point having the wine.

It isn't good to have alcohol to get over anxiety but I'm sure op knows that.

Good luck in the rest of your pregnancy Op!

[BonerSibary]

Your DPs behaviour was disgusting and inexcusable. It is worrying that so many posters fail to comprehend this. While I agree your anxiety is a potentially important issue, a bullying partner needs addressing even more urgently.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

The advice isn't to avoid alcohol altogether in pregnancy. The advice is now to avoid it completely during the first trimester and after that no more than one or two units once or twice a week. There is so much hand wringing misinformation about alcohol in pregnancy.

Op, one unit is an old style small glass of wine, not today's pub measures - about 125ml. I too am pregnant (14 weeks). I will be having a small white wine spritzer occasionally. I didn't feel like it during my first trimester anyway, but do now. Many women choose not to drink at all, fine. But if you choose to drink then these are guidelines.

As others have said, the only thing of concern in your situation is the self medication aspect. Good luck.

[Vickyyyy]

I think it will become a bit like the old advice to drink Guiness because of the iron.

--

I was told to do this. And this was only 4 years back. I became severely aneamic and they wanted me to both take supplements and get as much iron into my diet as possible. Guinness was advised (among stuff like brocoli/meat) but I hate the stuff anyway.

[JustHappy3]

I don't think the 1 glass of wine a week is ok advice is correct. No it won't give the child FAS but it COULD cause damage. You just don't know for sure when it's safe and when it's not. That's why the guidance is NO alcohol. I think it will become a bit like the old advice to drink Guiness because of the iron. I do agree that people should make their own minds up but do so with the facts under therir fingertips not opinions.

[AnotherTimeMaybe]

Current recommendation is to avoid alcohol
Talk to your GP if you're feeling streesed

[Vickyyyy]

My midwife told me alcohol is ok as long as its not often or a lot. I had a major issue of craving blue wkd...it was horrendous. Thats the only reason I spoke to the midwife about it..I'm not a big drinker any other time

[Miffyandme]

It's the fact that you seem like you've bought the wine to help with your anxiety which is the most concern. What if you have it and it temporarily makes the anxiety feel better then you drink more and more.....
Or what if you have it and then feel even more anxious because you have drunk alcohol - from what I see on some threads this can cause high levels of anxiety.....

[Onlyicanclean10]

Well exactly Rowanhart

If you just fancied a glass op then that's fine every now and again while pregnant but not to stave off anxieties. That's a slippery slope.

And what's with all the allowed bollocks? In Britain thank god it's just advice not the law that governs pregnant women's actions.

[Rowanhart]

Hubby would have got marching orders if tried to comment on anything I consumed ever, pregnant or not.

That's because I'm an autonomous adult and not his property just because I happen to be pregnant, or not.

Luckily married a bloke who appreciates that.

[BennyTheBall]

Like others have said, one small glass won't do the baby any harm.

But I would be more worried about using it to address anxiety.

[MrsSpecter]

But its not just her body is it Pearlman. In pregnancy you are hosting your child's body.

Yes it is her body. the law agrees It is her body. The fetus is a part of her body.

[maggiethemagpie]

But its not just her body is it Pearlman. In pregnancy you are hosting your child's body. I was acutely aware of that throughout my pregnancies and stuck to the rules which then were 1-2 units 1-2 times a week but only after the first trimester (when the initial development of organs has taken place)