Am I being an insensitive twat??

[MyBreadIsEggy]

I've got an appointment at the EPAU today as I've had a few minor bleeds over the weekend, and I'm now being scanned early to make sure all is well with baby. My husband is on a course, so was unable to take the morning off to look after DD (11mo) and he isn't in a position where he can take her with him for an hour or two like he normally would, we have recently moved a few hours away from family and I don't have any friends yet that I could ask a babysitting favour from.
I went to the same unit for the same problem when I was pregnant with DD, and the unit is located on the gynaecology ward. Last time we were sat in the waiting room alongside a number of different people: women there for gynaecological surgeries, women who know they have miscarried, women who are waiting to find out if they have miscarried and women having terminations. Is it really insensitive to those people if I have my DD in her pram in the waiting room with me? I feel a bit weird about it

[champagneplanet]

I've had two MMCs and spent a lot of time in the EPU. It's attached to the emergency gynaecology clinic do fairly busy. There was women with prams coming in and out, it's an emergency clinic and not everyone has childcare. I wouldnt worry, maybe call ahead to check, re-arrange the scan if possible but I really wouldn't worry. The last thing you are being is insensitive.

[MyBreadIsEggy]

I've just tried to call the clinic but can't get through. If I don't manage to get through by the time I need to leave, I will take DD with me, speak to the receptionist, and wait outside for as long as I can before my appointment. I won't take DD into the waiting room.
Sorry to hear that lots of you have spent time in the EPU and thank you all for your well wishes, I've got everything crossed that all goes well for me today.

[Flossiesmummy]

It would potentially be very upsetting for other women to see you with your baby. However, it could also be upsetting for your baby to be left in childcare with someone she's not had chance to get used to.

Speaking from experience of both loss and later going on to have children, I'd suggest that you should take your child with you. I don't think any woman would want your child to be in distress to spare their feelings. I certainly never would have.

[OMGBabyNo3]

I too have spent many hours in these units and lost several babies (I'm extremely grateful to have three of my own now). I have never had to take my children with me to an app but I absolutely agree with what others have said, you sound incredibly kind and sensitive. I would never leave my child in the care of strangers whatever the emergency. I think your plan to check in and wait outside is perfect. I hope you get good news for yourself x

[Ifailed]

good idea to talk to the receptionist, could you leave your phone no with them and ask them to call you when your appointment is up? that way you could at least sit down and have a coffee or something?

[Goingtobeawesome]

If you lived near me I would look after her for you.

I've had quite a few pregnancies and was told, abruptly, oh you're the twin lady, when I'd lost my baby previously and that was far more upsetting than another ladies baby in a pram tbh. I just assumed they wanted their child with them, no one to leave them with not that they had done it thoughtlessly.

A crèche in a hospital would be a great business plan.

[Lweji]

Women who have lost their babies will come in contact with babies elsewhere. Some may have their other children with them.
I think it's really nice of you to worry, but it's not your responsibility how people feel at any time.
I'd take the baby if I had to.

[formerbabe]

When I went to the epu, I went alone so my dh could be home to look after ds, as I didn't think it was the place for a toddler.

I was really irritated to see a couple in there with their baby. She had her dh to care for her child but obviously chose for them all to attend.

However, if I saw another woman there alone with her baby/toddler, I wouldn't be irritated, I'd just think she had no childcare available.

[BillBrysonsBeard]

You sound lovely and considerate OP, the opposite of insensitive. I would wait out of sight but in earshot. Hope it's good news for you

[Afreshstartplease]

Eggy your posts here show you are not in the least bit insensitive

You need this appointment
You have no childcare
Take dd

You probably won't be the only person there with a child

Today you look after you

[shovetheholly]

I would definitely try to avoid this if at all possible.

I held my best friend's hand through a horrible miscarriage over Christmas. The nurse said to her 'For the next few days, you'll see pregnant women and women with babies everywhere, and it'll feel like you're all alone'. Obviously, a small child in the waiting room is likely to produce that feeling immediately. I would wait outside and ask the nurses to telephone me when the appointment was up.

You sound lovely and considerate, btw.

[Goingtobeawesome]

It's not wrong to want your DH with you at a scan. I had a scan where I was given devastating news. I'd sent DH to the car with toddler DD and it's always hurt both of us that he wasn't there when I was told. Another time he was there with toddler DD when we got bad news and I was greatful he was but felt disapproval from the sonographer.

Always be thoughtful but sometimes you will do something that upsets someone else. It's about minimising it.

Take care.

[Sunnybitch]

I hope all is ok

[Pinkheart5915]

If you have no body to babysit then you have to take dd.

I hope today goes well for you

[CalicoBlue]

You are being very thoughtful.

I have had 3 MC, and each time it has been emotionally painful. Twice I have been told there was no heartbeat at the 12 week scan. I am sure that there would have been babies and kids in the waiting area. I can not remember though, it was my baby I wanted.

No way would I leave my 11 month old with a stranger, so you ANBU.

[cheeeseplease]

I hope everything goes well for you today.

I too have had to spend a lot of time in the EPAU and it seems to vary from hospital to hospital. The hospital i attended had very clear signs up all over the place that children were not allowed. Hope you found a solution if your hospital has the same policy. I'm sure they have to make exceptions sometimes x

[LunaLunaLovegood]

Eggy your posts here show you are not in the least bit insensitive

You need this appointment
You have no childcare
Take dd

You probably won't be the only person there with a child

Today you look after you

^^ Exactly this. Good luck.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Ours is in the same place where you go for any pregnancy scan or any ultrasound. There are old people in the waiting area (clearly not pregnant) and families waiting for scans. Tbh it wouldn't have occurred to me not to take ds, even though I was a regular when I was pregnant with him.

[TheWeeBabySeamus1]

I had to visit the EPU in my first failed pregnancy, the waiting room was full of women with babies and older children... maybe I'm hard hearted but I genuinely didn't mind. Plus after I had the bad news I was taken to a private room, not sent back to the waiting room.

If you have no childcare then you have to take her. Hope things turn out well for you

[ElsaMars]

I found out I had an ectopic recently and there was a woman there with her around 18 month old. Didn't even think about it to be honest but it wouldn't bother me - and didn't then. You're there for just as valid a reason as they are

[MartinaJ]

You can hardly put her on a shelf and tell her to wait there so you have to take her if you have nobody else to look after her.

[SmellsLikeMiddleAgeSpirit]

You have no choice but to take her with you, so do!

There is no way to avoid seeing babies and children, other than lock oneself away!

[NoahVale]

there are babies everywhere. op. just do what you can, and if that means taking her with you, so be it.

[TinyTear]

they might have a room for you.

i had to bring my then 2yo with me to get the tablets for my MC5 as there was no way I could leave her anywhere else. we sat in a corner, i took some colouring for her and tried to be as inconspicuous as possible...

another time i was waiting at the epu and a woman comes in with a 3 or 4 yo to drop off a little tub for analysis... i did not begrudge her having her child with her... everyone there is there for the same reason.

i never thought "lucky you, you have a child"

i wanted my babies, not anyone else's...

the only person I resented in my epu during any of my 5 miscarriages was the heavily pregnant teenager who looked bored and holding a pack of fags, with a mother no older than me and about 5 or 6 other kids (siblings I presume) in tow and who then proceeded to berate everyone after her scan loudly saying "i knew it was all ok, stop hassling me, I need a fag" when for me and the other women it was not all ok...

OP I hope everything will be ok with you