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AIBU?

Is it me, or should this dinner lady be in a bit of trouble? Or am I just being over sensitive of DD?

176 replies

MilliesCookies1 · 08/05/2016 15:41

Using my sister's account (due to a technical reason) and I have already emailed HQ, so this is about my daughter, but her niece.

Anyway... DD is 10, year 5. She has been having some friendship problems. Her best friend has 2 other best friends. She fell out with her best friend as she wouldn't let my DD play this game with them. I said that making up would be the best as they have been friends for years. She went over to their lunch table, her best friend was sitting with her other 2 best friends; she asked if she could sit with them and they all said no and one girl was laughing at my DD (one of the best friends of her best friends) and my DD called her a bitch, I know that was completely unacceptable and I have told my DD about appropriate language now, she has had a punishment for that. However, the mother of the girl who she called a bitch, is a dinner lady/mid-day assistant. She came over and her DD told her that my DD had just called her a bitch, she giggles and said "don't worry girls, I think she's one" and all the girls laughed at my DD. I did ask for a meeting, as I don't think that was particularly fair of the dinner lady, I get my DD should have been told off for saying bitch, but I don't think the mother, who's a dinner lady should start implying my DD is too. They all admitted (even the dinner lady) that she had said everything my DD had claimed she had said. The head teacher looks at me and goes "there you go!" and that was it... No apology (my daughter had to apologise to the other girl) and nothing more was done... AIBU to think that isn't particularly fair? Or AIBU?

OP posts:

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FullTimeOfTwo · 12/05/2016 15:45

How's it going OP?

TransvisionTramp · 12/05/2016 10:57

I've been thinking a lot about this.Any update OP?

MotherOfDragons27 · 11/05/2016 13:29

WTF are people STILL defending the dinner lady?? SHE ADMITTED TO CALLING OP'S DAUGHTER A BITCH!! What is so hard to understand about that?!

OP I would agree with the poster who suggested going straight to the governors now - it's clear you won't get any apologies from the HT, and this definitely needs to go further. Good luck.

Willow2016 · 10/05/2016 20:29

Pambilaga1608 are you trying to say that in a school 10 year olds have never heard 'bitch' being used? Seriously? I have heard a lot worse than that in a primary school, doesnt mean that the op uses it.

TBH the girl was right they were being bitches, if you dont want to be called one dont act like one.

Why not concentrate on the fact that an adult 'supervisor' joined forces with a couple of bitchy girls and turned on the girl they were bullying?

Willow2016 · 10/05/2016 20:17

MsHoolie

^I misread this at first, thought she was calling your daughter a bitch... but she was actually saying she agrees with your daughter that her own daughter is a bitch?
(Sounds like she is one, nasty mean girl)
Hmm.
I bet it defused the situation, put her daughter in her place for sure.
But did it make your daughter's situation better or worse? ^

Sorry to quote you alone but there are so many people on this thread who havent read it through and have got it wrong.

Dinner lady sided with her own daughter and her nasty friends and called ops daughter a bitch.
Dinner lady ADMITTED this to op and head teacher!
OPs daughter was made to apologise yet head teacher just shrugged of the dinner ladys admission as basically 'so what can you do'?

OP definately chase this up and ask for a full apology. No matter what anyone says its possible to get one. I got one from a head teacher about the way they spoke to my son, I hate confrontation but I wasnt having that! (I pretty much know they were just doing it as they bloody well had to but it still felt good to have them say it in front of everyone at a meeting )

Shattered2013 · 10/05/2016 18:18

Shame the mother / dinner lady couldn't help these girls resolve their differences instead of joining in with the girls who were obviously singling your daughter out - no I don't like kids using language like that either but to be fair the other girls do sound like they were being bitchy ! So in all fairness your daughter was stating a fact !
The dinner lady mother sounds like a biased bitch - should be reminded by her boss to remain professional at all times whether her daughter involved or not ?? Kids need support and guidance with social problems not a grown up adding to it - hope your daughter can rise above it and ignore them and make some new friends X I say fair play to her for standing up for herself initially X

123lekl · 10/05/2016 16:44

FFS

123lekl · 10/05/2016 16:43

How come your daughter uses this language at her age? Maybe you use it at times and she feels it's ok to use it.

.....and let's unnecessarily judge the OP's parenting with absolutely no evidence

Hecegoza · 10/05/2016 13:47

YADNBU...

Completely out of order! What a shit HT.

I hope your DD's friendship issues get sorted

Legendofthephoenix · 10/05/2016 09:48

Pambilaga1608 please tell me you don't work around children because I don't think you can read darling.

PrimalLass · 10/05/2016 07:51

How come your daughter uses this language at her age? Maybe you use it at times and she feels it's ok to use it.

Because she is 10. If you think that 10-year-olds don't swear to each other then you are naive.

Pambilaga1608 · 09/05/2016 19:14

I think it's dreadful that a grown woman can use this language towards a child. How come your daughter uses this language at her age? Maybe you use it at times and she feels it's ok to use it. The school has not dealt with it in the correct manor and seem to want to brush it under the carpet. If it still bothers you or your daughter then ask for a meeting with the head to express your dissatisfaction with how it was settled.

betsyderek · 09/05/2016 19:01

I thought adults in positions of trust abusing their position was generally frowned upon since about 1988? This is not acceptable. I'm quite shocked at the "she can dish it out but not take it" comments.

gabbyevs · 09/05/2016 18:52

absolutely out of order and even thoug it was a long time ago something similar happened to e

girl called me annoying teacher agred with her

Previouslurker · 09/05/2016 18:05

YANBU

I would agree with others and write straight to the governors.

I would also take this opportunity to teach your daughter that not everyone is worthy of her friendship. Time to wipe this girl and her mother out of her circle I would say.

Hope you get some resolution and definitely agree an apology would be nice, but from the sound of it might not occur.

HidingUnderARock · 09/05/2016 17:00

So the school is modelling to the kids there that its ok for adults to call 10 year old girls bitches to their faces in front of their peers, and this view goes right up to the head teacher.

Does your school have a board of governors? Whoever the HT reports to should be your next contact on this.

The adult concerned needs to explicitly apologise for her behaviour to your daughter, in front of everyone who witnessed the incident. The school needs to address the entire school (probs adults separately from kids) on the subject of what is inappropriate language from anybody, since there is a high likelihood that this incident has gone round the whole year, or even school.

Seriously YNBU

FullTimeOfTwo · 09/05/2016 15:33

Well said LagunaBubbles! That is a sentence that could only have been written by the type of person that joins in the bullying of a 10 year old and imply's she is a bitch.

minipie · 09/05/2016 15:27

In front of her daughter.

minipie · 09/05/2016 15:26

But the girls who were unkind have no ounishment and the ADULT who chose to make the implications about your DD don't get any consequence

This. Your daughter had to apologise but the other girls and the ADULT didn't? What kind of a message does that send? Unbelievable.

Yes, I'd be taking this further. You would be absolutely right to ask that the dinner lady apologises to your DD.

LagunaBubbles · 09/05/2016 15:06

If your DD can dish it out, she needs to learn to take it!

One of the worst things Ive read here in a long time - a 10 year old child is learning and has been reprimanded and her behaviour has been dealt with by her Mum. The other person is not only an adult but an employee of the school. Are you saying children at school whose behaviour is not always appropriate have to "learn" to be treated the same by the adult employees of the school? really? Firstly it is totally unprofessional and what would this actually teach a child?

Baconyum · 09/05/2016 14:53

And the dinner lady admitted this

Baconyum · 09/05/2016 14:53

Mshoolie and others

Op has clarified as have I and pp's the dinner lady referred to OP'S DAUGHTER as a bitch AND encouraged the girls to laugh at ops daughter encouraging the bullying.

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Michellelovesizzy · 09/05/2016 13:46

I think if this woman wasent a dinner lady and just a parent it might be different! when u work in a role like that u have a duty of care to the children! If this school let there dinner lady's talk to the kids like that would it also be ok 4 a teacher to that 2

Legendofthephoenix · 09/05/2016 13:39

Then the dinner lady daughter laughed at her. Don't sound very nice but I do despair with schools these days. I wonder if they are getting better or worse.

Michellelovesizzy · 09/05/2016 13:37

Aww this is really upsetting! The woman should not have acted like that! Ur daughter is a child and has just been rejected by her friend! it's one thing for a child to call some one a bitch its anther for an adult to call a child a bitch she should not be working with kids! Sorry but there would be all hell to pay at the school if the dinner lady called my daughter a bitch

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