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AIBU?

To ask what you do in this situation?

96 replies

altctrldel · 20/02/2016 18:47

Couldnt go into work today due to personal circumstances. I only started 3 weeks ago and havent had my contract yet.

Contacted my boss when we opened today, i know he was in earlier but I honestly didnt have the time. Left a message for him and he hasnt called back. I left another for him at the end of the day apologising.

AIBU to worry?

OP posts:
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AutumnLeavesArePretty · 20/02/2016 22:32

In a new job, it would have to be very serious to call in within the first three weeks. It's not the sign of a good employee.

You should have called back and spoke to your boss, not expect him/her to ring you. From the lack of call back it shows they are unhappy.

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Akire · 20/02/2016 22:37

I would expect my boss to spend the day trying to sort out the extra case load not make time to phone me to re

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Akire · 20/02/2016 22:38

Reassure me about job or to ask further questions. They will want to speak to you further when you are back. But if I'm busy and annoyed I would not then be chasing up people gone AWOL.

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RubyRoseViolet · 20/02/2016 22:49

Agree with everyone else. Your lack of explanation may well have come across as a bit rude. I do understand your point about the answerphone. The trouble is, if you've only been there 3 weeks your boss won't know you well enough to know whether you're the sort of person who takes lots of time off or not.

If you were a longstanding employee with a good attendance record they'd know it's have to be something really serious to keep you off work.

I hope you manage to work things out.

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lougle · 20/02/2016 23:23

I hope your family situation is resolved quickly. To be honest, I'd worry. I have been in my job 5 months and had to call in sick this week for one day (I spent the week in bed) because I wasn't safe to drive, let alone work, and I felt terrible for it.

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Witchend · 21/02/2016 00:41

Problem from what you've posted it could be anything from granddad dropped his favourite pen down the back of his bed and we needed a family confab as to how to get out it to called to a close relative's death bed.

The former obviously would be silly, the latter they'd be mean to mind.
Problem is that from giving no details, I personally would be inclined to suspect, you think if you'd said then they wouldn't have approved. You also didn't seem to have said when you'd be back-so they don't know whether yo were going to be an hour late in or won't be seen for the next month.

Family come first in some ways, but really only when it has to be you at that stage in a job. Dh has called "personal issues" twice in fifteen years. First time was after dd2's 20 week scan when we were given some serious bad news-he phoned to say he would be in when he could but he couldn't go in at that point.

The other time was when I'd had an issue I'd gone to the doctor and he'd sent me to go straight to a main hospital about an hour away and said I shouldn't drive and I also had ds aged about 3 months at the time.

Both times he gave the exact reason and said when he expected to be back in. Neither time did they have any issues.

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Keeptrudging · 21/02/2016 00:56

YABU - you need to call and speak to your boss personally, answer machine doesn't cut it. I once narrowly avoided being in serious trouble because I'd texted and phoned my boss multiple times to let her know I wouldn't be in. Unbeknownst to me, her mobile number had changed. Luckily my friend who worked there called and told me my boss was on the warpath.

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MiscellaneousAssortment · 21/02/2016 01:29

I'd be feeling let down by the single message and the clock and dagger stuff which would be either an indication of someone who needed a bit more time to work on their story, or someone who doesn't think enough of their employer to behave respectfully.

If it was someone who had a long standing and great work record I would have a completely different reaction though...

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xenapants · 21/02/2016 07:09

Wow, if I was your boss I'd be pissed off. How old are you? And do you have much experience of the workplace? Because you sound rather immature and as if you don't understand how to conduct yourself as an employee. You can't just decide not to go to work because you have a family issue. That's not how the world works, I'm afraid.

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MidniteScribbler · 21/02/2016 07:20

Opening time is not an acceptable time to call. Calling in advance is needed so the boss has time to ring around and try and cover you.

The first thing you do when you start a new job is ask the boss for their mobile number and ask how they want to be contacted.

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confusedandemployed · 21/02/2016 07:26

I'm afraid I'm with everyone else. Your boss is understandably pissed off.

You made mistakes in not phoning early and not explaining why you couldn't come in.

You may not be fired but tbh it's a black mark. I would make a beeline for your boss on your next working day, well before opening time and explain properly. Apologise that you didn't handle it right, claim naivety or something, and tell them you're committed to the role and would like a chance to prove it.

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allnewredfairy · 21/02/2016 07:28

O would have ensured I rang in again to explain in person to my boss. It rakes two minutes. Asking them to call you is rude.

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xenapants · 21/02/2016 08:20

I think the fact that the OP hasn't explained what her "family situation" was despite repeatedly being asked indicates that she probably knows she was wrong to not go to work because of it and isnt saying so because she doesn't want to be told she was in the wrong. If it was something important like illness/death, she surely would have said here.

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Grilledaubergines · 21/02/2016 08:34

Well I dare say you've marked your cards. If i was your employer I'd be keeping a close eye - any more incidences of vague absence in the near future, particularly during the probationary period and I'd terminate your employment without batting an eyelid.

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MagratsFlyawayHair · 21/02/2016 10:17

If not worry about how it looked and I'd explain what had happened. I'd also have made the effort to call and speak to my boss when I knew he was in and available.

You don't sound like you are that concerned about the impression you've left.

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MiscellaneousAssortment · 21/02/2016 16:52

I have no idea if this is similar but it does remind me of a situation I still look back on with exhaustion, and relief that I finally brought it to an end - about 6 months too late looking back on it!

I had a nanny/ PA whose regular and reliable attendance was a core requirement of the job as I'd just become very ill and could only do a small amount everyday without a direct impact on my health, so needed very responsible people I could rely on (& the pay package reflected that!)... Anyway, on paper and at interview she was perfect, but right from the first couple of weeks she had one 'family emergency' after another, ever more complicated and convoluted, and the explanations so dramatic and concerning, so at first her behaviour was met with understanding no matter the impact all these days off and midnight texts... But after months of this it rather felt like me and my family, and my own work (or at least my reputation at work) were being sucked into this world of high dramatics and constant 'emergencies' which were so very frequent they left no time in between for actual life.

First it was the abusive boyfriend, so much sympathy and lots of incidents, turning up at my house at midnight etc, which never turned into actually taking control and leaving him, just wanting constant sympathy & special treatment eg advances on wages etc. Then it was the evil landlord evicting them (for breaking their contract by having a dog on the premises, and the boyfriend doing damage to the flat)... Then there was the sick sister, who escaped from an inpatient facility and was found in someone's shed carrying a machete... Then there was the sudden deaths of aunt & uncle abroad, in suspicious circs... Then there was the awful meanness of the British gov (?) and the problems in repatriating the bodies which needed lots of money from me somehow (hmmm)... Then there was the terrible illness of the abusive boyfriend which resulted in lots of late night trips to A&E and of course she had to be with him (turned out to be asthma as he refused to take his regular inhaler) ... Then there was the sudden appearance of a nephew in the stories, who was trapped abroad after the aunt /uncle deaths and not being given back to the bosom of his family by the Spanish social services... Then there was the family row in the street as her mother took against the boyfriend (him hitting the dog, not when he hit her daughter apparently), and decided to 'go round there and sort him out' (by fighting, apparently) ... Etc etc etc. ending in missing bodies, two car crashes, and a partridge and a pear tree- Ugh! Makes me knackered and dispirited just thinking about it!

And she got increasingly surly and rude when she could feel a sea change and a thinning of the constant sympathy and a drawing of attention to the needs of her job, and a suggestion that the fully paid time off was not going to continue ... She genuinely thought everyone near her should become part of this crazy life and couldn't understand why her role as a 'victim of circumstance' wasn't being enabled by everyone around her. She couldn't see why anyone would expect her to fulfil her work requirements - even when she made it into work there were constant excuses as to why she wasn't up to doing the basics, with chaos and confusion brought into the role as well.

To her, this was the way she lived so everyone else should just fall in with it... Or... Well I eventually chose the 'or' route and finally terminated her contract.

I had got sucked into trying to work out whether all the stories were actually true or not, and feeling very guilty for even thinking it, whereas it should have been purely about her ability to fulfil the requirements of the job.

Life got SO much better when I didn't have someone's complicated and increasingly shocking dramatics constantly going on!

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Stillunexpected · 21/02/2016 16:59

If something came up last night and you didn't call your boss until opening time this morning, despite there being an answering machine and knowing that he was in before opening time, I think he would be justified in being annoyed with you. However, I don't necessarily think that is the reason he hasn't called you back. He is a member of staff down and probably busy, also I'm not sure what you thought he would be saying to you if you called? You told him you weren't going to be in, there is nothing he can do about it today, if you want to explain further to him, he is probably thinking tomorrow will do just as well.

If/when he does call you back, I wold be very careful about saying anything to him like you have written here about family always coming before work. Sometimes that will be the case, but certainly not always. As everyone else said, depends on the severity of the family emergency. Given that you have only been there three weeks, it's not a great start.

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NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/02/2016 17:12

Tbh if you were in a training or trial period unless the family situation was a husband/wife/resident or own child/parent rushed into hospital meaning you couldn't ring then you would be looking for another job.

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PurpleDaisies · 21/02/2016 17:16

Even if it was a parent/child rushed into hospital, I can't quite see how you can't find thirty seconds to leave a message as soon as you know you won't be in saying no time to speak, family emergency-so and so has had a heart attack, I'll phone as soon as I can to explain properly but I'm really sorry I won't be in today. That's what I did when my dad had a stroke.

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Xmasbaby11 · 21/02/2016 17:23

You should have made sure you spoke to him in person asap if you weren't happy to explain yourself on the answer machine. Honestly, it is impossible to say whether your absence is justified.

Fwiw, I work in a very supportive and sympathetic department and they've seen it all. They are amazing with employees who have been working reliably for years. However, new staff being absent so soon - they would assume you're flaky and that you might not come back. No way you'd be dismissed but they'd be concerned you'd quit.

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Mrsmorton · 21/02/2016 17:28

Sounds a bit flaky to me. Especially after only three weeks.

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NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/02/2016 17:29

Purple.

When my daughter got run over there was no 30 second block where I could slip out of the room to use a phone for about 10 hours when she was stable enough to be taken to the operating room.

And even then I had to tell the police to give me 5 before they spoke to me so I could call work and her school. Obviously I asked staff at the hospital to contact her dad.

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deregistered · 21/02/2016 17:32

I manage a team of 50 people, retail industry.

I know only too well the 'family comes before work' type of staff member. These people think their sister splitting with their partner, their mum needing a lift to the airport or their next door neighbour unable to watch their kids are situations where it's reasonable to phone in absent.

I am to a point sympathetic and to a point supportive but once this happens more than once or twice a year and I realise just don't get that everyone else in the store also has an outside life fraught with variables and problems but move hell and high water to get to work, their card is marked.

Maybe this isn't you OP, maybe your emergency is justified. But in future please bear in mind we all have families and problems. And that when you phone in and say 'personal circumstances' it will be assumed there is some drama or childcare problem that is really not your boss's problem.

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PurpleDaisies · 21/02/2016 18:37

Apologies needsasockamnesty I was making assumptions based on the op that whatever had happened wasn't the kind of emergency emergency that you had-I really hope your daughter is doing ok now.

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NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/02/2016 19:09

No apologies needed, I know most people don't think about that sort of thing (it's a good thing).

It was over 10 years ago now she's doing as well as could be expected still has to have the odd operation but that's all now.

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