To hate sleepovers because of this?

[MattDillonsPants]

I avoid them where possible. But just now and then I have to let DDs have them.

My issue is "other people's children" in the main.

I am always shocked when they challenge me....even on small things. AIBU to think that it must be down to bad parenting?

My DC would never challenge the parent of a friend like this child has! Examples are..me telling the girls that they need to go back to their room...we're not in the UK and it's night here...10.30 and they're aged 8...they'd got out of bed and come into the kitchen for water which they already had in their bedroom...and the visiting child said "But we just want to watch the tv."

Similarly earlier, DH put a film on in DDs room for them and the friend said :Awwww...we want to watch it in the sitting rooooom"



Another one is me saying their dinner was ready and could they come and the friend saying "I just want to finish this puzzle.'

Erm...no. Your dinner is ready now, put it down please.

She KEPT TRYING. So frustrating!

Constant. Everything we do....this child has had sleepovers here before, she has them at other people's houses...so it's not that she's uncomfortable...they've been well fed, exercised and entertained. She IS a nice kid in so many ways....is this normal? To challenge like this?

Am I really strict?

If you were to answer me honestly, would your child challenge their friend's parents like this?

[teacherwith2kids]

DD recently had a sleepover for some of her friends ... who I used to teach. So while I spent mosy of the time in 'normal mum' mode, I just had to raise an eyebrow and even hint at my 'teacher voice' and they were as good as gold....

DD hates it!

[Stillwishihadabs]

Oh blimey play dates eh ? ATM I've got 2 lovely visitors here aged 9 and 11 I've known them both since they were 2 and 4. The 11 year old cooked breakfast ! I do expect to hear their opinions though and negotiate some things (last night it was not getting a take away:)).IME the meek and mild dcs can be really sneaky and naughty when your back is turned.

[BabyGanoush]

Oh, i think it's fair enough to ask and the things mentioned in OP would not bother me.

It would bother me from my OWN kids, but I am always (trying to be) more tolerant of other people's children.

As long as they are not rude/refusing things. But to ask a question IMO is fine.

[EmGee]

I've just done 8 playdates (two week holiday). I kid you not. I need a holiday now alone.

Of all the kids who came (6yo's), one was great, very independent and wanted to play lots in the garden. The majority I could live with - fairly independent but bit whiny at certain times. There was one who was a total PITA. She was demanding, hung around me all the time, was rude, didn't want to eat anything at all (even ice-cream and cake!). I was glad to see the back of her. The mum is lovely though.

I set out rules when they get here. The big one is: It is strictly forbidden to go into my (and DH's) room. My kids don't so I don't want other kids in there. Luckily DD1 is a telltale so she generally shouts down if anyone wanders in there. I have a cupboard with birthday and Christmas presents in there which is the main reason why. My kids obey this rule (amazingly!) and I heard the eldest explain that is why they are not allowed in there!

I also have an open-plan house so can hear everything that is going on which has it's good and bad points.

My biggest bugbear is when the parents come to pick up the kids, and it takes them half an hour to get their offspring out of the door. By then I am quietly pleading with Him Upstairs to take pity on me. Gosh, I sound like a grouch. I don't really mind as my kids love playdates but I think I'd rather go out and work.

[eyebrowse]

I think behaviour gets worse when they are tired so on a sleepover rather than a playdate. IMHO the worst thing about sleepovers is that it wipes children out for a few days from lack of sleep and then they are often ill.

[shebird]

Ive had this with some of my DCs friends. I think some do just push the boundaries when parents are not around. I have to say the most difficult ones have been DDs new friends from secondary school - some real attitudes and no interest in chat just want me to provide food and stay out of the way.

[shrunkenhead]

I always send mine off with strict rules of "remember your manners. If you dont like the foodbe politeand eat anyway say thank you and tell me afterwards"

[shrunkenhead]

She's agood eater so know from past experience she hasn't let medown on thatone. Other friends she's had over tell me theyonly eat a certain type of pasta/must have sauce separate and other such nonsense.

[Obs2016]

Ds2 questions me. But I wouldn't expect him to question someone else. EVER. What he DOES, at other people's homes, I have no idea! I don't know but I would hope he did exactly what he was told: yes sir, no sir, 3 bags full sir.
Every child I have ever had here, for ds1 or ds2 have been the epitome of super polite.

[nanetterose]

Unfortunately sometimes our children do let us down when we aren't hovering!
Especially when they are small.
Unless exceptionally rude, l don't think it is a very reliable example (of behaviour) frim a sleep over. Children are hyped up and prone to showing off at times like these.

[CaptainCrunch]

There's a very important place for children questioning and challenging authority when the adult is clearly wrong, but when children challenge every single instruction or refuse to eat nicely prepared food and a reasonable expectation of behaviour then the adult has to take charge.

I face this every day at work. My strategy is usually something like "it's not a choice, this is not a dialogue or a debate, you are going to follow the instruction I have given you because that is my expectation" I remain very calm and firm until they realise I'm not budging.

[shebird]

Castas I also expected more from older ones but some the new friends at secondary were a bit of an eye opener for both myself and DD1. A 12 year old in full make up throwing popcorn around and shoving chocolate and haribo in between the cushions of my new sofa and just scowling at me anytime I spoke. Let's just say that particular young lady hasn't been invited back.

Having said this some of their friends are lovely, extremely polite and I have no problem with having them around.

[fieldfare]

We've had some horrific sleepovers, the most memorable was dd's 12th birthday. One child in particular didn't like the film we went to see even though she knew in advance, didn't like the activity, the pizza was too cheesey, the cake didn't taste right, the ice cream was too chocolatey and then proceeded to act like an arse until 1am. Bouncing on the bed in the spare room, cracked a couple of slats and decided screeching and shouting was in order. I lost my patience and shouted. Apparently not so scary that she didn't try to demand and come to Harry Potter world the next day and not want to go home! Although, thank goodness she's not been back.

I know all kids get a bit giddy and mess about but I would be furious if my Dd behaved that way at someone else's home.

[Ickythumpsmum]

In my experience the worst kids are the ones with parents who say 'my child would never.....'

If you are not there you can't be sure what they are doing. If you believe you have 100% perfect children the minute they step into the other families house, then your child is pulling the wool over your eyes.

I hope my children are polite. Only my eldest does sleepovers. I have always been assured that he has been polite, but I am always prepared to hear the worst and always remind him of the rules.

They are human beings not robots.

[Rowgtfc72]

First sleepover here tonight, DD and two nine year old friends. I can count on one hand the number of play dates I've done, it's just not my thing. I've had to put the spare TV in her room so me and dh can watch TV in peace later downstairs.
So far so good, we've done karaoke and they are currently watching Paddington. I'm hiding upstairs listening for bangs. It's currently quiet.

[pointythings]

I didn't start having sleepovers until DD2 was 11. At that point I just left them with drinks, excess sugar and stuff and the tv/DVD player and told them they could do what they wanted as long as I didn't bloody hear them. I only had to use the voice on them once, they were fine. As were all DD1's friends. No unreasonable demands from any of them, they were all lovely and polite. Maybe I have weird children who have weird friends?

[NanoTechMum]

Yes I have had cheeky / rude behaviour like this. As a previous poster said, I would expect children to be slightly shy of an adult they are not used to. I find it weird that this is not the case.

On sleepovers I am strict about the actual sleeping. If I hear any voices past a certain time I tell them off. My own DC tell me it's embarrassing that I do that and other parents just leave them to it.

I really hope my children are not so rude but obviously I don't know...

Also not in the UK so interesting to hear it isn't just in my part of the world!

[TattyDevine]

I think it would be easy to assume your child wouldn't challenge any parent. And they may not. But you might be surprised.

I don't think my children would. But I might be wrong - I might be surprised.

I think children do try and push boundaries - my children know the boundaries with me. But it doesn't mean they wouldn't try it on with someone else, till they work out their own personal set of boundaries. But they might not. I tend to think they would take the lead of the child they are with and go with that.

I do have a friend of DS who is also 8, who I find incredibly difficult. I don't like to assume it's his parenting - it might be, but he might just be a chancer who adjusts his behaviour to the situation he is and think because I am generally chilled I don't care about anything, then gets a surprise when I do actually want him to change out of his muddy rugby stuff before lounging around on someone's bed or whatever.

[TattyDevine]

The thing is with this child I mention above, I'm pretty sure his parents wouldn't let him lounge around in muddy rugby gear. But until he knows that I wouldn't, he will try it on. So unfair to blame the parents I think.

[shebird]

I hope my kids behave reasonably when at other peoples houses although I often say to the host parent while DD is in earshot to feel free to call me to pick up earlier if they are misbehaving.

[Sadik]

God, I used to have the opposite problem - silent children who weren't happy but wouldn't bloody say why. Usually food related - ok, so I can guess from the silent nod when asked that yes, you're hungry, and interpret from the look on your face that you don't want beans on toast - would you like a banana? toast? beans? a cheese sandwich? I mean, the options aren't limitless, but I can offer some reasonably conventional snack choices.

Years back now, but I remember one time one of the dc in question was crying unconsolably with friends gathered round, and I was reduced to phoning her mum, who managed to extract from her the information that she didn't like the dressing up outfit dd had handed to her. FFS, DD didn't care what she wore - she just thought friend might like to be a princess because she liked that outfit herself so fished it out the box!!!

[Sadik]

Actually, dd has had 4 friends who have been regular guests over the years, 3 silent ones (one of those mostly silent but did at least answer questions), and one who did whatever he was asked instantly (and no, after quizzing his mum, he wasn't like that at home!). I must be scarier than you, OP