Aibu... To change me ds school. On here for traffic

[Pocketrocket31]

It's a long 1 sorry, but don't want to drip feed and really need some opinions/advice for meeting with chair of governors tomorrow

Son had autism, has been at this school for 18 mths following a move. He's in year 4. There have been many issues and trips to head teacher in the past school year, incidentally year 3 was great. almost with out fault. But I want to concentrate on the bullying.

Ds has asthma and in winter has a scarf/snud on to help. A boy and 3 of the boys from the year above started to bully him. Pretty low level at first, telling him he wasn't gangsta enough for a snud... Then started calling him spaz, retarded midget... Pushing and shoving. They had a warning. Then they all physically attacket him and strangled him with said snud/scarfs.

Written reports ect ect, head teacher told me and my son in a meeting that the boy (main boy) was on his last warning. His parents were being called in. She promised it would never happen again or he'd be excluded "we don't have nasty children in our school"

He kept his distance, odd name calling. Fast forward 4mths

My ds and 3 of his friends were playing on the field when the other boy and his same friends from the last incident came. Called him a retarded midget, penned him in and started to assault him. Kicking. Punching. Kicking him in privates. Chucking him to floor, braking his glasses. 2 of them holding him whilst the others tucked his legs behind his head (folded him up) kicked him down a hill. Chased him down and assaulted him again when he tried to escape. 1 girl tried to stop all this happening and got a bang to head. Finally a older boy stopped this and took him to a dinner lady. (My son says this went on for over 10 minutes)

My son had to stand with dinner lady until the end of play time.

I'm not 100% sure what happened in the next two hours.


But I was at school for a Sen meeting that finished at 2.30. I asked the receptionist if I could take my ds home half hour early as I was already there. She rang down to his classroom and she relayed a message "there has been a incident at lunch time, if you want Mrs (Dp head teacher) to investigate it today he'll have to stay.

Whilst I was outside my ds had to give a statement, then sit in a room with all these boys. Was made to say sorry

So I sat out side in the car... Picked ds up as normal but a girl came over to me and said my ds had been beaten up. The head had left so I said I'd be in to see her the next day. A voice mail came through a little later, but thy had been left when I was parked outside school, saying they'd been playing ruff, boys will be boys ect ect.

All night my son is drip feeding me info on the attack, 2 other parents of children who's seen it called me to check ds was ok.

Son went on school trip Tuesday, I went to see dep head, she said, she'd forgotten it had happened before, she can't keep track of everything she has 100s of these conversations with parents. She needs to look at paperwork. She was treating it as a 1 of, I said my son wouldn't be in school until this boy had been excluded.

So today, I've spoke to the mp, who has spoken to the chair of governors who called me & we're having a meeting at 3 tomorrow. What shall I expect?

My sons class teacher has also called me today, asking if I'll bring ds tomorrow as having a exciting day, also slipping in there that I'm overprotective, that other boy wouldn't do this that and the other for no reason, 2 sides to every story ect.. that ds would be safe at school

Opinions, advice welcome and needed

[Pocketrocket31]

No I didn't realise

[LanaKane]

Did you realise you've named the other school in the federation in your last post? Hope you don't mind that I've reported it for you as there's lots of potentially identifying information on the thread

[Pocketrocket31]

Directly to department of education, every time I go onto the council website to find how to complain it links me to gov website :/ so confusing. but I did say in my complaint that school/governors refused letter and breeched policy, the mp isn't exactly being helpful either. Said they spoke with chair and why didn't I go to [name of school].
I have sent them email attachment of ds sons unfit for school note. The doctor was absolutely disgusted btw.

We've actually been to look at another local school too this afternoon, I know it isn't right or fair that my son has to move, its looking like that is going to happen, so the week sick note has bought me time to have a good look around schools at least .

I have also emailed a few newspapers, no reply as yet

[CwtchesAndCuddles]

You need to follow the school complaints policy - send letter to chair of govs c/o school (recorded).
Have you complained to your local council? (LA) or directly to gov dept for education. It's the LA you need to contact and state that the chair of govs refused to accept your letter of complaint.

[Pocketrocket31]

No strangely, as far as I know no 1 had ever called ds that... Was his interpretation maybe

[Stormtreader]

" " think of it like a new start for him, where no 1 will call him a deformed dwarf" I had never used those words in my letter or the meeting btw"

So, he'd already had those words reported to him by someone else? If so, then he should be fully aware that this was more than just a bit of "rough play".

[Pocketrocket31]

To update, I've complained to department for education, is this the LA??
I've emailed my mp, told him about the meeting yesterday.
My son has doc appointment this afternoon where I'll get him signed of sick and document bruises. In a view to buy more time, if a new school is what I have to do I don't want to be rushed into it, especially as my son is very anxious about the prospect of a new school.

Re.. The letter of complaints the chair wouldn't take yesterday, can I email it to him?? Would this count?

Sorry I'm just don't know all the rules and regulations around this

Thanks again

[leelu66]

I think you're absolutely doing the right thing. As pp said, please inform police and Ofsted. The school are going for the easy option and scapegoating your DS.

[MillionToOneChances]

I think you need to forward the letter to the school by registered mail, copying in the LA and making it clear that this was the letter the chair of governors refused to take from you at your meeting today. Outrageous!! Ofsted require you to have followed the school's complaints procedure before complaining direct to them, so check on the website it pop into school and wait for them to make you a copy. Then follow it to the letter as quickly as possible. www.gov.uk/complain-about-school/state-schools

If you take your son to his GP you can probably get him signed off for stress for a couple of weeks while you sort this out, as well as documenting his bruises. That would solve the attendance issue, but I completely understand why he doesn't want to change school. They just want him to change because it's easier for them. You and your son need to decide what's right for you. If you don't get a sick note I would speak to the LA attendance officer and explain that your son wants to keep his place at this school but cannot attend while the school cannot keep him safe. Making him say sorry for what he suffered is just appalling. They're not taking it seriously at all, just treating it as 'six of one, half a dozen of the other'

If you are resigned to him moving school there is always the option to deregister him and home educate, even if you only intend to do so until you find a better school. You can do this at any time. This would enable the school to wash their hands of him though, so keeping him on roll and holding them to account may be preferable. edyourself.org/articles/deregistration.php

[CodyKing]

Can you get DC a doctors note to buy you some time?

It's says in the antibullying policy the victim shouldn't be made to move - can you afford a solicitor?
Shame kids don't get free legal advice!!

[Pocketrocket31]

thanks every1,i got 4 minutes into typing up a hour long meeting and realised it is probably pointless, my time will be better spent righting up some emails to LA, I don't know If I mentioned in the first post about getting onto my mp,,, who told me to go back to him if I didn't get any joy with the chair, so looks like I shall be copying him in on the email too.
I just feel totally pressured into getting new school sorted asap, when what I really want is my sons school to sort this out so he can go back there, I just don't think its going to happen, its all so sad and unfair

[TheNotoriousPMT]

And I'm sorry I didn't rtft. Everything that has happened is disgraceful.

[TheNotoriousPMT]

Op I'm so sorry to you and your ds are going through this. Children with ASD are especially vulnerable to bullying and the school should have been well aware of that and taken steps to prevent it. They have failed in their duty of care to your ds. Where the hell were duty staff while this went on?
I would be tempted to report this to the police first thing tomorrow, tbh. For one thing, it will show the school you mean business when you see them in the afternoon.
Again, I'm so sorry this has happened.

[Sunshine87]

OP it sounds like the chair is trying to sweep you and your DS under the rug and making you "someone else's" problem. Especially whispering to you to take your DS to the other school. Fight your corner. Your DS should not be uprooted from his friends and class because these boys can't keep their hands to themselves. I would go as high up as possible and to the local papers. All these antibullying campaigns and this continues to go on. It's one thing to call names it's another for a gang of boys to take turns to physically assault someone a lot more smaller and more vulnerable than them.i hope you find a resolution soon OP.

[wheresthel1ght]

Pocket you need to register this with Ofsted and the police now. They are clearly closing ranks and protecting their own arses. And as for the deputy head being off being your fault - what an absolute load of bollocks. If the stupid cow had done her job right your ds wouldn't have been attacked again!

[apple1992]

Just to add: whole situation sounds shocking

[apple1992]

My main concern now is should I send him to the other school, will I make things worse if I refuse? Will I be in trouble for keeping him home? Will me sending him to the other school while this is getting sorted alter the outcome?

I don't think you will make things worse if you refuse to move schools, although if you do have concerns, maybe a fresh start would be good, but it sounds like the change might be difficult for him.
You could be prosecuted for keeping him home. It would depend on whether the school adequately supported his return to school/dealing of incident. If you could prove they have handled it badly then you might be ok. Personally I wouldn't risk it. Speaking from experience and a similar matter, we didn't put pressure on the child returning to school but supported her move to another school (not a bullying incident/parents said school had been supportive). We wouldn't have wanted to challenge the parents as they were genuinely worried about the child's safety, and agreed best solution was a fresh start.

It might alter the outcome.
Realistically, how you feel about the other child shouldn't affect the outcome. You don't know the other child's circumstances and it is not easy to permanently exclude or force a school move.

[CwtchesAndCuddles]

The Chair of Governors is abusing his position, he should not be dealing with this in this manner, he should be following established complaints protocol. Bullying you with talk of prosecution is totally out of order, as is refusing to accept your written complaint.
From now on deal with the LA - the structure varies from one LA to another but there is usually a family / school liaison officer, if unsure then address the letter (use recorded delivery) to the Director of Education.

[Pocketrocket31]

I totally agree! And I said that, its like punishing my ds, especially how he doesn't deal well in social situations ect etc, but he said and I quote " think of it like a new start for him, where no 1 will call him a deformed dwarf" I had never used those words in my letter or the meeting btw

[RavioliOnToast]

Like shit would I be sending my school into that situation and I'd make sure the school knew it was down to them that he wouldn't be attending.

The wouldn't be okay going into work and being treated like that so why should your DS

[Pocketrocket31]

It's is a lea school, part of a federation. But plans are in place to change into a academy later this year.
I have emailed to safeguarding officer at council today, but no reply as yet.
No care plan, just 4 meetings a year about his Sen. They just moved him into the monitoring register.
I have have support before from parent partnership but that was about sen, I spoke with them again today and they couldn't attend meeting, but did send me some advice and links.

My main concern now is should I send him to the other school, will I make things worse if I refuse? Will I be in trouble for keeping him home? Will me sending him to the other school while this is getting sorted alter the outcome?

Thanks again every1

[PegsPigs]

Your DS should not have to move schools; the bullies should. If the school can't keep him safe you can by keeping him away from the bullies. If the perpetrator was on his last warning and there are witnesses why isn't he out on his ear?

[WombatStewForTea]

Even if there was someone there you really need someone as another witness in your meetings with school. Not to interfere just to listen and make notes (although I guess recording it is just as good) as I've known heads act differently when there's someone else there.

[phlebasconsidered]

Is this an academy or LEA school? If LEA i'd be going straight to the authority and cc'ing in all correspondence. Does your son have a care plan at school or through CAHMS? Get all the people who support your son on board. Is there a family worker who can support you? I would also ring the home schooling unit if LEA, and state firmly the reason why you are doing this and ask for support. As a LEA school, the LEA are ultimately responsible and should give you support.

If it's an academy, i'm afraid they'll do nothing. My experience, as a teacher, of academies is that they'll just brush it off and force you to move. They really are a law unto themselves. The way they treat SEN children is shocking. My heart goes out to you.