To think you should be grateful for what you're given

[harshbuttrue1980]

So many threads on here are about people not being happy with presents (or lack of them) for mothers' day, birthdays, weddings etc. Other people are unhappy about not getting inheritances. Still more people are not happy because their own parents don't either provide free childcare or extravagant presents for the poster's children.

I was brought up to think that you got what you were given, and had no entitlement to anything other than what someone freely chose to give. And, if you were given something, you were bloody grateful for it, or at least acted like you were.

Today alone, I've seen people turning their noses up at handmade chocolates and a meal at pizza express (two different posters). AIBU to think that today's grabby, "spoil me, I'm so worth it", "you don't love me if you don't splurge on me" society is unhealthy?

[alltouchedout]

Oh god.

[tootsietoo]

YADNBU. I can't get my head round people expecting presents and spoiling, and childcare from their parents! The whole point of a gift, surely, is that it is unexpected and a nice surprise. It sort of takes the pleasure out of the whole process, for the giver and receiver, if it is expected. And grandparents have done the whole thing already, who can blame them if they don't want to look after small children a second time around!

I used to sit next to a lady at work for whom everything in life was difficult (although she had a lovely life). I think she got really annoyed with me when I kept pointing out that things could be worse. It made her feel comfortable to moan. So in the end I let her get on with it.

[saraah2354]

I agree. My mum is the demanding type and it sucks the fun out of trying to buy for her. My brother sent her a MD present for the first time in 5 years, it was a keyring but she's complaining because "its just pointless shit" yet that's what she sent her mother... baffles me

[ouryve]

Harshbuttrue I haven't read the threads in question, but what you see on here is only a snapshot of people's lives. Yes, some people are pretty grabby, but some people are horribly taken for granted by those around them and sometimes, the people who should know them well completely ignore their perfectly reasonable preferences.

If I, for example, had a partner who had the last say on everything and constantly criticised me (and my self esteem was such that I put up with that) then he decided to "treat" me to an Indian when I don't like spicy food, at all, and he knows that, then I would have every reason to feel put out and not just take what I was given, unquestioningly.

[harshbuttrue1980]

People just do seem to be grabbier in general. Even among the people I know in real life, it seems to be perfectly acceptable to "regift" presents, or to ask for the receipt so you can take them back if you don't like them and exchange them for something else. I'm not some sort of perfect person, and of course I've had gifts I don't like, but to me, the only way to respond to a gift is to thank the giver profusely and be grateful that someone took the time and money to buy you something.

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

you got what you were given, and had no entitlement to anything other than what someone freely chose to give

Well fine, I broadly agree but I do think you are lumping different things in together as though they are the same.

Sometimes people aren't being entitled, but they do have a reasonable expectation of something and naturally feel hurt if it doesn't happen. Inheritance is a prime example. If you've always had a good relationship with your parents, you'd expect to inherit something when they die, along with your siblings. So if you alone were left out of the will with no notice or expectation, you'd be devastated. Not about the money, but the implicit message that you didn't deserve to be left anything, or you'd offended in some way, or they just loved you less. Nothing grabby about that.

And the Pizza Express poster isn't complaining that she wanted more than that, she's sad her family were grudging and then bad-tempered.

[GreenPetal94]

It's sad. I didn't get any present for mothers day. But my kids did cook me a fried egg, 5! rashers of bacon and some burnt fried bread without help from Dad. What more could you want on mothers day that two boys who love you and try and do their best to make it a special day.

[Pontytidy]

I totally agree OP

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

I tend to agree. I'd like not to be forgotten on my birthday, at Christmas, on Mother's Day, but as long as it is acknowledged in some way, I'm happy.

[olivesnutsandcheese]

I know what you mean. However DSS went out to buy his mum a present and came back with a bottle of head and shoulders shampoo . I upset him a bit when I asked why, apparently chocolate is so boring. I bought the shampoo off him and he got something more appropriate. I couldn't face the inevitable grimace and cats bum face he'd get from his DM if he'd gone ahead with the shampoo.

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

I agree with you in general but I don't like to judge individual posters. People feel how they feel. I was brought up the same way as you and wouldn't dream of moaning about a gift.

[thecatfromjapan]

Depends.
I'm polite but when my mother in law have me a pair of men's gloves, in my son's size, that my son had asked for, I had to work hard to look delighted.

Likewise when I unwrapped the used pencil she gave me one Christmas.

And, yes, she is hale and hearty.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I disagree with you. While there are many cases where it's true that you aren't owed anything. Most of our lives are a complex web of dependencies where give and take is essential to a fair and happy social situation.

Lots of people, when they complain about not having got what they expected aren't being materialistic. They're looking for the social cues that indicate they are valued the way they thought they were and so their social (and often economic) investments are going to keep them safe as they get older.

It's different from being short changed in your pay check. But it's not so different it doesn't matter.

[MoonDuke]

I don't totally agree. I think it's the thought that counts. And if DH bought me a box of chocolates with nuts in I would not be grateful cos I hate them. Yes it's a present but the thought was not good.