To be absolutely raging

[Toomanyhyphons]

DD2 is now 7 months old and I've been back exercising regularly for about 3 months. I actually thought I wasn't looking too bad, my pre-pregnancy size 8 clothes have fitted me since DD2 was a couple of days old, but a woman in my spin class today "congratulated" me saying I'd "almost" lost all my "baby fat". This doesn't sound that bad but she then went on to say how she'd last seen me a fortnight ago and how i "looked so much better now" and I'd "really slimmed down". It's really upset me and I kind of want to punch her in the face even though I know she meant well. I really thought I looked OK up until this moment and now she has me doubting everything. As a past sufferer of eating disorders and still dealing daily with body issues it's really hit me hard. AIBU to feel like this? I feel like she shouldn't have said anything to me!

[Toomanyhyphons]

Never mentioned my weight/size in class or to anyone else outside of that LaPharisienne that's why I come in here to rant as it's anonymous. I do my classes, sometimes have some general chit chat with a few other regulars about how good/hard the class was, then go home. It was meant as a compliment but wasn't put to me well and annoyed me as I didn't feel I had anything to lose and looked fine anyway. I just dislike that it's ok to say it to me as I've just had a baby. You wouldn't tell someone that was just overweight that they'd nearly lost all their fat. Or maybe she would and wouldn't mean anything by it. I just don't think she put it very nicely.

[LaPharisienne]

You didn't offend me (weird thing to say) and there's nothing to agree or disagree with in your post. It just seemed clear to me that:

(a) she was having a dig at an insecurity of yours she'd picked up on. She may have picked up on it because you have been as vocal in RL as you are here about how quickly you've gone back to your tiny dress size? If so, she probably made a bitchy comment because she, a whole 2 dress sizes bigger than you, feels threatened and insecure. I'm sure you know she might feel like this because of how you felt the first time around; and

(b) you have personal weight-related issues that have lead you to reward her with a reaction.

I guess what I'm saying is she is probably struggling with the same sort of weight obsession as you which is why she made an insensitive comment and why you have taken it badly. I'd try and be kind to yourself and it might help you show her compassion in return.

[Toomanyhyphons]

I have a lower belly sag too . One c-section first time round and split lower ab muscles this time round to blame. thibk that makes me look loads bigger than I actually am as well.

[Shakey15000]

Ah, the back handed compliments. Ignore, you're doing fab.

If it's any consolation, though it's not weight related, when DS was about two I took him for a haircut. He was behaving well and the hairdresser said "Ooh, aren't you being a good boy for your Nanna?"

[ButtfaceMiscreant]

YANBU

My mum told me the day after I gave birth to twins (at 36+6 so more or less term) that I still looked pregnant. That was the first thing she said, not even congratulations or cooing over the babies. Still hurts 6 months on.

Congratulations on losing your baby weight, in the way and speed you wanted. Ignore any unwanted comments

[Toomanyhyphons]

Also, I don't think the woman was being deliberately bitchy I just think that there's certain things you shouldn't say? And yes LaPharisienne I did point out that i was back in my pre pregnancy clothes a couple of days after DD2 was born. You see when DD1 was born after an emergency c-section my body didn't go back to normal like i thought it would and I ended up with an eating disorder trying to lose my "baby weight" so this time I'm pleased I got an easier ride. Sorry if it offended you. I'm on here to have a rant and put things in perspective for myself anonymously so if you don't agree with that then just don't read the post!

[whatevva]

Perhaps the person she saw a fortnight ago was actually someone else, who is probably not anything like you at all ?

[Toomanyhyphons]

Thank you everyone. You've made me feel better! I'm mostly raging because I think it was a very rude thing to say to someone especially when 1. I'm already pre-baby size which she knows as I've been going to these classes pre, during and post pregnancy and 2. I'm at least 2 dress sizes smaller than her! I just really don't like people commenting on my size and if somebody said to me "you look amazing, have you lost weight?" I would actually be upset as well as in my twisted mind that would have me thinking that they thought I looked awful and fat before. I know that's being unreasonable though and is definately all about me! I just hate how people label women as "fat" when they've just had a baby. The reason your tummy looks different/is wobbly/is bloated etc is because you've just grown another human being inside it and it had to stretch to accommodate that!

[Binkybix]

Literally the first thing my MIL said to me after me having my first baby was 'you think the tummy will go down but it doesn't, does it?'

[LaPharisienne]

Sorry, had to laugh at this - what a stupid bitchy comment from her but obviously on target because here you are, complaining about her on the Internet while not so subtly pointing out you are back to a size 8 within 2 days of giving birth...

[bakeoffcake]

If she makes any other comments say........

"You seem to be taking a keen interest in my appearance, as you keep making comments. I'd rather you kept those comments to yourself" then walk away.

[MeredithFrampton]

RudeElf "I remember my mum asking me what i was doing about my belly When ds was 4 months old. hmm"

My dad asked if it was 'too soon to ask about losing weight' when my first child was FIVE DAYS old.

He's not a man known for his tact or sensitivity.

also he's a fat bastard and I'm back to a size 8 now

[eatsleephockeyrepeat]

Come on spoon, there's very little intimacy in that comment and absolutely no assumption; they're asking the question about your weight, anyway! On the other end of the spectrum some guy shouts "nice tits!" at you and yeah, it's a compliment, but that's not cool.

It takes a fine social barometer to get it right every time when talking to someone about something personal, but I think in the OP's case this woman gets it wrong on so many levels, and makes too many presumptions as to what the OP would find acceptable/comfortable. I think she's been insensitive and even rude (although presumably inadvertently) when she clearly doesn't know the OP well enough to go "congratulating" her on "slimming down"!

[SpoonintheBin]

So if someone would say to me You look nice today! Have you lost weight? I should be insulted, offended because it's a comment about my appearance, feel that it's an insensitive comment about my weight? Come on. I would smile and say thank you very much. I certainly don't think it's worth raging about.

[eatsleephockeyrepeat]

Not all women suffer from jealousy, as assumed on here.

I don't assume jealousy, I think it's offensive insensitive to comment of something as personal as someone's body, particularly someone's post-partum body, if you don't know them well enough to know how they'd take it.

[araiba]

youre absolutely raging because someone paid you a compliment and said youre looking good?

yabu

[Birdsgottafly]

Have you ever mentioned that you want to lose the baby weight?

I lost five stone last year, attending a gym, there were times when mine (and others) weight seemed to stay the same, then we would look a lot thinner, a couple of weeks later.

We were going to lose weight/tone up, do this sort of comment would have been taken as a compliment and motivation.

In a gym is a compliment if someone mentions your changing body shape.

I don't get the issue and don't think that she deserves the insults she's had on here.

Not all women suffer from jealousy, as assumed on here.

[pointythings]

I agree with all those who point out how wrong it is to think women who have had babies are fair game for comments about their weight.

My dad had a comment to make 10 days after I had DD1 - and yes, I was back in pre-preg jeans because she was hoovering down milk like a small Dyson. He said 'Oh, you've still got a bit of a jelly belly, haven't you?' So I said 'Yes, that was because I had a baby only 10 days ago', accompanied by a death stare.

It worked.

[revealall]

YABU.
You know you suffer with anxiety around weight so yes, it's you. I realise it's sounds rude to your ears but she might just have been impressed with how much you've lost? It was in a gym ( quite a lot of focus on looks) rather than a random bus stop or something.
What size you are pretty much only matters to you surely. I take weight loss and weight gain comments as pretty much bollocks anyway. It's just conversation.

[Katedotness1963]

There's no chance she as trying to compliment you and her tongue and brain weren't working together? I know I've had occasions where something sounded good in my head but what came out of my mouth was not.

[WorraLiberty]

It does sound like she was trying to pay you a complement, albeit cack handedly.

Perhaps the fact you were at a spin class made her assume you were trying to lose weight, rather than just to keep fit.

She may have made the wrong assumption, but that doesn't make her a bad person and I think your anger is a bit disproportionate.

[GinaBambino]

My sister used to get this a lot! She didn't look pregnant until the week before her DD arrived and left hospital in skinny (non-maternity) size 8 jeans. Yes I called her a cow (but I'm allowed) but she worked damn hard to lose any weight she put on, which wasn't a lot at all! She looks fab and we all tell her so.
This woman was just very odd, I would never say to a recent mum 'oh you've done so well to lose baby weight' why is it such a big deal for women to 'lose weight' so soon after having a baby! If you're happy and baby is happy that is all that matters. Ignore her and carry on being awesome!

[HanYOLO]

Probably she was trying to pay you a compliment but it went wrong.

Don't let it get under your skin, put it out of your mind.

[Tatiana11235]

Why don't you concentrate on the part where she said that you have slimmed down and look great? What's wrong with that?