Aibu... To change me ds school. On here for traffic

[Pocketrocket31]

It's a long 1 sorry, but don't want to drip feed and really need some opinions/advice for meeting with chair of governors tomorrow

Son had autism, has been at this school for 18 mths following a move. He's in year 4. There have been many issues and trips to head teacher in the past school year, incidentally year 3 was great. almost with out fault. But I want to concentrate on the bullying.

Ds has asthma and in winter has a scarf/snud on to help. A boy and 3 of the boys from the year above started to bully him. Pretty low level at first, telling him he wasn't gangsta enough for a snud... Then started calling him spaz, retarded midget... Pushing and shoving. They had a warning. Then they all physically attacket him and strangled him with said snud/scarfs.

Written reports ect ect, head teacher told me and my son in a meeting that the boy (main boy) was on his last warning. His parents were being called in. She promised it would never happen again or he'd be excluded "we don't have nasty children in our school"

He kept his distance, odd name calling. Fast forward 4mths

My ds and 3 of his friends were playing on the field when the other boy and his same friends from the last incident came. Called him a retarded midget, penned him in and started to assault him. Kicking. Punching. Kicking him in privates. Chucking him to floor, braking his glasses. 2 of them holding him whilst the others tucked his legs behind his head (folded him up) kicked him down a hill. Chased him down and assaulted him again when he tried to escape. 1 girl tried to stop all this happening and got a bang to head. Finally a older boy stopped this and took him to a dinner lady. (My son says this went on for over 10 minutes)

My son had to stand with dinner lady until the end of play time.

I'm not 100% sure what happened in the next two hours.


But I was at school for a Sen meeting that finished at 2.30. I asked the receptionist if I could take my ds home half hour early as I was already there. She rang down to his classroom and she relayed a message "there has been a incident at lunch time, if you want Mrs (Dp head teacher) to investigate it today he'll have to stay.

Whilst I was outside my ds had to give a statement, then sit in a room with all these boys. Was made to say sorry

So I sat out side in the car... Picked ds up as normal but a girl came over to me and said my ds had been beaten up. The head had left so I said I'd be in to see her the next day. A voice mail came through a little later, but thy had been left when I was parked outside school, saying they'd been playing ruff, boys will be boys ect ect.

All night my son is drip feeding me info on the attack, 2 other parents of children who's seen it called me to check ds was ok.

Son went on school trip Tuesday, I went to see dep head, she said, she'd forgotten it had happened before, she can't keep track of everything she has 100s of these conversations with parents. She needs to look at paperwork. She was treating it as a 1 of, I said my son wouldn't be in school until this boy had been excluded.

So today, I've spoke to the mp, who has spoken to the chair of governors who called me & we're having a meeting at 3 tomorrow. What shall I expect?

My sons class teacher has also called me today, asking if I'll bring ds tomorrow as having a exciting day, also slipping in there that I'm overprotective, that other boy wouldn't do this that and the other for no reason, 2 sides to every story ect.. that ds would be safe at school

Opinions, advice welcome and needed

[Pocketrocket31]

His gp?

[wheresthel1ght]

Yeah the bruises etc and his mental state as a result.

You are going to need to fight hard to get justice for your son. He is innocent but the other parents will fight hard to keep their kid in the school too. You need to gather as much evidence as you possibly can to back up your son. And if you do go to the cops you will need medical evidence.

[AnotherStitchInTime]

Just to add to advice that has already been given.

Do not attend the meeting alone. Take a friend and get friend to take notes.

Absolutely disgraceful handling of the situation by the school. You must complain in writing following the complaints procedure for the school and escalate to the Local Education Authority and Ofsted if necessary. I would also involve the Police.

[Pocketrocket31]

Oh yes, I didn't even think of going to the doctors :/
I'm hoping some1 from the parent partnership will come to the meeting

[CodyKing]

You are allowed a friend - someone dressed as a solicitor would be good!!

[wheresthel1ght]

Just a thought if you check this before your meeting...

If the school aren't sending work home for your ds then make sure that gets raised and that they agree to sort it out and send work home until either a resolution is reached and he can return to school or an alternative placement can be found for him.

[wheresthel1ght]

How did you get on?

[Pocketrocket31]

I went to the meeting, the chair, me and the receptionist (taking notes)

I took along my letter of complaints. I explained everything, took some notes in with me, advice from every1 on here (can't thank you all enough)

my ds's attendance was his main concern. He wants me to take my son to look around the other school in the federation, with a view to him attending there while this is resolved.

He said the dep head was off sick as a result of me telling her she can't do her job correctly.

He tried to resolve the issue there and then and was not happy I had a letter of complaints I wanted him to accept and sign and date my copy. He didn't take the letter but wants to meet with me on Tuesday to take accept the letter there??

Was so stressful tbh

[Pocketrocket31]

I did say all of the obove in the meeting... He said no room in year 5 for the other boys in the other school.
My son is mostly happy at that school and I made a big point on how much he struggles socially... Legally I don't know what to do. The chair of governor is a magistrate and says I will be prosecuted if he doesn't go to school

[WombatStewForTea]

Bloody hell. I'm a teacher I honestly can't believe that the school are so incompetent and that they aren't taking it seriously. I'm assuming no other witnesses saw other than the children you've mentioned? No members of staff? Don't be fobbed off by the chair of governors. What's the deal with the head teacher are they around? Next time you meet take anyone you can with you and ask them to take notes of the conversation and sign and date at the end. The emphasis needs to be on how the school will safeguard your ds. Shocking behaviour!

[Mistigri]

It's quite shocking that the head refused to accept your written letter. It's not up to him to refuse. I would email your letter along with any supporting evidence and copy it to the appropriate people - governors and LEA in the first instance.

As described in your OP, this attack seems to me to have gone beyond what I'd describe as "bullying" and into the realms of assault. An attack of this sort on an adult, or on a child in any setting outside of a school, would almost certainly result in the police being called, surely?

[Pocketrocket31]

It wasn't the head who refused the letter it was the chair of governors.

I'm also disgusted. I've told the chair I will be making this a official complaint.

There was some1 taking notes I also recorded the meeting (to write up my own transcript)

[Pocketrocket31]

The chair basically said "the other school less ruff, would be more suited to my ds" even went as far as whispering for me to trust him the other school is better when the receptionist left the room

[phlebasconsidered]

Is this an academy or LEA school? If LEA i'd be going straight to the authority and cc'ing in all correspondence. Does your son have a care plan at school or through CAHMS? Get all the people who support your son on board. Is there a family worker who can support you? I would also ring the home schooling unit if LEA, and state firmly the reason why you are doing this and ask for support. As a LEA school, the LEA are ultimately responsible and should give you support.

If it's an academy, i'm afraid they'll do nothing. My experience, as a teacher, of academies is that they'll just brush it off and force you to move. They really are a law unto themselves. The way they treat SEN children is shocking. My heart goes out to you.

[WombatStewForTea]

Even if there was someone there you really need someone as another witness in your meetings with school. Not to interfere just to listen and make notes (although I guess recording it is just as good) as I've known heads act differently when there's someone else there.

[PegsPigs]

Your DS should not have to move schools; the bullies should. If the school can't keep him safe you can by keeping him away from the bullies. If the perpetrator was on his last warning and there are witnesses why isn't he out on his ear?

[Pocketrocket31]

It's is a lea school, part of a federation. But plans are in place to change into a academy later this year.
I have emailed to safeguarding officer at council today, but no reply as yet.
No care plan, just 4 meetings a year about his Sen. They just moved him into the monitoring register.
I have have support before from parent partnership but that was about sen, I spoke with them again today and they couldn't attend meeting, but did send me some advice and links.

My main concern now is should I send him to the other school, will I make things worse if I refuse? Will I be in trouble for keeping him home? Will me sending him to the other school while this is getting sorted alter the outcome?

Thanks again every1

[RavioliOnToast]

Like shit would I be sending my school into that situation and I'd make sure the school knew it was down to them that he wouldn't be attending.

The wouldn't be okay going into work and being treated like that so why should your DS

[Pocketrocket31]

I totally agree! And I said that, its like punishing my ds, especially how he doesn't deal well in social situations ect etc, but he said and I quote " think of it like a new start for him, where no 1 will call him a deformed dwarf" I had never used those words in my letter or the meeting btw

[CwtchesAndCuddles]

The Chair of Governors is abusing his position, he should not be dealing with this in this manner, he should be following established complaints protocol. Bullying you with talk of prosecution is totally out of order, as is refusing to accept your written complaint.
From now on deal with the LA - the structure varies from one LA to another but there is usually a family / school liaison officer, if unsure then address the letter (use recorded delivery) to the Director of Education.

[apple1992]

My main concern now is should I send him to the other school, will I make things worse if I refuse? Will I be in trouble for keeping him home? Will me sending him to the other school while this is getting sorted alter the outcome?

I don't think you will make things worse if you refuse to move schools, although if you do have concerns, maybe a fresh start would be good, but it sounds like the change might be difficult for him.
You could be prosecuted for keeping him home. It would depend on whether the school adequately supported his return to school/dealing of incident. If you could prove they have handled it badly then you might be ok. Personally I wouldn't risk it. Speaking from experience and a similar matter, we didn't put pressure on the child returning to school but supported her move to another school (not a bullying incident/parents said school had been supportive). We wouldn't have wanted to challenge the parents as they were genuinely worried about the child's safety, and agreed best solution was a fresh start.

It might alter the outcome.
Realistically, how you feel about the other child shouldn't affect the outcome. You don't know the other child's circumstances and it is not easy to permanently exclude or force a school move.

[apple1992]

Just to add: whole situation sounds shocking

[wheresthel1ght]

Pocket you need to register this with Ofsted and the police now. They are clearly closing ranks and protecting their own arses. And as for the deputy head being off being your fault - what an absolute load of bollocks. If the stupid cow had done her job right your ds wouldn't have been attacked again!

[Sunshine87]

OP it sounds like the chair is trying to sweep you and your DS under the rug and making you "someone else's" problem. Especially whispering to you to take your DS to the other school. Fight your corner. Your DS should not be uprooted from his friends and class because these boys can't keep their hands to themselves. I would go as high up as possible and to the local papers. All these antibullying campaigns and this continues to go on. It's one thing to call names it's another for a gang of boys to take turns to physically assault someone a lot more smaller and more vulnerable than them.i hope you find a resolution soon OP.