His 'friend'

[SmokyJoJo]

Hi all
I'm super-confused about this friend of my partners & would really appreciate your thoughts.
We've been together 18 months & I've met the friend a few times (I instigated us meeting up cos he was spending lots of time with her as her son & his son play football together) He told me from the start that they 'slept together a few times' a couple of years ago - mini relationship.
When I met her we got on well & have since met her a few times & felt fine about their friendship after I met her.
On Friday, we ran into her in town & I felt completely invisible-massive hugs & kisses between her & my partner, 'let's meet up soon' type chit chat, felt like there was this amazing energy between them. After holding it down for a few hours I found myself exploding & demanding to know what is going on with them... So out of the blue but I felt massively upset...
Would you feel ok with your partner remaining friends with someone he was with two years ago?
AIBU to have this massive reaction?
So pissed off with myself but felt like they're behaviour was totally OTT & inappropriate. I am pregnant btw so could be hormones.... Arghhhhhh!

[TattyCat]

She sounds a bit territorial and in her shoes, I'd be backing off quite a lot or would be making a big effort to include you. Most people would be uncomfortable with an ongoing relationship like this with an ex, so you're NBU.

[SmokyJoJo]

Really appreciate everyone taking the he time to comment or talk about similar experiences. Thanks all.
Feeling slightly less anxious. 12 week scan next week so people will be aware if all is well.....

[Oly5]

I think you're overreacting tbh.
He's been really clear about his dealings with her.
He had a fling ages ago and they still enjoy each other's company. So what?
I have an ex I see who I would NeVER go back to but do I love his company? Hell yeah.
Do I want to leave my lovely other half and our two kids? Hell no!!
My other half has met the ex a few times and they get on well. No need for all this jealousy and suspicion.

[228agreenend]

I think you should get yourself invited on the day out pronto.

[HanYOLO]

TBH I would be hoping that he would be the one putting a limit on their time spent together, without kids, having seen that his pregnant partner, is clearly upset by that.

[redshoeblueshoe]

smoky I think it would be fair to suggest that

[SmokyJoJo]

So readers, AIBU to ask that outside of the footy days, they limit meeting for coffee/other outings that exclude me & my children?
Suddenly the idea of them chatting over coffee etc makes me wanna puke (must be the morning sickness ) oh, & the poster who said tell her about the pregnancy, my family don't even know. The spidey senses have never reared their head before with him & her - it's fucking annoying!

[SmokyJoJo]

Are there still posting issues going on? Couldn't post any replies earlier (apologies cos I appreciate all of your advice & comments loads)

[SuperFlyHigh]

I would totally not be ok about this outing without you.

I had a similar situation a few years ago, an ex was waiting in the wings (boyfriend at the time rang her, she him etc) as soon as we were over she was back with him.

Always trust your spidey senses.

[PetrolBastard]

Eh? He told you that he is just friends with her. Either trust him or don't be in a relationship with him.

And calling him a 'fucking dick' is verbally abusive.

[HanYOLO]

He needs to tell her you're pregnant, and all the seriousness of relationship that implies. Pronto.

[Buzzardbird]

No op, there is a problem with mn this afternoon.

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

Yanbu, its only been 18 months, he could have easily kept up a poker face about how close he is to this woman and now the mask has slipped. I would ditch him op. I would be gutted if my dh had 'energy' with another woman. Sorry.

[SmokyJoJo]

iCloud full so my posts keep not posting !!! Annoying !!

[BreakfastLunchPasta]

Yikes, I'd absolutely hate that myself.

I think you should cheerfully suggest you and your DC come along on this outing.

[Vintage45]

Why would it be "just them"? I'd go with you being confused because there is something very odd about the whole thing.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Actually, are you sure that your DP hasnt told her about the pregnancy? That would explain the shift in her attitude towards you.

[SmokyJoJo]

Spoke to Partner when angry & it all got heightened and messy.
I have children & we've all hung out together a few times but they have this 'day out' in the pipeline which is apparently just them. Suddenly feel totally about it....

[Buzzardbird]

I think you will know more when she learns of the pregnancy.

[SmokyJoJo]

So just to clarify, their boys have known each other a few years & the four of them hang out about once a month for footy/outings.
Genuinely no problem til the other day-felt fine when I met her initially & since.
Anyfucker, blaming the hormones cos I am a bit on edge at the moment generally. Instinct-wise, I'm normally pretty spot on.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Her reaction to your pregnancy will be very bloody telling, I think.

Dont put it down to hormones, it upset you, so tell your DP that it has upset you, so what will he do about it?

[SmokyJoJo]

Huh? Just posted twice but the posts have vanished... Just testing .....

[Esspee]

In your position I think I might develop an enthusiasm for schoolboy football and join your OH in cheering on his son, every match.

[AnyFucker]

Stop blaming your "hormones". I hate that dismissive shit.

Your hackles have been raised for a reason. Have you ever had reason to doubt your instinct before ?

[Esspee]

She may have been feeling miffed that he has chosen you over her and decided to behave the way she did to hurt you. If so she clearly succeeded.
Of course as your OH has not felt committed enough to you to marry you, even though you are carrying his child, I suppose in a subliminal way he is signalling that he is still available.