Swearing, aibu?

[Ozwizard]

Ds is throwing a paddy! He wants to be able to use swearing whilst playing his Xbox. A boy in his Xbox party is having a row with ds and apparently this is how arguments are being played out by swearing at each other!! I am making ds look uncool by not letting him swear back so he looks like he is losing the argument! I do not like swearing and have never brought him up with it. I do not want him doing it, especially as when on Xbox he shouts anyway in the heat of the game! He's 13 and says that I should let him do it because of his age.

[NeedACleverNN]

Ok cubic how would you describe someone with a hearing disability?

Deaf? Hard of hearing? Hearing disabled?

[NeedACleverNN]

I don't. Invalid is a round about general term. Saves you going into specifics of what is actually wrong, which some people do not want to share

[CubicZirconiaBossyBabe]

However the wanted NeedACleverNN. Probably by their first name.

I don't need to know exactly why invalid isn't okay, all I need to know is that lots of people who are/were described as such don't like it. So I don't use it. If you don't like my conclusions about exaclty why they don't like it, come to your own!

[NeedACleverNN]

But what if you was describing them

Oh don't mind so and so. She probably didn't hear you. She's.......

[CubicZirconiaBossyBabe]

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3708576.stm

"Of other words used to describe disabled people, "invalid" gives the message of being not valid or worthless."

I wouldn't call someone a deaf. I would say they are deaf or hard of hearing in relevant contexts.

If there were a number of people saying "we don't like the word deaf, please use X instead" I would. So far I haven't…

I know I know its SOOO hard, there's SOOO few words in the english language to chose from…

[CubicZirconiaBossyBabe]

"she's a deaf". nope. never said that.

[NeedACleverNN]

Only reason I ask is because I AM deaf.

Yet many people insist on saying hard of hearing in case they offend me.

I find it incredibly tedious. I'm deaf. Simple. Easy. No beating round the bush (or is that an offensive phrase too?)

[CubicZirconiaBossyBabe]

"They will tell you the correct term is "disabled people". Why? Because the word disabled and disability refer to how society treats them, not their impairment, which is a medical matter.

Disabled refers to what barriers have been placed in their way due to the physical environment: steps instead of ramps, no Braille menus in restaurants etc. It also refers to attitudes which perpetuate joblessness or non-inclusion.

Linguistically the disability movement is trying to separate its personal medical situation from society's responsibility to all disabled people."

[CubicZirconiaBossyBabe]

NeedACleverNN

(do correct me if I'm wrong please)

Personally I differentiate because all of the people I know who are partially deaf but can hear with hearing aids describe themselves as hard of hearing.

The people I know who describe themselves as "deaf", have a congenital deafness or have significant hearing difficulties in one or both ears

Like the difference between being legally blind and needing glasses?

(and I can imagine that someone who IS legally blind would find it irksome to be refered to the same as someone who just needs glasses)

But there's a problem with that.. because someone who lip reads very well may not come across as as deaf as they are maybe?

what are your thoughts?

[CubicZirconiaBossyBabe]

.. so perhaps if I just had to speak up, I might think "heard of hearing". But if volume wasn't the issue and things like hearing loops or facing so lipreading can happen, then I'ld think deaf? but generally I don't think I need to assume because people usually tell you "i'm deaf" or "I'm hard of hearing" and I follow their lead..

[NeedACleverNN]

Hmmm I can sort of see you point when you say glasses

I am not fully deaf. I am classed as severely deaf.

I have no hearing in my right and only about 30% in my left. I wear a hearing aid and I get by with lip reading.

I learned to speak before I lost my hearing so my speech doesn't have that tell tale "slur". I had meningitis. However I still class myself as deaf. Hard of hearing makes it sound like I'm ignorant

[CubicZirconiaBossyBabe]

I don't think it sounds ignorant, but I do think it sounds older

I just say that because the people who say "can you speak up please, I'm a bit hard of hearing" to me have been older people whose hearing has declined and now use highstreet hearing aids

and people who say "I'm deaf" are usually younger people or people with hearing problems that happened before old age.

Maryz I'm sure there's plenty of blogs etc about language use for chronic illness or disability. You clearly don't like my explanation. But my point is I don't really need to know the explanation, I know it makes people uncomfortable and that's enough for me to not use it.

[CubicZirconiaBossyBabe]

(but that's just my experience so far, if a younger person described theselves as "hard of hearing" I'ld use that for them.)

[CubicZirconiaBossyBabe]

and obv if you think it sounds ignorant, that's the most important thing because it's you being referred to that way, so it doesn't really matter that I don't think of it as sounding ignorant.

Do people still use "hard of hearing" to you after you use the word deaf yourself? that's a bit off. They should follow your lead. It's one thing to get it wrong, another to persisit when someone's describing themselves otherwise

[NeedACleverNN]

Yes some do.

My dh did for a long time because he didnt like the word deaf. Found it offensive.

So here we are. Back to my point. You can't stop people using an accepted word because you find it offensive

[CubicZirconiaBossyBabe]

I think you can. Lots of words that used to be acceptable have been changed over time. I guess it takes time though.

I think in your case I would have told my hubby that it's not up to him. It's not up to me what words I use in relation to groups of people I don't belong to.

[ChipButtyButter]

Maryz "Does anyone Irish who actually lives in Ireland really think that "throwing a paddy" is horribly racist?"

As opposed to the acceptable "just a little racist"?! Yes, they do. Get to Ireland and say "they threw a right paddy" in any shop, school, pub... and it won't take long for you to get schooled.

It is offensive. Paddy and Mick were generic names given by some English to Irish people back in the bad old days when it was perfectly ok to put up signs saying 'no blacks, no Irish'.

Ditto the term 'taking the Mick'.

[LikeDylanInTheMovies]

Has anyone been able to find anything close to a reliable source that links 'throwing a paddy' to the notion of the Irish being volatile and aggressive. I've looked and can't find anything. I'm beginning to suspect that it might be a false etymology like handicapped deriving from 'cap in hand'.

[LikeDylanInTheMovies]

Still can't find anything on if the Paddy in 'throwing a paddy' relates to negative representations of Irish people - given that Paddy could refer to something other than a negative term for an Irish man. Paddy could equally refer to a ricefield or a husj or rice.

Interestingly Paddywack is the name of the neck ligament in a sheep, rather than anything to do with police attacking the Irish. It is also a popular dog treat [http://www.sainsburys.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/gb/groceries/good-boy-dog-treats--paddywhack-200g?langId=44&storeId=10151&krypto=fKom60Un9zsKtfOP%2F2%2BGd4rt%2B0IGsfwzahXW7IVj3asDcDezo5xv7sL4qkl4g2JXutcZif%2FR56YoJIFNunzYHrwQaFhY9mgo0poVOS%2B6MliBme4AjaVbx5x9cRYN89QPp%2BlDTJGVpXwv2rEKvg1M0LU7HG5w9UgfK%2BEtrrhaBtA%3D&ddkey=http%3Agb%2Fgroceries%2Fgood-boy-dog-treats--paddywhack-200g Paddywack]] in the context of the song, nicknack Paddywack give the dog a bone would appear to refer to the dog treat.

[MrsRyanGosling15]

Chipbutty as someone who has lived in Ireland all my life I have never once had anyone try to 'school me' over saying having a paddy. Ever.