Aibu to expect party guests not to bring uninvited friends?

[Mummyme1987]

Aibu? I haven't thrown a party for an adult for many years. So I'm not sure what is the norm now. So invited 100 odd guests 60 rsvped, the rest didn't even bother. Tried Facebook event thing so all they had to do is click a button, still most didn't bother. I think that's very rude, but is this the way of things now? Also had two guests turn up with someone we didn't know, that also wasn't their partner (they had their partner and kids there). One didn't even come at the same time as the invited guest. Just walked in an hour later. I was a bit . I am so out of date but in my party days you replied and didn't invite guests yourself. I asked the person whose party it was if they knew who it was, they didn't, they went over and they got introduced. I wanted to ask them to leave but my dh said leave it. About 10 people just turned up without rsvping. Am I just a dinosaur? Or am I right to think it's rude?

[Mummyme1987]

Last party I threw was 11 years ago, might leave it that long again!

[Mummyme1987]

I'm not sure why it's upset me as much as it has. It was a stress doing the party, i ended up in a & e on Friday with my dd so it was stress all round. I don't think I'll bother doing parties again. I'm obviously too sensitive.

[Mummyme1987]

I probably wouldn't be as upset if I hadn't had to pay for them. One of the people who brought a friend is one of the people that doesn't have Facebook (older person), so only had a paper invitation asking for rsvping. Although I didn't say on it it was catered I did ask for allergies or veggies to let me know. I'm just going to have to suck it up and come to the conclusion that some people are rude.

[Jackie0]

That would drive me batty!
Very rude IMO and people are just becoming more selfish in general.
I've really scaled back on entertaining big groups , small is the way to go

[whois]

Not RSVPing and turnign up is a bit annoying but nicer to se them than to now probably. YOu have to relay chase people up -"I'm going the food order next week so pelase RSVP" "Food is ordered per head and I'm doing the food order in 3 days, please RSVP" "Doing the food order tomorrow, last chance to RSVP people, love to see you there"

Bringing random friends without asking = strange. I'd be annoyed.

[SilverBirchWithout]

Oh sorry, I didn't realise his was one of those AIBUs where the OP is not really wondering whether they are being unreasonable feeling peeved.

You can think whatever you like, that is your prerogative. However I still maintain that by creating a FB invite, it created the impression that people could bring friends if they wished. I'm currently invited to 3 or 4 FB events and looking closely at all of them it still feels to me that the invitation could extend to other family or friends if I so wished.

[Givenuponstarbucks]

You can't stress about this. It's just what happens. We've had a few parties...been to a few...and just have to estimate numbers. People are unreliable in large numbers! Even the ones that RSVP yes may not appear.

Plus I always say the more the merrier. The unexpected guests took the place of the no shows :-) It is a bit rude not to check that could bring someone but if you didn't state it was catered they probably just thought it was a few drinks in a bar.

[Mummyme1987]

We just used the fb to try to remind people to rsvp

[Mummyme1987]

They all had paper posted invites too. So very formal.

[Mummyme1987]

You couldn't even share it as it can only be seen my the named invited guests. I'm glad that I'm not the only one that thinks it is rude. Not Mexican house rude but at the low end of the scale. I think rsvping has had its day now sadly.

[SilverBirchWithout]

I think FB events are like a general information sharing of an event that's happening, why not come along? Not a formal thing IMO. People just usually decide on the day whether they are going.

[Mummyme1987]

we didn't announce it on Facebook on our profiles, it was a private event that only the invited people could see. If we had publi ally announced it on fb then it would have been expected that unwanted would turn up. But that's not what happened.

[Mummyme1987]

Involves my kids. Tired fingers.

[Iflyaway]

Yes, rude. But you shouldn't have announced it on Facebook...

Like Angela Merkel... everyone will turn up.

[Mummyme1987]

Do people turn up at weddings univited too I wonder? I'm not going to throw another party for quite sometime, well unless it involve my kids.

[Mummyme1987]

I wouldn't have the brass neck to do that at a strangers party.

[Mummyme1987]

Yes we did enjoy the party just annoyed I had to pay out for strangers! They didn't even buy us a drink!

[BillSykesDog]

That's rude. They could have had the decency to phone and ask. But as long as the party went well I wouldn't worry too much.

[Mummyme1987]

We did proper paper and send invites, then we messenger people then we did a Facebook event page with invites. So three invites each really, though not all guests are on fb.

[BillSykesDog]

Facebook invites are a terrible way of inviting people. Firstly, people don't really know that you are actually inviting them personally, they may well just think that you're spamming everyone on your friend list. They might well think they've had the invite but you don't actually particularly want them there, you've just sent it out to everyone, and you would be a bit if they actually turned up.

Secondly, it does give the impression that it's a bit of a free for all, again because a lot of people will just assume that you've sent it out to your whole friend list and it's a come one come all type event. FB gives more of the impression of the type of less formal thing that extras can be added to.

Much better IMO to have a formal personalised invite posted, with a note that a FB thing is to follow.

Still, I hope you had a nice party, and if you did, really not worth worrying about. Unless one of the uninvited guests trashed your house or nicked your silver.

[BeckyWithTheMediocreHair]

They were rude, but Facebook invitations have become so ubiquitous that it's quite a casual way to issue invitations.

I posted proper invitations for a recent milestone birthday and for DD's baptism and got a good return of accurate RSVPs. Personalised email and services like paperless post are also helpful because they convey a sense of 'reality' to guests. I am invited to all sorts of events via Facebook. They are often scattergun in their approach (there is a button to allow you to invite all of your friends in one click) and consequentially I'm afraid that I pay them less regard than personalised invitations.

[Mummyme1987]

I had a list of all invited people and the gatecrashers were both over 40!
If it had been a teen party then all bets would have been off!

[Mummyme1987]

No was a milestone with a 0 on the end party.

[Tartyflette]

Was the person for whom the party was held an older teenager or young adult, OP? Because if so i think all bets are off!

[Mummyme1987]

I was busy getting my dd sorted with food, etc. So to start with I wasn't sure. But I asked the party person about it , and they went over to investigate as the person who just walked in could have been a gatecrasher.