AA has brainwashed my DM ..

[meatliqour]

Don't get me wrong I've never been happier that my DM is sober.

She was a living nightmare.

There are no words to describe the 25 years I suffered.

She is. Threw AA. Thankfully 7 years sober.

However ... She rams it all down my throat, suffocating kind. Anyone who touches a drink ... Oh they are an alcoholic, even if they have a drink once a fucking year!

It is still exhausting. She will and maybe I forget this. Is still and always be an alcoholic :(

[CallMeExhausted]

What I am trying to say its that OP's DM is painting all of the people in her life with the "one drink" brush.

However - read whatever into it you choose to.

[marfisa]

members appear to preach that anyone who picks up a drink has a problem, or is drinking for a reason.

AA as an organisation definitely doesn't preach this! This attitude towards alcohol isn't coming from AA, it's coming from your mum.

Alcoholics are alcoholics because they can't drink like normal people do. The receptors in their brains respond to alcohol differently. For a normal person to pick up a drink is fine. For an alcoholic to pick up a drink can be fatal (because alcoholics can't stop at one).

Some (but not all) alcoholics in recovery find it hard to be around other people who are drinking. If this is the case for your mum, then she may well prefer that other people not drink in her presence. Fine. But perceiving alcohol and drinking as bad for everyone is not, I repeat, not AA doctrine!

[Keeptrudging]

DH is in AA. He is not preachy about other people drinking. He can be around people drinking without seeing alcoholics everywhere! He is absolutely certain that he can never drink again. He is committed to the AA because it works if you follow the steps. He will always be an alcoholic. AA saved his life. He's happier and healthier now than he's ever been, each year sober is celebrated by the whole family. Some of the language at times can be a bit 'evangelical' but what helps keep people sober is the fellowship AA offers, being amongst others who've been there and continuing to work on yourself.

Your DM shouldn't be projecting her issues onto everyone else, or possibly feeling resentful that others can control their drinking in ways she can't. I think a direct and honest conversation is needed with her, and maybe she needs to do some work on this at AA/with her sponsor.

[PiperChapstick]

*fuck

[PiperChapstick]

YANBU (although I absolutely agree with PrivatePike that all it takes is one drink).

My uncle is 15 years sober and condemns anyone who even thinks about drinking, me especially, as alcoholism is hereditary apparently. I rarely drink but this isn't good enough for him, he wants me to stop completely. I feel like saying "well no duck off some of us can just enjoy it for what it is and not be alcoholics". But I don't I block him from seeing my pics on FB though

OP has your mother ever apologised for her behaviour from when she was an alcoholic?

[CallMeExhausted]

*DM - I am not sure why my phone hates me.

[CallMeExhausted]

One drink begins the decline - may be the case for recovering alcoholics, but certainly not for everybody. OP's DM is treating everybody as if they are alcoholic. In AA, everyone is an alcoholic - but not everyone on the planet is.

I agree with abstinence from whatever it is that one became addicted to, but I think in OP's case, DH has gone more than a little overboard, and is alienating her support network in the process.

[Owllady]

I'd give al anon a try, go to a couple of sessions and see if it's for you

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Maybe its hard for an addict to understand how other people can drink and not become addicted. Your DM realises the mess alcohol made of her life and wants to protect others from doing the same. However, the people she is targetting don't have the same addiction to alcohol so find her "advice" frustrating and unhelpful.

[CallMeExhausted]

PrivatePike congratulations on your sobriety. That is fantastic.

Through my work in MH and addictions, I have found that some chapters of AA do border on evangelical - even brainwashing - by instilling fear of relapse in members as a coping strategy, and the idea that one drink begins the decline. I am glad that yours didn't go that far -- AA can be a fantastic tool, but in the end it is only as good as the members (and even a stable and moderate chapter can change if the membership undergoes a shift).

[CallMeExhausted]

Are there any services for families of addicts in your area? I am not sure AlAnon would be a good choice (as it is affiliated with AA) but perhaps others are available.

They can help you not only live with those facing addiction, but those recovering. My SIL is an addict, drink and drug, and her younger daughter lives with us now that she has aged out of the foster care system. Understandably, SIL's behaviour affects our lives, both directly and indirectly through the influence her substance use during pregnancy had on her DD, as well as her difficulty understanding that I am not trying to replace her as DN's mother.

As a woman who has been affected (massively) by your DM's addiction, you have been changed. Be gentle with yourself. Yes, she is sober now, but that doesn't erase the years that she wasn't.

And just maybe, even though it verges on "hidden drinking", make the conscious choice not to drink in her presence - even if it is just to preserve your sanity.

[meatliqour]

Totally take on board comments about being grateful for her sobriety. I of course am, and yes I would rather have her the way she is than the horrific drunk she once was.

I just find her constant digs at me, my friends & anyone that picks up a drink exhausting.

She is 100% not a dry drunk. She follows the 12 steps everyday and I'm eternally grateful for her getting sober this way.

But the incessant comments about alcohol is driving me nuts.

I'm also pleased that some people do agree that AA can be brainwashing & members appear to preach that anyone who picks up a drink has a problem, or is drinking for a reason.

I have also had counselling to try & alleviate some of the anger I still hold, I find it really hard to be honest, I think I probably need to try harder.

[CallMeExhausted]

Having worked in mental health, I can tell you that an addictive personality will always find something to be addicted to.

It may be drug or drink, food, gambling, sex, shopping, religion, or the tenets of an organisation like AA - but there will be something.

The tendency is always there, and without extensive counselling to deal with the root cause and learn coping skills, one addiction will simply replace another.

[x2boys]

Somebody close to.me was a heroin addict he went to NA for a while but found it too much he's clean and sober now I think everything has it s place Aa,NA etc isn't for everyone but for a lot of people it works u guess.

[AcrossthePond55]

In my experience anyone who overcomes an addiction or life-problem becomes a wee bit evangelical about their 'cure', be it AA, therapy, Weight Watchers, running, religion, whatever. I think it reinforces (to them) that 1) they had a problem and 2) their program works.

Try to bear with it (and change the subject) because it's helping her stay sober at this point. She'll probably ramp it down after awhile. They usually do.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

In my very inexpert, layman's opinion AA is a bit like vaping and methadone. A less unpleasant addiction for the addict to use to replace their "true" addiction.

Hopefully in time she will slowly become less obsessive but see the obsession as a good thing - at least if she is obsessing over whether half a glass of champagne at her daughter's wedding makes cousin Sylvie an alcoholic and where and when to stage the intervention - she isn't obsessing over how she can get some vodka.

[shazzarooney99]

Good on her, isnt it fantastic that shes dry? I always wished my mum would have got dry, she never did, she died in October age 63. You should be patting her on the back now.

[Gumnast2014]

I have been sober 6 years and absolutey ,couldn't have done it without AA.

Has she done the steps and work with sponsor or is she a dry drunk?

Aa basically teaches me to be the best version of me! Which when drinking was pretty shit!!!

[Cutecat78]

Games People play is good as is I'm ok you're Ok.

I agree people do get evangelical about AA and I don't think allows people to move on from their addiction.

[ModernToss]

AA got me sober 25 years ago, and I'm sober today. I don't give a shiny shit what other people drink, I don't monitor anyone else's consumption, and I am not evangelical.

Perhaps you're mistaking the enthusiasm of novelty (like people who have lost weight on a new diet) for AA brainwashing.