To get irritated by DH's forays into the kitchen to "cook"

[MattDillonsPants]

He occasionally gets an urge to cook...which is fine of course. It's not MY kitchen though I cook most of the meals at home.

So he wanted to make some tomato sauce which could be used for pizza bases and or as a base for soups or pastas. SO he spent a long time chopping ridiculous quantities of tomatoes and cooking them down with herbs in a MASSIVE catering sized pot.

Finished it...I tasted it and it almost took my head off because he'd put loads of fresh chiilis in it.

Whatever. WHY he did this is beyond me because we have two children who can't eat the enormous amount of sauce he's made....that was yesterday...it's 3.00pm here in Australia so I just decided to begin to make tonight's tea...meatballs.

I chop up some onions...look for the garlic...can't find it...ask DH where it is...he says, "Oh. The garlic. I used it all yesterday"

He used two whole bulbs of garlic and never bothered to replace them or tell me where they've gone!

I am tired so probably more irritable than usual. He's now gone to get more...but I'm so annoyed. These self indulgent experimental cooking adventures are wasteful and silly.

And how can I de-chilli an ocean of sauce please? Not milk or cream as DH doesn't eat dairy.

[poppy54321]

I'm late but I have to add to this one. When you are organised in the kitchen and make sure that you throw very little food away, because you don't like throwing things away, then this kind of thing can be annoying and frustrating. If you regularly have a lot of waste then perhaps it is no big deal to you. I was taught to use things up, I do not like wasted food at all. I'm not saying I never waste food, I do, but never a massive vat of tomatoes and garlic, that is crazy land. I would be visibly calm but it would take me some considerable effort to let this go, probably by moaning to someone else who understood.

[SwearySwearyQuiteContrary]

It's only "cooking" if you produce something edible in a reasonable number of serves given the quantities of ingredients used. I'd tell him that I would not be including him in any meals I prepare until he has consumed every last portion of his creation.

[cherrytree63]

[MattDillonsPants]

Cherry on a rabbit hutch yes.

[BirdintheWings]

I do that to DH. In my defence, it's because we have this set routine whereby I clean out the fridge and cupboard while he does the shopping.

It would make eminently more sense to clean them out the day before and see what we were short of, but this had honestly never occurred to either of us till now...

[Roussette]

Love the 3 frozen peas!

My DH without fail will tell me what we have run out of as I walk in the door with the weekly shop in a "by the way, Rouss, we've run out of blah blah blah..." way.

[IjustbelieveinMe]

My husband follows recipes religiously. So if the recipe calls for six shallots and we have seven shallots, he'll use six. It makes me unreasonably annoyed. USE THE LAST SHALLOT. He'll constantly leave a minute amount of rosemary in a jar or black pepper in a pot and not bother saying anything as he hasn't technically used the last of it but there's not enough left to do anything with. But if the recipe didn't call for the last quarter teaspoon of an ingredient then there's no way it will use it. And god forbid there isn't quite enough of something! If he's cooking I'll hear from the kitchen (amidst banging saucepans and huffy stomping) 'great. guess I can't make that then'. When I sweetly ask what the problem is, it'll be something like we only have 225g of arborio rice and he needed 250g, IT WILL STILL WORK FFS JUST USE WHAT WE HAVE YOU ARE NOT HESTON FUCKING BLUMENTHAL.

Franny Are we living with the same man? this is so funny...mine will leave 3 frozen peas in a bag and pop it back in the freezer. Then when I go to the freezer to cook some peas, I am left with 3, because quote unquote 'we still had some left so we didn't need to buy any'.

This is the funniest thread I have read in a long time!!

[cherrytree63]

Is his penis big enough to use as a draft excluder?

[MattDillonsPants]

That would be very practical.

[paxillin]

use it for your hair scrunchies

[MattDillonsPants]

Paxillin, yes...his penis. I could boil and simmer that? Use it as a draft excluder OR cut it open to make a herb planter.

(Not advocating penile abuse...just joking and DH laughed when I told him)

[paxillin]

Does the house contain something your DH uses but you don't so much? Wine maybe? Boil it, simmer to reduce, add some stock. Use several bottles. Proudly present him with a huge quantity of red wine and beef gravy nobody needs. Do not forget to oversalt in and make sure to leave the washing up.

Or maybe he has a towels he likes? Make hideous draft excluder caterpillars, be sure to use something else that would be useful for decorations. Maybe sew on guitar plectrums for eyes.

Tennis balls? Cut open, make planting pots for herbs only you like...

[Katarzyna79]

my garlic, ginger tomatoes and onions always last the week, so I don't know how to it feels to run out. But if you live in a rural location and 2 hours to get garlic, maybe have a back up? you can buy frozen garlic and ginger as an emergency? I'm too snotty to use it, but my sister swears buy it, better than using none at all?

Keep good quality canned tomatoes as back up?

you must have other stuff running out unexpectedly too if you';re not near any grocery shops?

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

although you know this already as several others have also suggested it RTFT next time

[MattDillonsPants]

Srsly My DH went through that too! Overcooked, dark brown, salty rock bread...and yes! Too small for sandwiches. I however told him to jump when he'd say not to buy bread...just tell yours! "No yours isn't good enough yet...when it is, then we can stop buying it."

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

freeze it in ice cube tray and empty each batch into a bag of cubes to keep as one cube per dish in future, keep some back and add a few tins of tomatoes to make a spicy soup.

[srslylikeomg]

My DH has taken up baking. God I hate it. "We're out of bread, just popping to the shop" "no! I'll make some" my heart drops. It's like a BRICK. A doughy salty brick. Too small for sandwiches, too small to toast, too tasteless for dipping. Guess who washes the mixing bowl. Hate it.

[Astrophe]

Mattdillonspants -adding sugar goes some way to cancelling out chilli...might not be enough in this case though!

[Slimmingcrackers]

I still haven't recovered from the time dh decided to clarify some sort of seafood soup with egg whites through muslin he day before our dd's Christening. Most of it ended up on the ceiling and the floor. Let's just say I was less than amused.

[anklebitersmum]

Yanbu and you certainly have my sympathies! Similar situation here..too much chilli by half triple and a DH who adheres firmly to the "My job here is done" once it's plated up with a "TA dAAA" as he's cooked (and not cleaned so much as a spoon never mind the sideboards/walls & ceiling as he went).

The washing up etc happens by magic when I cook of course

BBQ prep and the 'King of the grill' routine is my biggest bug-bear though even if he does cook a mean steak

[MattDillonsPants]

Cherry my DH tried that once. Never again I tell you! It's like frigging daubing someone else's painting with a blob of paint! You just don't!

[cherrytree63]

AND AND AND sometimes I'll be cooking something spectacularly DELICIOUS and I turn my back for two ticks and he of the haute cuisine echelons will taste it and ADD stuff to it.
FFS.

[Roussette]

My DH would expect the whole road to applaud if he cooked a meal. He can cook himself basic stuff but I can't bear to be in the kitchen when he does, there's a lot of banging and crashing and "oh damns" for something as basic as cheese on toast.

[SmashingTurnips]

YANBU.

Sounds like the sort of annoying cooking my DH used to get up to. He's much better nowadays.

He once made a stupid amount of tomato sauce to which he added about 100 (no exaggeration) whole black peppercorns. WTAF?! Each normal pasta serving for the family had 20 or so whole peppercorns floating around in it waiting to give you a fright and the sauce was burny peppery nasty. He ended up freezing it in portions and then I chucked it all out after mistakenly using a bag of it and ruining a meal.

Other triumphs have been a perfectly ok soup to which he added cauliflower leaves to and then blended (really stringy don't try it), a fish soup that had fish heads and SCALES in it. We also have had loads of weird and nasty overly healthy concoctions (usually involving some badly cooked grain such as quinoa or aramanth or some such) that there is no way the kids will eat (despite being really unfussy).

Thankfully he has stopped this particular cooking style and mostly makes ok things now. He still has the fault of deciding to start some impractical cooking project at 7pm for dinner when what is needed is an omelette/quick pasta dish, etc.

You have my sympathy.

[FinallyFreeFromItAll]

I put too much spice in a sauce once.

My solution (because I hate cream added to sauces) was to cook a second batch of sauce without the spice. I then mixed together and froze in portions. It came out just right.