I'm oh so dismissive

[Standingonmytippytoes]

Dp says I'm very dismissive when we're chatting but I think he just waffles on so much that by the end I don't care.

Example he's watching fast and furious 6 this evening and he mentioned they must have a large car budget I said they probably get them for free in return for advertising because alot of car heads watch the show. He then went on to tell me about when he was a teenager and hanging out with friends the group that he had were into cars and that when they got together they'd watch fast and furious and he wasnt into cars but they were and blah blah blah blah.
I don't care about that we've been together 10 years I've heard most of his stories before. Aibu he also repeats himself during conversations it's hard to explain but very annoying. Of course I'm dismissive at the end of it.

'He also kept giving me updates on the movie because I missed the start i kept saying I'm not watching this. It got to the point I had to say stop giving me updates I don't care.'

I would say why doesn't he listen to what you're saying but that'd be a bit rich really

It's inevitable that you're going to talk about things you maybe find tedious at times after 10 years together, but if it's obviously one sided and happening so often that it's pushed you into taking your chances in AIBU, does that mean you have more problems than you shutting the fuck up and politely listening could realistically solve?

I think YABU op.

If he bores you constantly and consistently then that's not a great indicator for your relationship. If it's just the occasional story that you're not hugely interested in then suck it up and listen. Because he's your partner and you love him (presumably).

OP has been sucking it up and listening Minecrafty, because he goes off on one if she dares to try and tell him he's boring her to fuck.

OP, I feel your pain.

Do you ever pretend to be interested? I do sometimes in return for expecting him to pretend to be interested in my waffle sometimes.

But if he goes on and on while the telly is on anyway and I am trying to read and I am tired, I will tell him to stop talking in a reasonably calm manner while inside I am screaming STFU.

When the EU referendum was first announced, DH kept updating me on which conservative MPs wanted in, and which ones wanted out.

I am interested in the pros and cons of EU membership, but not in what each conservative MP thinks about it.

In the end, I just had to tell him I wasn't that interested. And let's face it, if I really cared, there's the news on television, the news online, the radio news, and newspapers, all desperate to update me.

Yeah, I hear you OP.

DH talks AT me sometimes. Well, a lot of the time. I used to try to be interested, but I have given up now. I don't want to hear in depth lectures on the pyramids in Egypt or about remapping cars. I mean, the things he is into...it just boggles.

I started refusing to listen when it became apparent that he didn't listen to me in return. I don't mind having a chat, as in, an actual two way conversation, about something, but he has the tendency to tediously link it to something he can lecture on. I call them his political broadcasts :o and once I say "You are having a political broadcast" he usually gets the hint and shuts up.

He also makes a story that anyone could tell in 5 mins last 15 mins. I now make a rolling motion with my hand so he will just skip to the end. That sounds so bad. :o

His inability to leave a room when he says he is going to is another thing that drives me bonkers. He will stand up, say he is off to get a drink or whatever, and 5 mins later I will look up and he is still standing there, talking to me about something, and I haven't been listening because he told me he was leaving the room. Or he will just be standing there still, edging towards the door. I just don't get it. Just walk out the door!

This post makes me sound awful, and makes our relationship sound awful, but its not at all and I am actually very nice. He is equally dismissive of me and my ramblings. But we do have loads of common ground that we can chat about for hours.

I had a boyfriend who would do a variation of this. He would for example say 'have I told you about the time X did Y?' And I's usually have heard it before and would say oh yes, you have, so funny/sad/etc. And then he would without fail proceed to tell the whole story again, complete with actions and often voices. Every time.

He didn't care that I'd heard it. He didn't want to talk to me, just at me. It was absolutely maddening and it got to the point I would just walk off on the middle of his ridiculous charades.

We broke up

OP has been sucking it up and listening Minecrafty, because he goes off on one if she dares to try and tell him he's boring her to fuck

It sounds more like he went off on one because she was fucking rude to him.

DH can tend to do this. When he's gone as far as the 3rd or 4th sentence I nod and say 'Oh yes, I remember you telling me this', then repeat the end of the story. For example, 20 year old baseball team win; "Oh yes, I remember you telling me, you hit a double and knocked the winning run in". It shows them you remember their 'important tale' and by you saying the conclusion first there's really nothing for them to add. It's worked for almost 30 years now.

Dp is away with work. He was doing this droning on about boring shite tonight on the phone.

I just hung up

'It sounds more like he went off on one because she was fucking rude to him.'

Neither of them are listening to each other so it probably doesn't matter who says what tbf.

I would consider deliberately talking at someone for however long when you know they don't like it pretty rude, and if he's made it clear that she's not allowed to say she doesn't like him talking at her about certain things, then she has to be rude to get her point across.

I won't talk about the eight legged freaks and wouldn't be happy if someone thought they could override what I choose to put into my head, crappy car films could be the same for the OP.

YABU because you don't know that 'alot' isn't a word.

Also you sound like a bit of a cow sometimes.

(someone posted about The Alot on here ages ago, it really stuck in my head and has helped me stay employed ever since)

OP I feel your pain
My mum is like this
I used to ask her to get to the point, she'd get upset and say "I'm making conversation!"

She really does find it upsetting so I'm afraid I now just pretend to listen and interject many mmms. She'll even tell me what happened at the Post Office eg "I paid this bill and bought stamps".

Luckily I live alone. If I lived with someone I think I'd rather they were the silent type who only spoke when necessary joking aside does that sound like you?

i hate to use the c word but I fear some compromise might be needed here.

I know a man who orates. At length, about everything, and repeatedly. He assumes everyone is fascinated by him (or insists they must be) and knows more about how everyone should live their lives than they do. We don't get on: he was repeating an extremely racist story, which we'd all heard many times before, and I left the room in order not to offend. He was offended.

His wife's adorable. I found out her first husband was severely abusive, and I guess she thinks this one's worth putting up with as he limits his domination to the verbal () She "yes dear"s all the time, but he still loses his rag when he notices she's not paying attention.

Anyway ... it's the combination of insistent yatter AND the anger, isn't it? Just massive, overbearing entitlement. Would piss me off no end, too!

No suggestions, I'm afraid, tippy. If you're going to stick it out, you'll have to develop the art of seeming to listen while entertaining yourself with happy fantasies, like all the other women on the planet with self-important husbands.

Good luck!

Love The Alot, Agent

I think your OH is bu to make you sit through such diabolical shite and expect you to be interested. Me and my dh have programmes we watch together and stuff we watch separate. I would NEVER expect dh to sit through an episode of eastenders and tell him all the character goings on, just as he would NEVER expect me to sit through an everton match. I often roll my eyes at shite he tells me about football and I say oh sorry I thought you thought I cared. And vice versa. Yanbu OP.

I don't think either of you are in the wrong. I don't think that you can help it if you find him boring and would rather Mumsnet.

I don't think he is unreasonable to be hurt that you find him boring and don't really want to chat and would prefer to be online.

But I do think it sounds like you are fundamentally incompatible and have probably started to come to the end of your relationship.

If you've been together 10 years then realistically if you stick together you've probably got at least another 20 to 30 years if not longer to put up with each other. It really doesn't sound like a very fulfilling or satisfying relationship for either of you if one of you finds the other tediously boring and the other feels ignored, dismissed and not listened to.

In your shoes I would be questioning of the situation was sustainable long term.

OP would probably be alot happier if he was actually giving her the opportunity to chat and naturally change subjects if she's not keen on what he's talking about Bill, but he doesn't sound like he's open to her having a choice.

And once he knows she doesn't like it but keeps doing it again and again then he's deliberately winding her up.

That in itself would make me want to very, very rude to him.

But he's talking about what he's interested in and the things he likes to talk or reminisce about.

I don't think OP is wrong to find it boring, I would probably find it boring too. But he can't have a complete personality transplant and suddenly start having erudite conversations on politics and culture when that's just not who he is. No more than the OP can force herself to be interested in tales of boy racing and pot smoking.

I just think there comes a point where sometimes you have to realise that it's nobody's fault, sometimes people just aren't compatible anymore.

my ex did this.
a lot.

one of the many reasons i ended it was because i just couldn't listen to the story of Chang Mai any more. he went to chang mai, don't you know. no-one of course has even been there before or since. his girlfriend at the time got dengue fever and he had to carry her down the road to the doctors. he did a cookery course at chang mai, you know. using spices no one had ever used before you know. how he went to ko tao and the kho phangan for the full moon party. the full moon party isn't the same any more - you know that don't you?
even though he has never set foot there since. it was 20 years ago that he went. this was the jewel of a story that he would bring out over and over to impress any one we met.
chang mai.....
chang mai....
chang mai....
chang mai....
chang mai.....
chang mai, chang mai, chang mai.........
over and over and over and over. the same story to everyone we met.
even to people we only knew 2 minutes.

that and the 2 week long rave he went to at a warehouse in brussels.
meanwhile, i brought him to australia and god knows where but not a word was said of it.
and it was the way he used to tell it. the expression of his face. so utterly smug. i wanted to hit him.
he's probably still enjoying using that old chestnut. glad i'm not around him to hear it anymore.

There are several types of convos which really irritate:

As said, people who forget they've told you the tale a hundred times and insist on retelling, in detail,....... When you gently point this out.... They continue...

There are also the people who are just waiting for you to finish so they can insert there oh so funny comment/story... They never listen, however brief and funny you are being...

My all time hated ones: every little minor 'hook' in your convo, then leads to a long irrelevant story.... Where you are talked at..

'I just think there comes a point where sometimes you have to realise that it's nobody's fault, sometimes people just aren't compatible anymore.'

You're right of course, there was a thread last week where someone's DH was watching fishing DVDs all afternoon (even laughing along with them!) but the OP seemed OK-ish with it and didn't hold it against him, so maybe it depends on your tolerance levels and how many other redeeming features the other person has.

I am wondering why you said you are a cow, know you are but carrying on acting like you do?

Quite honestly me and dh don't have hobbies that are similar. Mine are sport his are flying planes and weather.

I listen to him banging on about the incoming front, I am not really interested. But he also listens when I tell him what we have done at my martial arts class. He isn't interested. However we know it's something that's interesting to the other one and talk.

I don't know anyone that I am enthusiastic about everything they talk about.

I like quiet. Dh likes noise. But over the years we have learnt to to just rub along nicely.

It's sounds like you just aren't compatible anymore unfortunately.

Shut the front door alot Isn't a word? I'll have to take a gander at this thread.

His inability to leave a room when he says he is going to is another thing that drives me bonkers.
We could have the same dp.

I think you guys have got what's so annoying on the head he doesn't talk to me he talks at me. He used to be worse and just talk over me.
He's always banging on about Hillary Clinton and how his mother doesn't even know her policies and is just blindly following. I just don't care.
He always tries to hook me. "Did I tell you what Jenny did at work today? " waits for my response. Then blithers on about about her biography until I say well what did she do at work!

Tbf he did offer to turn the movie over I told him not to bother because I wasn't watching anyway. Hence why the updates annoyed me.