AIBU.. Mother REFUSING to change her son's Nappy.

[CraigN24]

Would just like to start off and say I am. Full time daddy to a beautiful 7 year old little boy who has a wide range of learning difficulties and that his birth mother can only see him if she is supervised!

Today I am Best man at my very good friends Wedding and the plan is to go to the church for the wedding then go to celebrate with a few drinks. My son will only attend the Church service.

My son will not be going to the party after because struggle with lots of people( 300 people going to the party!) and it will be very late and loud. The plan is to leave him at home with his mother and Auntie ( so he will be supervised) so I can go and celebrate and give speeches etc. This is my first night out this year and I have been looking forwarding to celebrating with my best friend... HOWEVER his birth Mother has got in contact to say if he needs his nappy changing she will NOT change it because she cannot stomach nappies and poo and wee!

AIBU to think tough?! It's her son and she is lucky to be able to see him ( she has only just came into his life after not wanting him due to her life choices consisting of drink - she is now clean) This means that if he needs changing I will need to come away from the party to change him or his Auntie will need to do it..

I don't plan to return home until tomorrow so it's likely he will do a poo and will need changing in the morning ! Before hand she didn't mention the nappies and has just mentioned it ( before hand she hasn't needed to change him)

This is the only night I can properly let my hair down and enjoy a drink but I got a feeling it won't happen because of her not taking her role seriously!

[x2boys]

me to Robbo ,sorry your going through this op its hard caring for a child with disabillities i,m not a lone parent though .

[HeartsofOak]

That sounds like a very hard set up for you Craig

AS long as you're sure the aunt will step in for any of the mother's failues then I think you should be able to relax.

Your ex sounds like a total loser.

[PotteringAlong]

Why do you need to come away from the party? The aunt is there to supervise, she will do nappies. If she won't they both can't be trusted and you don't go.

[PPie10]

Wow what a pathetic excuse of a mother she is!!

Yanbu, what does she do all the other times when no one is around to change it? Horrid woman.

[Vixyboo]

Per chance do you love in SE England?

I ask because I do and can put you on touch with the organisation I work for who support people with additional needs.

[Vixyboo]

• live

[BoomBoomsCousin]

Your ex sounds like a waste of space in the parenting department. But if she can't see her own child without supervision, it's not entirely surprising. You don't supervise people who are perfectly capable of looking after their children. Surely the Aunty is prepared for this? She knows why she's there doesn't she? She's surely willing to take over care completely? If not, you probably need someone else to supervise, though appreciate that's not what you want to hear at this point.

Please just check that she is and then go out and have a good time. You need to relax and have some fun.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

Craig

If you don't already know the Auntie would just do this without a thought, then she's not suitable to be supervising visits.

What did you do re babysitting/respite care before she was back on the scene?

If it was me, I'd find out about respite care & babysitters able to look after children with additional needs and use those when you need someone you can trust.

I wouldn't let his birth mother near him unless I was present at all times, unless I had someone from my family or friends there that I trusted 100% to look after him as I would.

[ProudAS]

I retch at the sight of poo but wouldn't leave my nephew in a dirty nappy and it doesn't sound like your DS's aunt would either.

As for his mum, there is clearly something more than simply refusing to change him going on. The fact that she can't be alone with him sets the alarm bells going.

[AuditAngel]

I'm an auntie and would do whatever my nieces and nephews needed (although I would be praying for no vomit).

Ask the auntie, hopefully you can have a lovely night out, you sound like you deserve it.

[Robbo78]

Thanks Rosie. I just feel sorry for craig having to worry about his son being changed, he deserves to have one bloody night away. I really hope his sons auntie will assure him. I guess what i was trying to say was no matter whether his sons mother is a bitch or not is just the way it is, sounds like she isnt yet sober of mind. If i had said to dxh i will have my son but might not be able to bath him change him e.t.c i just wouldn't be allowed to have him end of.

[PegsPigs]

A mother who cannot attend to her son's basic needs should not be in charge of him. No one likes changing pooey nappies but the consequences of putting your own needs above your child's are that your child would suffer the pain and discomfort of nappy rash; probably severely at that age.

YANBU.

[HackerFucker22]

Is the aunt your sister or her sister Craig?

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

One of them will just do it surely? It's one thing in the abstract, but if you are confronted with a child in a full nappy, and there is no-one else to do it, you'll do it ,right? Unless the pair of them are complete cunts, in which case I presume you wouldn't be leaving the child with them anyway, they will just do it.

[igglepiggleisanarsehole]

This is nothing short of neglect and I'd tell her so. She needs to stop being so fucking precious and act like his mum.

[Damselindestress]

Of course she is BU but it has already been established that she is incapable of meeting the child's needs, that is why she only has supervised contact. Check that the auntie is able to handle nappy changes and if she's not see if someone else will supervise. If I was supervising someone who couldn't cope with a child alone I would expect to also be helping with some of the childcare. I hope it works out and you are able to enjoy a well deserved night off, it all sounds very stressful.

[ReallyTired]

I am shocked that a mother would not change her son's nappy. I am shocked that social services or a judge have allowed contact with someone who has that attitude.

I hope everything goes well and that you had a good night. If it turns out the both the auntie and birth mother refuse to change your son then it's important for social services to know the auntie is unfit to supervise contact.

[Roonerspism]

Oh this is so tough.

You of course aren't being reasonable. But I think you need respite care sorted if this aunt can't guarantee your son's care.

His mother shouldn't get any access if she is so utterly callous as to be happy to leave her son sitting in a dirty nappy.

[joannee78]

First of all I have to congratulate you on being an amazing dad- just reading what you have written about yourself and your situation tells me the kind of person you are. Well done! Secondly, your child's mother is being unreasonable and difficult, most likely just to get at you. Try not to let her do this. She can ask the auntie to change your son if he needs it- of course you should be allowed to let your hair down and enjoy your evening with a drink or two without having to rush off to do what your sons mother should be doing. She sounds like a very sad excuse for a mother and I feel for you and your son. Please be firm and explain she can ask the aunt to do this if she can't stomach changing a nappy- something you've obviously been doing yourself for years. Enjoy your night out- you definitely deserve it!!

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

First of all I have to congratulate you on being an amazing dad- just reading what you have written about yourself and your situation tells me the kind of person you are

Does he get a medal for parenting just because he has a penis? Countless women are lone parents in this situation, I bet they wouldn't get a patronising well done you post

[NeedACleverNN]

I think joanee was saying well done for coping with a disabled child and would say the same thing to a man or woman

No need to be so defensive because someone dared to say well done to a man

[honkinghaddock]

I think some people are being overly optimistic about the amount of professional respite that is out there, particularly for a child as young as 6. Around here you might get 2 hours a week and there is nothing for late evening or overnight until your child is much older and has very severe needs. Some people in some areas may get more than this but there is little to be had in other areas even for those with several severely disabled children.

[ChicRock]

It's a very gentle YABU from me.

This is probably a small part of the many reasons why the birth mother has to have supervised visits.

Your aunt will have to change his nappy, or you'll have to leave and do it yourself.

[EponasWildDaughter]

I wonder what happened last night in the end.

Hope the Auntie stepped up and both the OP and his son enjoyed their evening.